Other parents giving your child food...

[anniebear]

Am I the only one that finds it annoying?

I go to a local play area. I have 2dd, twins age 4. One has SN and will just stand by people if they are eating

Most of the time people will give her some crisps, even a chip before now.

I wouldn't dream of giving another Child food. Apart from the fact that I don't want mine taking food off people they don't know, they could have allergies (ok, they haven't!! but they could have!!)

One week when they were a bit younger I looked round and my other dd was sitting at a table and an older lady was giving her some chips and sausage

Am I going ott?

[FrannyandZooey]

You shouldn't have to watch an allergic child like a hawk IMO - I think community parenting should include respect for other people's different parenting styles and potential health risks. It only takes a minute to check with the parent.

[iota]

can't imagine my kids taking food from strangers -- it's hard enough to get them to eat at home

[roastpumpkin]

Mog, you do watch them like hawks when they?re little of course ? but realistically you can?t keep a child away from anyone with food all the time ? people hide carry sweets and crisps in their pockets ? and gluten can hide in the most unlikely places. I was just making a plea for people to ask as it avoids the embarrassing situation where I have to dive between kind adult and child to intercept the food before it reaches child?s mouth. This upsets the child who knows to be careful with food but thinks food given to him is ?safe?, and makes the adult feel bad when they were only trying to be kind.

[rummum]

Yep... son has an allergy to dairy, eggs and nuts.. and I tended to stalk him...
I agree older people think they are probably being nice

[Mog]

But surely those posters who have children with food allergies/intolerances watch them like hawks when they are around food. I think 'modern day' parents do ask first, but the older generation or maybe those who have never met anyone with allergies might not be so aware.

And to be honest if I had a child who was potentially allergic to fried foods I would keep them well away from these areas as, if nothing else, they will be disappointed that they can't eat what all their pals are.

[NotQuiteCockney]

I always ask. But I don't get bothered when others don't ask, they don't mean badly.

I go in for community parenting in a big way. Funnily enough, so do my boys, they'll talk to or cuddle with anyone. DS2 (15 months) was freaking out other mums at the library today by getting them to read him books, and by giving them hugs!

[roastpumpkin]

I have a ds with coeliac disease who has to have
a gluten free diet so I agree with poppiesinaline

• please ask first.
  
  I was worried that a couple of posters said chips
  would be ok - ds can't have chips that have been
  fried in the same oil as anything containing
  gluten (eg batter, breadcrumbs, most sausages)
  due to contamination so please be careful even
  if there are no obvious allergens involved.

[poppiesinaline]

DS had a dairy intolerance when he was younger and so yes it really annoys me when people give children food without checking first! If someone gave him any dairy produce he would be unwell for a few days afterwards but imagine a severe allergy (eg nuts or something) and the danger involved! Think it is really inconsiderate when people do that.

[anniebear]

and of course I would have asked the child in that situation you were in if she was ok and looked for her carer

Maybe we will just have to agree to disagree

[anniebear]

Twiglett, of course I'd talk to child if it spoke to me and of course I would help a child if it needed it. I was just saying that I don't think it's my responsibility to look out for other peoples children. I have two 4 year olds myself and they take most of my 'looking out'!!

If you asked the other parents in the play area who's kids were they watching, they surely would say their own?

[edam]

I wouldn't normally give a child food without checking with his or her parent/carer. But I did exactly that at a carol service a few weeks ago - shocked myself! Neighbour's little boy was sitting right in front of me, had got to the point where I was feeding ds rice crackers (discreetly) to stop him getting too noisy and active. Little Harry spotted this and turned round and gestured for one (he's just turned 3 and must have been trying to keep quiet). So I passed him a cracker without checking. Not sure why I didn't check first, but probably because parents were facing front and was trying to keep quiet. Luckily his mother was fine with it... didn't actually plan to overstep the mark like that.

[swedishmum]

Mine were given 2 lollies each (the tooth rotting kind) in China Town this afternoon after a meal. Dd3 is not yet 2. I told them not to open them in there and took them away when we left -but as 3 of mine are a bit older it's much easier and they know my response by now!

[hotmama]

I still meet up with my antenatal goup - so all the dds/dss are the same age - 15/16 months.

If one is eating they all get that drooling look - like they never get fed . If it is my dd that is eating I always say to the mums is it O.K. for xxx to have a ricecake/bit of satsuma etc - but would never dream of giving a child any food even if they were gazing lovingly at whatever dd was eating - out of courtesy to other parental wishes and also you never know about allergies etc - also I am pretty strict about what dd eats - so expect them to do the same.

[saadia]

I think people sometimes offer out of politeness. I remember once when we were little and were on the bus having sweets and our mum made us offer some to some other children who were sitting opposite.

If someone offered my dss food like that I wouldn't be happy but I would think it wasn't badly meant. OTOH I would never now offer stranger children food without first checking with their parents.

[Twiglett]

case in point .. in a soft play area last wednesday there was a child (of around 4) crying in the toddler (under 2 section) .. I watched her for a while (whilst watching my own 20 month old) ... looked around to see if anyone else was watching her .. couldn't see anyone

so I lent forward and asked her if she was ok .. at which point another mother I hadn't seen told me it was ok that the child's mother was on her way down and that she was a bit of a drama queen .. we had a nice little chat, smiled pleasantly and parted

I left happy there wasn't a child crying because no-one gave a damn .. and the other mother seemed happy that a complete stranger actually gave a damn

... community parenting .. long may it remain

[Twiglett]

Anniebear . . I heartily disagree with your assertion that we aren't all, as adults and parents, responsible for the children within our reach / grasp

of course not ultimately responsible but in a beign and caring way yes I do believe that is what we should all strive for to lessen the burden for all parents collectively

I find it an extremely sad indictment of the breakdown of our social ethics that so many parents share your view that they are merely an audience to every other family .. life could be so much more pleasant if people just gave a damn or made the effort to appear as though they do

ahhhh sweet utopia .. I shall head for it one step at a time (2 steps forward, 3 steps back most of the time)

[Mog]

I'm with Twiglett on this and I hope anyone reading this doesn't get paranoid about interacting with other kids at these play areas. I still don't really get what is wrong if your dd doesn't have any allergies? Don't you like her eating chips or crisps? While of course we are not responsible for each others children in these play areas, I've always felt there is a sort of mummy sisterhood and don't like the idea of setting up etiquette boundries.
As I said wouldn't it be worse if they ignored your dd, at least they are trying to interact with her.

[anniebear]

excuse the bad spelling!!

[anniebear]

Don't you also find in these places, you end up spending more on food and drinks in there than you do on the enterance fee?!!!

[anniebear]

That should have read I would make her (as in my child) give it back to the persons table she pinched it off

[anniebear]

Of course I would grab it back....... especially if it was my cookie!!!!!!

Could pinch my toast but not my cookie!! lol


If my child grabbed a cookie off a table I would make them give it back.

we wouldn't have any cookies left on our table....they would have been eaten very quickly

[anniebear]

I don't really think that play area's are designed for us to look out for each others kids

If you asked the owner he would say it is for children to play, parents to have a coffee and for us to look after our own children surely?

(Oh, and for him/her to make lots of money of course )

I would never expect another parent/carer who I didn't know to be watching out for my child.

Yes, a friend I was with would look after my girls if I needed the toilet etc

But it's not for us to look out for other children we don't even know in a play area like that

[Aloha]

i would always check it was ok. theother day at a play offered orange rrice cakes to a child who was restless - but did the eye contact & gesture thingto ensure it was ok with his mother.