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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

If you bottle fed your first would you feel bad about breastfeeding a second?

45 replies

wannaBe1974 · 13/01/2006 12:13

My sister is currently pg with her second baby - she has a 2 year old DS. When her DS was born, she did try to breastfeed, but as some may relate, things didn't go very well and she abandoned attempts when he was a week old and bottle fed him instead. Recently we were talking about her having her second baby and I asked if she was going to try and breastfeed again to which she replied that she didn't really think so, because she wouldn't really want to give something to her second baby that she wasn't able to give to her first one. I'd never really thought about it like that, as if I had a second one I probably would try and breastfeed again even though I also wasn't able to breastfeed my DS.

Would anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

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LuckyStar05 · 15/01/2006 14:48

I tried to bf ds1 for 4 weeks then switched to bottles. Decided to try again with ds2 (nothing to lose) and we are still bf at 6 months. Lots of things are different second time around - more relaxed as a parent, knew what to expect and had the benefit of the experience of other mum-friends who did manage to bf. Also completely ignored all the literature this time around.

poppiesinaline · 14/01/2006 15:42

Tried to BF DS1 but he had severe reflux and I gave up after 10 days and I hated every minute of it so bottled fed.

BF baby No 2 for 3 months (still hated it but was paranoid she would have dairy intolerance like DS1) - she didn't btw!

No 3 bottle fed!

eidsvold · 14/01/2006 09:32

i was like this - dd1 was ng tube fed and then at about 3 months on bottle fed. I did express for about 8 weeks and that milk was supplemented by formula. When I was pregnant with dd2 - I was determined to bottle fed - had the bottles etc... ended up breastfeeding - whilst in hospital and when we first came hom e- she had both breastmilk and formula until my milk came in fully...

There were times I felt a failue and if not for my fab sil and dh - I probably would have just decided to bottle feed all the way... dd2 is now 14 months old and she is still having one - two breast feeds a day - more in recent days as she has been ill.

I always thought with dd2 - I would give it a go but if it did not work then I was quite happy to go with bottle feeding.

Poshpaws · 13/01/2006 15:04

I was a bit naughty with DS2.

Bottle-fed with DS1 (had a number of problems) and whilst I didn't feel guilty, I felt disappointed.

With DS2, milk came in (although not a great deal at first) so was told by midwife and HV to keep persevering and the milk will come through fully. Well, I had the bottles from before and some formula just in case, so decided to mix feed until my milk came through. However, what I actually did was stop bf altogether and bottle-fed.

For this, I do feel guilty, although DS2 does not seem to mind .

Socci · 13/01/2006 15:01

Message withdrawn

JoolsToo · 13/01/2006 14:55

sorry only read OP but I don't understand that at all. It's what's right at the time.

I doubt her children would worry about who was and wasn't breastfed when they're older!

tegan · 13/01/2006 14:49

I bottle fed DD1 due to going back to work when she was 5 weeks old, then I had given up work when DD2 came along so I bf her for as 5 weeks and gave up but I would consider bfing again if I had another baby. DD1 didn't suffer for not being bf.

blondie82 · 13/01/2006 14:08

i bottle feed my dd, but feel really guilty that i didnt bf. when we have our second im determined to bf this time.

when i went to the antenatal classes, i was the only one in the group that was going to bottlefeed. felt an odd one out after that

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 13:55

Well, if you want support in Tower Hamlets, there's loads of it here. Also, we run antenatal classes here, with a separate breastfeeding evening. I think the BFCs run other breastfeeding evenings, too, as prep for pregnant ladies.

Imafairy · 13/01/2006 13:54

NQC - I actually only work in the Docklands, but thank you for the offer anyway. (Live in SW London)

bosscat · 13/01/2006 13:54

I might feel like your sister actually. My heart would feel like that but my head would say give it a go and don't be daft. Don't know which one would win!

pottytrainingcod · 13/01/2006 13:52

me breast ds1 bottle ds2 breast ds3

aragon · 13/01/2006 13:51

Wouldn't feel at all guilty. Only managed about 10 very difficult weeks with DS but would love to have continued. I would definitely give it another go in the unlikely event I get another baby.

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 13:46

Imafairy, I remember from another thread, you are in Docklands? (or maybe you just work there?)

At any rate, I live locally, and know the local BF support scene quite well. If you do live in Docklands, I can recommend classes, drop-ins etc, if you want.

Imafairy · 13/01/2006 13:45

Littlefish - sounds like you and I went through exactly the same thing.
I gave up BF DS after about 10 days (it got to a stage where anytime I heard him cry I started crying at the thought of having to feed him again), and have suffered immense guilt about it for ages. I felt like a failure, and couldn't ask for help. DS is now over 2 and is a happy healthy intelligent adorable toddler, so I try not to beat myself up about it, and argue that happy mother=happy baby. Am expecting #2 in May and am going to try to BF again, but am going to go easier on myself (that's the plan anyway) if it doesn't work.

Littlefish · 13/01/2006 13:35

Hotmama - congrats on your pregnancy. Have a wonderful time breastfeeding! Well done for contacting LaLeche - I've heard from other friends that they are an excellent support.

Littlefish · 13/01/2006 13:34

Exactly Robin3. The one thing that helped was when I started to give dd solids. I poured my heart and soul into making her delicious, nutritious food. I enjoyed being creative with her food and felt that I was (and still am) giving her the best I possibly could. At 14 months she has only ever eaten home cooked, organic food, and only ever drunk water. I know that this will gradually change as she is in different environments - I want her to enjoy food with other people and not feel that any foods are "bad" or "forbidden".

I think at the time, I was bordering PND and felt like such a failure that I couldn't bring myself to ask for help, I'd always been the sort of person who was so in control, that others came to for support. Next time I WILL get help!

robin3 · 13/01/2006 13:21

Littlefishes...I was exactly like you and really gutted when I started to fail producing enough and had to stop but 2 years on and I have a healthy little boy I have finally forgiven myself. Think it made me very determined to feed him well when he hit solids and I followed Annabel Karmel to the letter. Not sure why but I never reached out for help even though I knew it was available. It's such a confusing and overwhelming time.

hotmama · 13/01/2006 13:15

just read Littlefishes post - that is exactly how I feel.

Important point - this time I will ignore HV advice - muppets!

hotmama · 13/01/2006 13:14

I bf dd1 for 10 weeks and then ff. I am 37+ weeks pregnant with dd2 and would like to bf for longer. I know it is going to be hard to bf with a 15 month old. I have tried to get 'knowledged' up by attending La Leche meetings etc. I feel guilty for not bf dd1 for longer but she has had individual attention etc that dd2 will not get.

Tbh - I want to try my best for any of my children - I'm sad that bf didn't work out as planned for dd1 but I am more determined to persevere with dd2 - don't see why she should suffer.

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 13:08

Ugh, poor woman, wannaBe, and even more poor kids!

Littlefish · 13/01/2006 12:56

I made a complete mess of breastfeeding my dd and stopped at 4 weeks. I feel incredibly guilty about it even now and she's 14 months old! I still get very emotional if I try and talk about it. Because of this, I am absolutely determined that if we are lucky enough to have another baby, I will make sure that I access all the support possible. I will shout, jump up and down, beg, and scream until I get it right.

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wannaBe1974 · 13/01/2006 12:54

and yeh the woman in question was.. well I wouldn't necessarily say not very nice, but she was a bit of a fruit loop. Both her babies were prem and she used to hold it against them. They were 14 and 16, and if they misbehaved she would tell them that they felt nothing for her and what she'd done for them, how they were born weighing only 3 lb each and how she'd cried over their cots ... etc etc.

OP posts:

wannaBe1974 · 13/01/2006 12:53

agree totally. I personally got home from hospital and decided that I had to put the needs of my child who was screaming with hunger before the need to persiveer for a few more days and wear myself and my DS out in the process. And thus I dispatched my DH to mothercare for bottles. Ironically I bought a tin of formula before DS was born but no bottles - maybe that part of my brain shrank during pregnancy? lol. I guess that deep down I didn't think I'd be giving up so soon.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 13/01/2006 12:48

That being said, the woman you spoke to sounds horrible. I don't think women who have problems breastfeeding, and don't manage it, are all just making an excuse for giving up!

And I do think breastfeeding should be a genuine choice. If a woman does not want to breastfeed, then she shouldn't.

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