health visitors.do you love them or hate them?

[mum28]

after a spell of mental illness,i was put under the microscope and baby was checked up on all the time.they were more of a pain than a help.how do you get on with yours?.

[SamboM]

Why do you do that? Sorry I'm just interested as I've never been asked to do it other than in a temple or something.

[Bobsmum]

Where I live, everyone seems to take their shoes off in my hallway - even babies and toddlers. (When they visit me that is, not people just coming in randomly off the street)

It's something I've never done, but everyone else I know here does it and probably talks about me behind my back because I don't. Is it bad manners not to?

a new thread?

[Jenie]

I have a friend who had new carpets through out his house and made everyone take their shoes off, always had to remember not to wear the socks with holes in!

His carpets do look great even after 3yrs they look new. Maybe it's a man thing? When ever we visited when he wasn't in his wife said not to bother as they only do it when he was home.

[DaddyCool]

I'm Canadian and it seems to be the done thing over there. Last time I visited home I was ammused to see a whole group of workmen come by my mum's to put in new windows and they all systematically took off their shoes at the front door before starting work.

[slug]

janinlondon, health visitors are something that you get if you live outside London. The one at our doctor's surgery discourages talking as it takes up too much of her valuable time. Which suits me fine as the only time I saw her open her mouth, absolute rubbish came out.

[Davros]

We do get HVs in London too, more's the pity! I have found them all extremely nice but totally useless, especially when I was trying to get help with my son who turned out to be autstic. They didn't have a clue about anyting outside the "normal" and no idea about disordered development. Even with the simplest thing I always got (and get now with 5 mos baby) "well, it could be worth waiting to see the doctor...... or you could just wait and see what happens" about EVERYTHING!! I also resent going to clinics etc now as I feel I know more about development than they do

[Harrysmum]

Maybe it's a living in a less populated area thing (see how clean are maternity hospitals) but my HV and the team associated with the practice are fantastic. I can call them any time with all sorts of little queries (eg is this thrush on his bottom, can I continue to bf whilst vomiting etc) to the major crises. If I can't get through there is a machine for messages and one of them will call back asap (within an hour has been my experience) and they are always very helpful - full of common sense and very down to earth so very practical advice and know when to say don't be silly in the nicest possible way. The couple of times I've really had problems they have called back in a few days to follow up and just give a really professional service. I know them all because as well as your named HV you meet the rest at the baby clinics. I know it's not the same elsewhere in the city but I have really struck gold with my lot!

[Davros]

Harrysmum, I live in a fairly heavily populated area so don't think that's the problem as I can do just as you do but I always go to the GP. They always call back very quickly, give great advice, will see us immediately, leave prescriptions etc. I just can't see the point of bothering with the HVs when I can speak to a GP.

[Nome]

Slug Mine too.

[fio2]

Davros sorry you had such a crap HV I am very niave and thought all HV should know about disorded development (apparently not) My HV is very good and extremly helpful when I was having problems with my dd, who turned out to have a global development delay, she even helped me to get all the benefits(DLA, CA) I was entitled to and showed me useful therapies to do etc. But...she is a portage worker aswell and this is what I think this may have made her more knowledgable on SN subjects. My friend is having quite a few issues with her son at the moment, his development is delayed and his behaviour is odd/horredous and her HV keeps saying its just his age???-unfortunatley my friend beleives her myabe its your old HV Davros

[LucieB]

Not keen on mine. Their hours are so inflexible and really look down on working mums. I am working full-time although I would rather be part-time or a SAHM. They have told me that I can only take my ds for his MMR on Tuesdays between 1 and 3 which is no good for me. And when I protested and asked whether they had thought about some later appointments, they said that there was no call for later appointments in the area (Putney). Don't tell me that there aren't any other full time working mums in Putney!!!!

[Harrysmum]

Davros - great to have such good access to your GPs; that can be more of a problem at our practice but they will give in if you say it's for a sick baby. Usually I just want a quick question answered without needing to see anyone which is why I like our HV system and the fact that they are so approachable. Luckily all of our HVs are working mums so it makes them very understanding to the issues it can raise. Also v pro breastfeeding as we have a shockingly low rate compared to the rest of the UK so they will do all they can to support you.

[florenceuk]

re shoes (yes way off topic) - in my family it is a cultural thing, you don't wear shoes inside, so I don't think it is strange at all, on the contrary, wearing shoes inside seems positively unclean! DH grew up on a farm, with similar policy. Plus when DS was crawling, I found it more reassuring to think that at least he wasn't sucking up street dirt off the floor. However I am a wimp and don't tell visitors - I expect them to infer it from the huge pile of shoes at the door and the fact that DS and I are shoeless.

My HV was lovely but not that helpful eg she told me that the reason my baby was thrashing about refusing to feed was that my milk wasn't good enough, and I should give a bottle!

[SamboM]

Charming! What a horrible woman!

Florenceuk I don't wear shoes in my own house! I just don't expect to be told to take them off in someone else's. Obv if I am wearing muddy shoes I do, but otherwise I would think that they would find it rude (unless I know them very well).

[SueW]

We take off shoes too when we come into the house but I don't mind if visitors don't. I do object strongly to shoes on furniture though.

Most workmen we've had take off their (obviously dirty) boots when they enter the house e.g. to do a quote or go to the loo, if they aren't destroying the inside of the house as part of the job!

[Meid]

The first time my health visitor saw DD she said "oooh suntan". My DD is mixed race. What a stupid, clumsy comment of her to make.

If ever I went to her for advice she would listen, then ask me what I thought and agree saying I should try that. She never came up with anything I hadn't suggested myself.

LucieB, I agree, I am told that my only option is to go to baby clinic which is in the middle of the day. Not much help for a working mum. As a result, they keep writing to me about DD's MMR, Hib booster and now a 2 year check. I hope they can fit us in at Christmas because I think that is my next break from work.

[Davros]

flo2, your hv sounds great. The other thing I kept hearing was that "its because he's a boy"..... which in a way it is as autism 4 times more in boys....

[hmb]

Mine was (and still is) wonderful. Very laid back, happy to call round as often as we wanted. Very supportive and nothing seemed to faze her. I got the feeling that over the years she had seen just about everything. I also loved her from the moment that she told me her youngest child was a wonderful accident. She said, 'everyone else had a menopause and I had a Joseph'

[slug]

My favourite HV moment was when we took the sluglet for her 18 month check. "Is she walking yet?" asked the HV as the sluglet ran around her feet.

DH is a stay at home daddy, but the HV didn't seem to be able to get her head around this and directed all her questions at me, which DH answered. You'd think she'd get the hint when I kept on referring to him, but Nooooo, she spoke only to me.

[Wills]

Meid - I've come across plenty of managers that operate a similar policy of asking you how to resolve the problem and then agreeing - possibly she's trying that approach !

Mine is good and bad as in good advice and crap advice. Unfortunately the crap is always far more memorable like when dd1 was 5 days old and I caught a sickness bug. I couldn't put her to the breast and ended up giving her a bottle. The hv reacted by being horrified and stated that it would take me over a week of bf to get rid of the awful bottle stuff. Naturally this reduced me to tears!

[marthamoo]

My first one was a joke (I can even laugh about it now, six and a half years on. Haha. Through gritted teeth).

On her first visit, she bounced in, all jolly, speaking in a Joyce "come on children..let's all pretend to be little flowers!" Grenfell voice.

"How are we doing?" she chirped.

"Not good, " says me, "I've got post-natal depression."

"Oh!" Poor woman was a little crestfallen, but plodded on regardless.."well that's something I'll have to do a little reading on before I come to see you again..little bit of homework for me!"

She then measured DS1's head, said "oh dear, it's grown a lot since birth. I think you should go to the GP with him. Now."

I practically ran down the road with DS1, in tears, convinced he had hydrocephalus (I have Spina Bifida Occulta so was paranoid about S.B. throughout my pregnancy). Was told by my GP that two measurements (one at birth, one by HV 10 days later) were not sufficient to show any kind of discernable growth pattern..and that, basically, the HV was a silly old cow who shouldn't be let loose on susceptible new Mums.

Didn't have a lot of faith in her after that

And she came for an hour,every week for a year..because of the PND.

To be fair, the HV I had with DS2 (new area) was absolutely brilliant, can't praise her highly enough.

[katierocket]

I can't believe some of the stories on here. How can a HV be allowed to not know anything about PND!!!

Mine is really nice and was quite reasuring when DS was newborn but she didn't really have a whole lot of actual useful advice.

[Jimjams]

Davros- I agree - you average health visitor wouldn't recognise autism if it was dancing in front of them. I certainly know more about language development and red flags for autism than any health visitor I've ever come across. I reckon could go to any health visitor in the land and say "my 19 month old likes spinning everything up and he never points" and they still wouldn't understand the significance of that.

On the other hand I now have a very supportive HV. She's written letters for me, given various referalls. Questions me every time I see her about depression (I'd have no chance of having undiagnosed depression with her around- I think she thinks I should be depressed ). She is good. Doesn't seem very keen on giving me free nappies though

Had a real mix in London. The worst ones are those who can't even weigh a baby correctly (said ds2 was putting on weight when he was getting skinnier and skinnier- turned out to have an infection).

[Davros]

Jimjams, getting the nappies should be a piece of piss - ha ha, couldn't resist sorry if too crude! I can't remember what we did now but maybe try the CDC if the HV won't play ball. It should be up to her though, you're entitled. I do remember that they weren't very nice ones though......

[Jimjams]

I haven't pushed it becuase I don't want them really- if I take them I'll be too lazy to potty train, and I keep thinking- "we'll soon get there" ha! Maybe not! Also a friend gave me all hers when she'd trained her dd. They didn't fit ds1 so I used them on ds2. I rang the incontinence people as well hoping for some washable samples, but no go- and they didn't offer me free nappies either (or any advice- "ooh we don't know much about autism but he sounds like he's doing well" (yeah potty training for 2 years- really well!)