What to do when the out-laws are buying DD princess dresses?

[MsBakingCakes]

DD is 3 on Friday and ExP's parents have bought her ANOTHER princess dress. (Marie Antoinette, Dress up by design, if you need to see it). ExP and the whole of his family seem obsessed with telling her she's a princess and dressing her in pink floaty stuff and shoes unsuitable for moving around in. I'm trying to bring her up as a person who can do things, not to expect people to fall at her feet and worship her because she's wearing pink, ffs! What would you do?

I know that it is good for DD to see two different ways of educating and DP and myself believe we are doing a good job explaining to her how things are but we are not sure how to handle this. It is good for children to dress up and roleplay -but always as a princess?

They always go when they see DD playing with the train set or building blocks on skype and there is always a comment about it such as do you play with this? Do you like to do that?

Any advice much appreciated. Thanks

[queenofthepirates]

With any luck she'll marry a prince and you won't have to worry about money everrrrrrr again.

I think you let her have the relationship they want to have with her albeit pink and floaty. She'll soon let them know if it's not what she wants and I'm guessing she enjoys it. I don't think it will do too much damage and create some cherished memories which are so important.

PS, we have Fairy Fridays in our house where mummy and daughter dress up in matching fairy outfits and have a fairy tea party-strictly indoors mind but Iwe love it.

[ZuleikaD]

My instinct was much more hostile than the majority of posters here - I'd have quietly got rid of them because I hate all that stuff. But they're right - your influence is the main one and your DD will play with what she wants to play with. And a princess dress that is quickly discovered to be rubbish on the climbing wall at the playground (my dd won't wear skirts for this reason) won't survive long.

If you want to counter the princess thing then Julia Donaldson's 'Zog' is good. :-)

[Dancergirl]

What to do?

You'll look back in years to come when your dd has grown into an independent, intelligent woman and wonder what you made all the fuss about.....

In the meantime let her enjoy her pink bling and princess fantasy. She's 3 FFS.

[mirry2]

I love the idea of Fairy Friday!

[Inyourhippyhat]

Let them buy princessy things while you buy your DD what you think is appropriate - Batman suit, animal suit, tool kit or whatever. Agree with Seeker that grandparents can buy the items that parents do not.

[gallifrey]

I wish my parents or my In laws would buy my daughter stuff like that!

[DontEatTheVolesKids]

Ebay them off in October.

[NellyTheElephant]

I hated all that sort of stuff too, however loads of it crept into our house from birthday parties / grandparents etc and you know what, I'm glad it did. My DDs just loved all the fluffy dresses and sparkles, gave them lots of fun and I would never have bought it so I'm glad someone else did. Both my DDs are complete tomboys and would be running around in the garden, searching for worms and woodlice, building dams in the stream and making mudpies - all whilst wearing their fairy dresses and wellies. If I had spent £25 on those dresses I don't think I would have let them run around getting them ripped and muddy, but since they were all presents I let them do what they liked, and it made them happy (it also made me happy - I have some gorgeous snapshot memories of lazy sunny afternoons and long walks through the fields with a couple of small muddy fairies). DD1 has now lost interest in such things and is never out of her jeans, DD2 still loves dressing up, but it's mainly animals now - more 'where the wild things are' than fairy princesses. 3 yr old DS remains quite keen on the fairy dresses and sparkles though so they are still getting a bit of use (hope to break him of that soon!!).

So I'd say thank you and smile and let your DD wear the dresses if she likes. They grow out of that phase so quickly anyway.

[kensingtonkat]

My sister is still obsessed with pink stuff and glittery princess shoes.

She's a colorectal surgeon.

[madwomanintheattic]

I would read 'Cinderella ate my daughter' and then I would get a grip.

As long there's other stuff to play with, a princess dress is just another option. By 5 she'll be curling her nose up at them and telling mil they are for babies. Then mil will buy bratz, and you will be forced to ignore the thigh length leather boots and grunge slapper shite.

None of it is addictive, just common or garden peer pressure and commerce. It's fairly easy for children to understand that, but not at 3. Let her play with princess dresses alongside the rest of the options. If mil can't see she's being had, that's her lookout. Adults often want to shower kids with glitzy stuff to spoil them. It's not necessarily an issue. She can waste her money on whatever she likes.

[madwomanintheattic]

[BradleyWigeons]

I sympathise. My uncle and his wife buy my DD (4yrs) the most horrible ultra-girly stuff. The most recent abomination was this Disney Princess hair styling thing, complete with fake lipstick and fake GHDs.

Of course I sent a thank you card, and I am genuinely grateful that they buy DD presents. Whilst simultaneously being horrified that they seem to sink to new lows each birthday / Christmas! After much thought I have hidden it, DD seems to have forgotten it, and I will give it to the local charity shop soon. Thank goodness we don't see the uncle often enough for him to expect to see DD playing with it a lot.

I actually think the hair styling thing is much much worse than a princess dress, because there is only one purpose to lipstick / hair styling (ie beautification), whereas dressing up as a princess, your DD can pretend whatever she wants. I think I would personally keep it along with a selection of other dressing up (eg DD also has a doctor outfit, a witch outfit, giraffe ears etc).

[amybelle1990]

Just about every female I know was brought up with played dress up with 'princesses' or used princesses as roll models, and the majority of them grew out of it and recognised it for the tosh that it was pretty sharpish. If children aren't exposed to this stuff then they can't see that it's 'stupid' rather then just being told that it's 'stupid.

Really.... don't worry about it

[ellesabe]

she was prancing round, saying 'I'm going to be a doctor'. FIL turned round and said 'no, you can't, you have to be the nurse'...

[SecrectFarleysNibbler]

The root of the problem goes back to retailers who persist in championing the gender divide with the whole pink and blue nonsense. It makes my blood boil when you go virtually anywhere and are assaulted with monsters for boys and princesses for girls tosh - you NEVER see a prince costume do you!!!!

I think we forget that we have such power as consumers - the more we object the more notice will be taken. I am not saying that girls should never dress in a princess outfit but I do think that retailers have moral responsibility to provide a more balanced range of merchandise that begins to address this issue.

Women have yet to reach a true state of equality and starting our dd's off with swaths of pink and princess tat is not going to help the cause. I also think the boys are equally given a poor message by such gender specific rubbish - Billy Elliot Anyone?

[BradleyWigeons]

For anyone on this thread agreeing with the OP, you might like to support Pink Stinks, which is a campaign against the tide of pink for little girls - you can like their Facebook page. They've got a campaign at the moment called SLAP! against makeup being promoted to very young children.

[MsBakingCakes]

Never thought that they will start buying barbies . I am scare of what will come next . My mum never bought me a barbie and I loved playing marbles and cars with my brother.

It just makes me angry what this society makes girl to be. I know that some girls have been brought up to like all that girly stuff but I would like my daughter to be able to think for herself without being expose to such horrible things. We don't have TV and we are very glad that she is not getting all that exposure in here.

I am also glad that I am not the only one that thinks like this. It is a relieve .

[madwomanintheattic]

Babies can abseil, y'know. Just like girls. You don't have to use them as a fashion models. Ours spent many happy hours ziplining from the bedroom window.

[madwomanintheattic]

Rofl at babies. Apparently apple doesn't recognize Barbie.

[HermioneE]

Bloody hell madwoman that gave me a double take

OP - dress her up as a glittery princess and then play a game where she defeats a dragon and rescues a prince

[Emandlu]

Let your in-laws see her wearing something like this

To be honest I don't think you can alter their behaviour, but you can be the balance and voice of reason at home and show your dd that there is more to life than frills and pink. My dd went through a pink phase. She is now in scouts and quite a tomboy so I don't think it is anything to be overly worried about at this stage.

[neverquitesure]

I second habbibu's suggestion of amalgamating them into a larger, more gender-balanced dress up box. My 3 year old DS adores his princess dresses and tutus!

[habbibu]

We avoided barbies until older dds of a friend who adored dd bequeathed stacks of them to dd. She's not actually that into them - there was a fabulous gay wedding between two of them orchestrated by dd and ds (5 and 2), with Ken as best man, and dcs singing "we're having a MARIATION" at the tops of their voices.

[vitaminC]

I wouldn't worry too much about it, OP!

I could have written your post exactly, 10 years ago, when DD1 was 3 and my ex-ILs were just like yours.

She is now 13 and in a gothic/punk/EMO phase and hates anything pink! In fact, my DP bought my DD1 and his DD dresses from an alternative fashion shop this afternoon... DD1's is black, with a skull pattern

[MsBakingCakes]

It is just a bit hard everytime she comes back from seeing them and she comes with things like princesses do curtsey and twirl. Then is when we get out our book "Princess smartypants" and show her that princesses drive motorbikes, get dirty with mud and loves animals

I really hope that it will pass and in the future we see that she has become a sensible person after all.

Thanks, I never thought when I started this post that I would find so many interesting comments and so many people in simlar situations. Thanks again