Are you a fun parent?

[molly29]

Hi,
I am so upset after a little cat with my dd who said i wasn't fun like Daddy!
It really hit a chord as this is something i sort of already knew.
I am a good parent, people comment on how good the kids are(blowing my own trumpet), the kids know they are loved, lots of kisses and cuddles.
But somehow i have turned into the parent i never thought i'd be! My DH(big kid) comes home and throws them around and chases them and plays with them,the house fills with screams and giggles and always feel like the meany saying "come on bed time" ect.
There doesn't seem enough time in the day for me to do all the mummy jobs for example,school runs,play dates, cleaning house,cooking tea for me to have fun too? Am i stuck in a rut or do we naturally fall into these roles?

Advice please.x

[MewlingQuim]

I get DH to do bedtime too, that way he can have the fun and games but he also has to end it and settle DD for bed. if he overstimulates her then he gets the consequences!

You need time for fun with them, but he also needs to do some of the not-so-fun stuff to even it out.

[TwinTum]

I am naturally a little bit naughty (but just a little bit - I have a serious job!). We do have routines (not strict ones) and expect good manners, but DC also know (and enjoy) that I have a naughty side.

I do work nearly full time during the week (and have cleaner so dont have to spend weekends catching up on housework etc), so I do wonder if it is easier to come across as fun to the DC if you are not at home with them all the time with responsibility for the more munane day to day stuff with them.

[havingamadmoment]

I dont think i am fun but then again if I am honest I am not a traditionally "fun" person in general. I have hobbies which I like and I enjoy life but Im never going to be life and soul of the party or rushing about going down slides etc. Thats just not me and never has been. I have fun with my kids but not fun I have to force the children seem to just like who I am (at least I hope!).

[Hullou]

I worry about this a lot but I am so focused on structuring things that I find it hard to ease off - need to learn to, much nicer life for all of us if I can suss this.

[molly29]

The thing with my DD is when its back to school you have even less time to do fun things, when they are toddlers its easier , i had more time, but after school its gymnastics, swimming, friends round, homework,tea,bath,bed! But maybe one night a week i should dedicate to play? I do find it easier with DS as i have him with me most days, unless i'm at work. Maybe i'm just better at the toddler age? I really worry that i'll lose my bond with DD if i don't get some quality time together.
Phase one did commence today, we collected pine cones and leaves for an art project for tomorrow!

[bronze]

I am the best at Lego play station games

I think we're equal because though I have to deal with more shit my dh can be prone to grumpy selfishness

[MrsJREwing]

The physically hard bit was when I was married. Once dc are school age they are easy. I am at the rebellious teen stage, where bribary, consequences, reasoning etc do not work, nothing works till the unreasonable teen hormones calm and they think through and realise they were ott. It would be nice to have someone back up what I am saying as teens can be very daft, whilst thinking they know it all.

[ATourchOfInsanity]

My friend and I recently had this discussion. We came to the agreement it really doesn't matter if the dishes are left for a day or two of the week, when you can play and join in with them. She noticed similar to your partner while hers has been off (teacher) for the school hols. She was amazed at how many games he thought up that she had never done, despite being a SAHM, purely because she was too busy cleaning/cooking etc while looking after her DD.

I think we all are guilty of it - we need to get things done obv - but maybe you could make a point of having one morning a week where you paint with them/get muddy etc to show them you aren't just their cleaner and cook!

[EyeoftheStorm]

Quieter fun - that's what I was thinking as I read your thread Molly29.

I am quite structured and keep things chugging along. DH with DCs much less and really enjoys rough and tumble and breaking the rules. That's his strength.

I play to my strengths. I do crafts with DD/ lego with DS or vice versa and a lot of reading with all 3. They seem to enjoy it even if there's not the shrieking and laughing there is with DH.

I also wouldn't be bothered if my DCs thought I was the bad cop compared to DH. I'm laying the foundations for them. It's not something they will realise until they're standing on top of the tower

[molly29]

Its interesting to hear from single parents, you have my total admiration, i don't have enough time even with my Dh.
Was thinking of doing something crafty, i find the rough and tumble doesn't come easily, i am better at quieter fun, i think thats what DD meant by daddy is more fun, it comes so naturally to him.But i do need to prioritize quality time, there is so much to do day to day that its easy to get bogged down and kids grow up too quickly!
We are very much a team, but DH has the lions share of fun and now its mummys turn.

[molly29]

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[Molehillmountain]

I try to see us as a team. So team molehill is fun, although molehill herself is a little dull and naggy.

[GnocchiNineDoors]

I worry about this as dd grows as DH is so much fun with her and they do lots of rough and tumble, animal impressions etc. However bath and bed is his job, so im.hoping she sees him as having a bit of authority too

I also love board games, jigsaws, stories, Lego and PLaymobil where DH doesnt so am hoping she gets to see I am a bit fun when it comes to these things.

Could you maybe do baking or something crafty that they love that is 'just yours' so they have fun with you too?

[colditz]

No, I'm bossy and demanding and horrible.

[Lilka]

I'm single, so I have to do the routine, and set bed times, and set chores etc, and my teenager complains nearly constantly about it

I'm not fun in a 'best friend' way, and and I don't let them go crazy (and fun parent in a couple can often mean the one who lets them get away with things the other parent wouldn't, and does things the other parent wouldn't approve of). Compared to my friends, I run a very structured house with a clear routine (even though I don't use consequences/punishments nearly as much as most of my friends)

However, I try to set aside time to do 'fun things' with them. My DD2 still has a picture timetable of her routine, and when she was younger it used to have 10 minutes per weekday (more at weekends) marked on for her and I to do a fun activity which involved me giving her my full attention. We still set times to do things together now, and write it down. It's easier for me, because otherwise after a day at work and cooking it's too easy for me to think 'I'm too tired'. I try to be a happy, smiley parent. Easier said than done of course!!

Your role as providing them with food, setting them a routine etc is majorly important and affects them in a good way, even if you don't see them laughing about it! You are always there, dependable, consistent, and that is really important and they will respect you for that

[MamaBear17]

I think that it is easy to fall into this pattern because you are the organiser of the household. I felt a similar pattern emerging with my dd (she is only 13 months though) and so insisted my hubby does his equal share of the boring bits. For example, he takes turns in feeding her and putting her to bed - two things that she is sometimes a little challenging with. I also made him let me do every other bath time - she loves the bath and I got sick of hearing whoops and giggles whilst I was downstairs washing up.

[MrsJREwing]

exactly, you are doing your best, playing to your strengths.

[molly29]

Thanks for replys.
Whenever i talk to my husband about it he always says but i don't get to see them all day, which i can understand, he walks through the door and its tea, bath, bed, so i do try to not nag him, like i said he is such a good dad. But i am going to try and talk about it as it is really getting to me and i don't want the kids to see me as just the bad cop, they already say that Mummy is boss!(think this is a nice way of saying bossy!).
They don't tend to argue amongst themselves so having the both of them is fine, its just the time factor(this may change as they get older) MrsJREwing i don't think either of us sound like we are letting them down, lets face it i have Dh to help me, you are doing it solo! But in the end we are both trying our best.x

[AlfalfaMum]

It's much easier to be fun if I only have one of the dc with me, when it's all of them I'm always getting frazzled, refereeing their arguments etcetera.

[MrsJREwing]

I am rubbish at dealing with loads of things, which I can imagine someone with your personality would be good at, so I let my kids down that way, where as you will give your kids a smooth ride in life. swings and roundabouts.

[molly29]

No no i didn't take offence, its hard to come across clearly on here sometimes. I guess the fact we all think and worry about what kind of parent we are only means we care so much for our DC and makes us human.

[MrsJREwing]

All any of us can do is be ourselves, your kids will love you fun or responsible or what ever you call it. Sorry for using detached, my Dad and ex were detached people and authoritarians, using my experience.

[molly29]

Yeah thanks for that.
I really don't want the kids to see me like that.striking that balance is hard.

[MrsJREwing]

When I was married Molly, I was the fun parent then and the one who ran the house as ex was lazy. Ex was into sending kids to bed at 7 on the dot etc. I run the house differently since the uptight control freak went, kids go to bed fine. I have issues that they dont respect me, they did respect their Dad, they also didnt enjoy time with him as he was so uptight, he had time at weekends, he was lazing on the sofa, the kids would hang out with me when I was doing house stuff, gardening, cooking etc. I know they loved us both the same regardless.