Been duped by my closest friend :(

[BadgerBadger]

At her DD's birthday party, she also did food for the adults. She filled my plate as I was feeding DD2 at the time. There was some curry, I asked her what it was and she said lamb.

After the meal I overheard her telling others that it was goat, adding "Don't tell 'Badger' because she doesn't eat it."

I confronted her immediately as I've made it perfectly clear over the years that we've been friends that I don't ever wish to eat goat. She did apologise, also said but then added - if you've still got a problem, leave.

Which I did. Her apology was flippant and I'm hurt that she lied, then amused herself by admitting so to others there. So left slightly early, to sympathetic words from others who'd clocked all this.

How would you feel?

[whatsername]

eeek, sorry, didn't realise how long that was...

[whatsername]

Hmm, sometimes it takes something like this to see what someone is really like. I had a friend who had been a friend since we were 3. We had grown up together and been almost inseparable through childhood. We had one fall out when we were 16, basically because we'd been doing different things and grown apart. I was happy to welcome her back as a friend a couple of years later. I sent her a birth announcement when ds was born and after not talking for 18 months we became almost as close as we had been before.

She has been away a lot, at Uni, a year off travelling, working away, etc. We met up about a year ago and went out for the evening. After a nice evening at the cinema, we got into a debate on the drive home about principles and ethics etc. She basically criticized everything I believe in, saying I was naive/stupid/a hypocrite, etc. The worst thing for me was a comment about parenting (bearing in mind she has no kids and very little contact with them), we were talking about the fact that I was home educating my kids. I asked her why she has such a problem with the idea of home education, her response 'I don't have a problem with home education generally, I have a problem with you home educating'.

I was (fairly understandably) very hurt and upset about many of the things she'd said. A couple of days later she contacted me again asking if I wanted to go out again next time she came down. After lots of soul searching and wondering if I was being really petty, I told her no, I didn't think it was a good idea. I didn't want to not be friends with her, but thought it was a bit pointless meeting up as we always seemed to argue. I've not heard from her since.

I still feel slightly guilty when I think about her, but on thw whole cutting her out of my life was the best thing I could have done. It's only with hindsight that I realised what damage she did to my self esteem. She was always putting herself down, but always managed to do it in such a way that she put me down too. I felt quite liberated releasing myself from that!

I know it's not the same as your situation, but I think it can be all too easy to fall into habits with people who make you feel bad about yourself. Sometimes, painful as it is, something which draws your attention to that is a good thing.

Having said that, I'm a veggie and if anyone deliberately fed me meat I would never, ever forgive them

[LGJ]

To quote Davina Mc Call............

She sounds proper bonkers..............

[BadgerBadger]

Weeell, I met her a couple of times this week through group meets. Yesterday I called her to check that she was still coming to my DD1's birthday party today with her DD (our DD's are the same age). She said she was.

Today her DD turned up escorted by another mum who's child was invited. She ('friend') had rung several of the invited children's mums to tell them she wouldn't be coming to the party as "Badger is being 'funny' with me".

Then sent me a text, x's and all to say her DD had had a wonderful time. WTF?

Thankfully the rest of my friends are quite capable of seeing that she is merely attention seeking (several of them were ones that witnessed last weeks episode). TBH, I haven't the time, energy or inclination to play this particular game!

Talk about true colours! The fog has lifted and I think I am actually quite relieved to have lost this 'friend'!

[flamesparrow]

Jampots - at least you have a sane reason for the pork... My duck thing is just that I love seeing them waddling about, and would love a pet one .

[BadgerBadger]

I am now a vegetarian.

Thanks Jampots. It's really strange how some people seem to be on a mission to change others views, isn't it!

Gothicmama, I think you're right there. She wasn't drunk, but she is a walking gob TBH. Likes to be the centre of attention at any given opportunity, and if a natural opportunity doesn't arise - she creates one.

Unfortunately I can't break all ties as we are both volunteers with a local group, and I wouldn't withdraw my support of this group due to this, that would be ridiculous.

Damn it, looks like I'm going to have to be grown up about this ! Though I'll certainly curtail our friendship, (I've had a massive shift of perspective), I'll have to keep my thought and feelings about her to myself (in RL - Thanks MNers!) several times a week.

[gothicmama]

was she drunk or showing off tonew friends either way a mean trick

[jampots]

I try not to eat pork mainly because I heard once that it was hte closest meat to human flesh. My inlaws especially used to ridicule me for this and kept telling me how nice it was - expecting me to just accept their word and eat it. Your friend obviously doesnt understand your objections (and doesnt sound like she wants to). I would be horrified with her not only because she duped you but also that she found amusement in her actions too.

[BadgerBadger]

Crossed posts Freckle.

Eating goat is just personal choice, for me akin to eating cat or horse, or dog for that matter! Possibly slightly hypocritical to eat one animal but have such aversion to eating others!
I usually tend towards quite a veg based diet, I don't enjoy eating meat. But whilst I breastfeed (as now), I tend to eat a bit more than usual.

Thanks for your posts.

[BadgerBadger]

nickola, that's a disgusting thing to have done.

In the cold light of (to)day, and having listened to the voice of reason (DH), I'm still shocked be her actions.

Despite what I said earlier, I don't know how I could have a trusting friendship with her anyway. Plus, I'm not sure that someone who can disregard and override anothers personal choice with such ease of conscience is the sort of person I even want for a friend.

Thanks for your support

[Freckle]

Whether she apologises or not (properly as opposed to a text message, which doesn't cut the mustard as far as I am concerned), you have to consider what your relationship will be like in the future. With such a betrayal and mocking of you, you will never be able to trust her again in the way you have until this incident. Your relationship will never be the same and will probably (despite outwardly appearances) be a mere shadow of what you had previously. Is this what you want?

Just as a matter of curiosity, may I ask why you have such an aversion to eating goat? I've never eaten it myself, so have no idea about taste, moral reasons, etc.

[Blackduck]

I wouldn't call this person a friend - they conned you into doing something you expressly said you didn't want to do and then took the mick behind your back - this is the behaviour of children in a playground, not grown ups

[flamesparrow]

That's so horrible!! Psychomum has threatened to feed me duck before without telling me, but I don't think she that brave!!!!

Huge hugs

xxx

[Freckle]

Ooops. Sorry, www. Teach me to read the whole thread before replying!

[Freckle]

Bubbles, see here for an explanation. Probably a lot clearer than anything I could write.

[BubblesDeVere]

Nikcole, that is shocking , i hope your husband gave them what for.

[nikcola]

dp was at wok one day and the lads got a chinease for lunch they offered some to dp saying it was chicken (dp is muslim and doesnt eat pork) after he ate at the lads stated saying to him "how does it feel to eat pork" the bastards

tbh she doesnt sound like a good friend, if she wants forgiving she has to do better than a text meaasge


{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}} sorry you have been hurt like this

[juniperdewdrop]

Yes badger she sounds mostly thoughtful so I hope she is feeling really bad now.

At least you'll be on your guard from now on. Do you see much of her?

[JanH]

Did she know you would hear her telling the others, BB? Could it possibly have not been goat after all and the whole thing was meant to be a joke but backfired?

[Blossomhill]

I would be furious
I am really funny about what meat I eat and my pet hate is lamb, if anyone duped me into eating that god knows how I would react!!!
You poor thing. She doesn't sound like a very good friend. Infact without going too overboard she sounds liek a complete bitch!

[BadgerBadger]

RTMTMML, thanks for your lovely message .

[BadgerBadger]

Thanks so much for your advice.

I've received an apology by text from her, which in fact is preferable to me than a call ATM, as I'm still fuming!

I'll have to have a think about this as it's not a relationship that I want to have to throw away, on the other hand I think I'm going to have a reasessment of our friendship, IYSWIM. Definitely a period of adjustment in order!

DD1 and DD2 opened their party bags. DD1 is 3, but DD2 is 7 months and hers is full of rattles and organic snacks (I'm all organic - friend isn't). This is the sort of friend she usually is.......
how confusing!

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[WideWebWitch]

here

[WideWebWitch]

Bubbles, look at babymilkaction website for an explanation, hang on