Is this really a "British thing"? Or a "European thing" for that matter? (a bit long)

[colinandcaitlinsmommy]

To start off with quickly, I'm an American living in America.

Last night my friend was asked by her (originally from London) neighbor to watch her 3.9 yo DS at 11:30 pm while she went the 40 miles to pick up DH from airport. Friend thought it was a bit odd as they've only spoken to neighbor once briefly, but agreed. When 11:30 came, neighbor came by and dropped off not the child, but a baby monitor and set of keys to the house so my friend could sleep while "watching" the child since it was so late. Needless to say, friend didn't sleep until the parents returned after 1 am, and worried about the child waking up because the child has barely seen her and never talked to her. So my friend called me this morning to tell me the odd story and decided it must be a "British thing" to let people that you barely know watch your child late at night from next door. I told her I doubted it, but she figures it must be a "European thing" then. So tell me ladies, would you do what the neighbor did if you were in that position?

(FWIW we both decided if it were us in that position, we would just take DS with us and let him sleep in the car and have DH find us in the parking lot of the airport because it is a VERY small airport and the parking lot isn't very big at all.)

[colinandcaitlinsmommy]

So I guess she can chalk it up to being an interesting parenting choice thing. I have visions of my friend imagining the entire continent of Europe running out and driving around while their children are being listened to by strangers.

I think it is interesting to get other's points of view. It i something I would never do, but I keep forgetting that we're a pretty insular group anyway in that there's about 15-20 or so of us that are friends and our kids mostly play with each other because we're all friends and there's so many of them around the same age. All but 2 of us are SAHM's and 1 works at home, while the other has the in-laws watch the children, so none of us have ever had to deal with the latch-key kid thing. Not to mention the whole small town thing. I only moved here a few years ago, but I guess almost nobody even locked their doors here until 10 or so years ago.

[DissLocated]

Gingernut - my Mum did that too! She was a single parent at the time, couldn't afford to take time off work and like jimjams said, the 70's were different!

[gingernut]

jimjams, yes it was the 70's . Mum was a teacher and did take us with her sometimes (we sat in the corner of the classroom), but this particular time I was just too ill - bed-bound. She said she knew I was too ill to get up to any mischief . Lucky the house didn't burn down with me still in bed I guess!

[Tortington]

baby monitors should onloy be used when sitting in the garden getting arseholed

[staceym11]

i dont think i could leave dd with anyone but my mum + dad and my PIL until she is old enough to let people know what she needs, she can talk (sort of) but mostly in her own language that only mummy and daddy understand anough to deal with her! i def couldnt even think about leaving her with someone she didnt know, but if i knew a neighbor really well and they knew dd i'd prob do the monitor thing, have done something similar before but dunno wether its a british thing, just a thing really! lol

[yomellamoHelly]

I'd be tempted to do it, since ds will reliably sleep through, once he's in bed, until the morning. I wouldn't do it if there was any reason I felt that he wouldn't sleep(i.e. being ill).

I'd also only do it though if the neighbour were someone we knew well, who knew ds well and wouldn't freak ds out if they had to go to him in the middle of the night.

Ds would not sleep in the car though.

Maybe it's a London thing! (I'll go and hide now )

[picnikel]

My parents would leave me & my sisters while they were at the neighbours house - I was 9 & my sisters 7 & 5 when they first did it. Don't know if it was right or wrong but better than my in-laws who b*ggered off abroad and left Dh & his sister home alone at a similar age! 70s parenting, eh?

[getbakainyourjimjams]

gingernut- my mum used to take me with her (she was a distric nurse) and leave me in the car it was different in the 70's (assuming you're as old as me )

[HRHQueenOfQuotes]

but it's not 40 minutes away - it's 40 miles away.

[stitch]

sounds horrendous.
what if the house burned down?
.... cant even go on. but this is a definite no no.
if the airport is only 40 min away, then he can get a taxi

[gingernut]

jimjams, my Mum left me alone in the house for several mornings when I was 7 and off school with flu and she was working ! (and no neighbour popping in either).

[getbakainyourjimjams]

My Mum and Dad used to leave me alone in the house and go out to parties and the neighbour used to pop in every half an hour or 40 minutes or so. In fact it used to happen regularly when my dad was away (navy) and my mum was bell ringing- I would go to the neughbours house until bed time then she would put me to bed at 8pm and my Mum would get home at 9pm that is a bit barking isn't it (I was about 7).

[FrannyandZooey]

Personally I would call this a "barking thing".

Quite odd. I guess the child never, ever, ever woke up in the night?

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[christie1]

I am a canadian who lived in UK and would not say it's a british thing at all, just a parenting thing, bad parenting that is. While there are cultural differences and we north americans tend to be more hyperparents (not sure if that is such a good thing) what this story sounds like is a very careless or really stressed parent who made a bad call. Most parents british or otherwise just wouldn't do that.

[alison222]

never in my wildest dreams would i do that. What if the child got up and you didn't hear it on the monitor/
I would however let my neighbours on onw side babysit as i know them and theor childrne very well but thats another kettle of fish altogether.
In this position i would have put the child in the car with me to the airport.

[Anoah]

I'm another American living in England. I have always thought that this kind of "parenting" was more common in the US. I have known many parents in the USA that leave their children alone. I don't ever see this in the UK. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen here, but I think it's more common in the US to be honest.

I don't know many latch key kids in the UK. But when I was growing up in the USA my friends and I were all latch key kids. We walked home alone after school, came home to an empty house and were alone until 7PM when parents got home from work. That was from age 6 upwards. Don't see a lot of that here in England.

[LeahE]

Sounds odd to me too. Must be an American thing

[Jasnem]

I agree with the other posters, and would never consider it, but I do know of a mum who regularly does this (although she does know her neighbour very well.)

[Jasnem]

I agree with the other posters, and would never consider it, but I do know of a mum who regularly does this (although she does know her neighbour very well.)

[colinandcaitlinsmommy]

I'm afraid the taxi thing isn't practical here, MTS. We live in a very rural town about 50 miles away from the airport, and there is only 1 taxi service with a few cars here, and it would be horribly expensive.

That's why I asked, VVVQV (love the name, btw). I pretty much knew the answer anyway (seem to remember a thread about how far would you go out of your house and bring a baby monitor) but don't want my friend to think its a british thing. Now I can show her what you all have said.

We thought the baby monitor thing was a bit odd, but what really got us was the fact they don't really know the neighbors. She was just so stunned when the neighbor came over with the baby monitor that I think she didn't really know what to do.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Dont get why that kind of behaviour is deemed as "British or European".

Awful in any case. Friend should have refused.

[bobbybobbobbingalong]

I'd take the child, let dh find his own way from the airport (he's a big boy after all), get dh's parents to pick him up or (a last resort) let dh's parents have ds overnight.

[LIZS]

So not that close then. Does sound bizarre that she wasn't even expected to be in the house to baby sit him. Let alone that they were not close friends and her ds wouldn't knwo ehr.

[Lacrimosa]

OK Im just going to say it, I dont think its British behaviour, I thinks its bloody aufull, Is there no laws about leaving children on their own?