Is the jump from having one child to having two easier than from none to one?

[hunkermunker]

??

[tortoiseshell]

Was rambling a bit there, forgot that the hardest thing with dd was the mornings. Ds and I enjoyed lovely lazy mornings, getting dressed when we were both ready. With dd, ds had to be up and out for playgroup, so we just HAD to be ready at a fixed time.

[tortoiseshell]

Hmm, second time around I found dd easier than ds had been, BUT the big difference was the first time I didn't have an elder child. I think with your first you are on such a steep learning curve, but certainly in the first weeks you are at home, with nothing else you need to do, can devote your time to baby, reading books about babycare etc. Baby can sleep when it wants to, be fed when it wants to...

Second time, you have the same demands of the baby, but a toddler to deal with as well - where I took ds out in the pram for walks lots, went to the shops with friends to wander round looking at baby clothes etc, it was impossible with dd, because it wouldn't be a nice relaxing stroll pushing a pram, it would be a full on 'get the 2 year old round the shops without breaking something'. So yes I do think it's harder going from 1-2 than from 0-1, but I don't think it's a difference you would notice unless you analyse it iyswim!

[mumbee]

I have just read through this thread and it has remind me what it was like ( now Dd is 6y and Ds is 4y) their is 17 months between them

Had a new kitchen/dinning room built on to house when 7 months PG with Ds completed 2 weeks before Christmas, also lost my father early on in PG, That was Hell, Ds born in Jan.

Both had colic, difficult for first 3 months, feeding was never easy for either of them, Dd easy to put down form 4months Ds nightmare form 7 months at 8 months DH went to NY just after 9/11/2001.

The rewards a friend who look after Ds one after noon a week so Dd and I could be alone was bliss, Dh who sent me out for day trips once or twice a year, bliss. I had two well adjusted toddlers. Cleaning went on the back burner most of the time, laundry and feeding were the only chores done.

So is the jump easier no!!!! but it is far more satisifing to look back with rose tinted glasses

[ScummyMummy]

I have twins as my first children so went straight from 0 - 2. Everyone always said "Oh what a shock it must have been, couldn't cope with 2 at once, my 1 is hard enough." But I have a theory that actually the hard bit of having babies is not necessarily the baby itself though obviously some are harder work than others but more the shock of parenthood. I think with your first the shock of parenthood is massive whether you have 1, 2 or 5 at once, though clearly 5 would be a logistical nightmare of stomach churning proportions. It's about having someone (sometwo in my case) more important than yourself in your life and having to subvert your lives to care for them. I think that for many parents the adjustment to the shock means that subsequent babies seem easier. For others more babies extend and deepen the shock so it all seems that much harder!

[spidermama]

I remember feeling incredibly busy after having number two. I was constantly on the go with no let up. Once I learned there would be no let up, and I let go of my ambitions to, say, read the paper or watch telly, things got easier.

I don't know what your gap is Hunkermunker, but mine was just 15 months and I wouldn't recommend it.

It really helped that I was still feeding dd1 because there didn't seem to be the jealousy. I also found that co-sleeping meant I could make the most of my nights.

This sounds so awful to some people, but it's not meant to be: I found things much easier when I was able to let go of my ego and my personal needs and throw myself into motherhood. That way, there was less conflict of interest, I could focus entirely on the job of mothering and the whole thing became easier.

[logic]

She's 10 weeks, lockets - I have taken her to see a cranial osteopath once but she has gone on holiday so I will have to wait a couple of weeks to see her again.

[sassy]

Massively easier.

The first few weeks are a blur but once you'vegot the new one feeding/sleeping pattern established a bit it quickly settles down. I LOVE having 2!

(Never get a moment to myself though. Can't wait until dd2 (7mo) starts going to bed at 7pm and I get my evenings back)

[SamN]

what a good question to ask hm.

I agree with logic and puff. Some things are easier, because you're used to having a kid already, but others are a lot harder. I have found the first year exceedinly difficult. Ds2 has been v ill and ds1 has gone from being lovable boy to grumpy big brother and I feel guilty about how little attention I give him. (We have about 27 months between them. Ds2 is 1 now and Ds3 is 3y4m.)

but strangely, I feel like I've changed into more of an earth mother with ds2. Perhaps it's the sling wearing and bed sharing?

[logic]

Cheers, lockets. It will get better won't it? I have to keep repeating this to myself. I'm only on here because dd is (finally) asleep on dh's chest and now I can't sleep!

[WideWebWitch]

yes, haven't read thread but god, none to one was shocking, one to two much, much, much less so. piece of p* in fact, compared to the first time. But good big age gap, fab partner etc, it all helps.

[logic]

I think it does depend on how difficult the 2nd baby is to a certain extent. My dd has colic, screams constantly and refuses to sleep in her own bed. If I was getting more sleep, I might be more relaxed about it all.

I agree that you don't worry about the 2nd baby half as much but I do feel guilty about not spending as much quality time with my elder child.

[Blackduck]

yes - i didn't want any - now have one - and can now invisage a whole football team - not say I WILL have more than one thou'

[hunkermunker]

Yes, a sling is a definite purchase for this time around - want one I can feed in too.

PMSL at eggbox "helping"

[Melpomene]

I second what Tanzie said about a sling. I have a Huggababy which is worth its weight in gold. You can breastfeed in it so you're not chained to a chair. In the early weeks it enabled me to breastfedd dd2 while baking biscuits with dd1 or playing aeroplanes. One time I even breastfed dd2 in the sling while walking around a shopping centre

[moonshine]

Oh no 1-2 was far far harder for me. Agree about the work not doubling but quadrupling, and more. You may know what to expect but you also know that there are stages coming up that you will dread. And I have definitely turned from Earth-ish Mother, to Bitch-Mother since number 2.

Apart from that, it's great - go for it .

[morocco]

I didn't find the jump easier - I was bloody knackered for months on end - the gap is 17 months and ds1 had slept all day whereas ds2 never ever ever slept at all and just screamed hi head off. I shudder even now to think of it.

but . . .

now it's absolutely fab and I think easier than just having one as they play together, amuses themselves, both can feed themselves etc etc. ds2 is 17 months old now and ds1 is almost 3

so if it is a bit of a mare, try to remember it doesn't last long

[Melpomene]

I'm finding 1-2 much easier (2 year gap). Feel a lot more confident and relaxed, know what to expect. DD2 is a lot more calm than dd1 ever was, and this pattern seems pretty common.

Also you have more of a sense of perspective second time round. You know that babyhood passes in a flash and that most of the problems that seem like such a big deal when they happen will be sources of laughter/anecdotes a few months down the line.

Plus we already have all the clothes/toys/books/equipment, so don't need to worry about that.

I suppose it does depend on how well the older one reacts to the baby, though. We've been fortunate and dd1 is a very sweet big sister to dd2.

[Mirage]

I agree with Logic.There are 21 months between dd1 & dd2 & I find myself trying to split myself between the two of them.I don't think it helped that we moved house when dd2 was 3wks old & simultaneously dd2 decided that she no longer wanted to wear nappies.DD1 has an uncanny knack of waiting until I am feeding DD2,before coming to tell me 'Oh dear,wee-wee on floor.'

I'm hoping that it will get easier as they get older,although DD1 likes to try & help me with DD2.I found dd2 asleep today with an empty eggbox balanced on her head-courtesy of DD1,who told me that she was 'helping'.

[logic]

Sorry, I am finding 1-2 much much harder than 0-1. With the first, you have all of your time and energy to spend on them and it's all new and exciting. With 2 there is more than double the work and just don't even ask about the laundry. It's so hard to divide your time between a toddler and a newborn BUT I am hoping that it will become easier later on when they can entertain each other!

[zubb]

HM - you may be lucky and have another laid back baby. I was amazed at how easy ds1 was, but he was nothing compared to ds2, good sleeper, good feeder, always smiling, just fitted into our life with no problem. There is a 22 month gao between them so ds1 was still in nappies but it didn't seem a problem.
I'm really pushing it though as have 6 weeks till ds3 arrives (another 22 month gap) - I've got my fingers crossed that lightening strikes thrice!

[Caligula]

Yes

[niceglasses]

0-1 terrible shock and I was completely neurotic. 1-2 much more laid back & tried to go with the baby instead of making baby fit in with me but you just have to get good at juggling.2-3 tough in terms of spreading attention, but not in terms of basic childcare as sorta know what I'm doing although this one doesn't sleep and I'm sure I did the same things.

I'm quite shocked at how my few brain cells don't work any more.

You'll be fine. As long as they all get at least 1 hot meal a day and are dressed some time before lunch, youre doing great in my book.