Driving - Want to learn but scared!!!

[HaveAGoodDay]

Okay so I'm now at the stage in my life where I really should be driving - my eldest will be going to secondary school in a couple of years & I feel it would be best if I was able to drive before then.

I was never encouraged by my parents to learn when I was younger, we never had the spare money for lessons. My mum never learned, neither did my older sister so I never had any 'inspiration' - iykwim? Only my dad & brothers & husband drive.

I don't know why I'm afraid of driving. I feel inadequate that I can't drive, like the kids sometimes have to miss out on things, as their dad is at work & I can't take them out anywhere. There's been a few parties they've had to miss just because I can't drive!

It's sounds silly, something people do everyday, probably without a second thought but it really bugs me sometimes & I think time is running out, I'm not getting younger, if anything I've left it far too late as it is!

Any tips anyone? Did you feel scared about learning to drive & how did you overcome your anxieties? What's driving like now - best thing you ever did?

[petersnot]

I can't begin to express how much anxiety I used to experience while driving. It was a constant battle between my desire for independence and the overwhelming fear that gripped me behind the wheel. Determined to find a solution, I turned to the internet for help, as I've always been drawn to do-it-yourself approaches.

Online driving lessons became my saving grace. I decided to start by driving during off-peak hours in the city, when there was less traffic to contend with. It was a nerve-wracking experience initially, but with each passing day, my confidence grew. After a couple of weeks, I felt ready to take on more challenging tasks.

Gradually, I started adding complexities to my drives. I navigated through busier streets, tackled roundabouts, and even ventured onto highways. Each step forward felt like a small victory, and I relished in the progress I was making.

The beauty of online lessons was the flexibility they offered. I could learn at my own pace, rewinding and revisiting concepts that required more practice. It allowed me to tailor my driving education to my specific needs and comfort level.

Overcoming my driving anxiety wasn't easy, but I refused to let fear dictate my life. With each challenge I conquered, my confidence soared.

[Ojk90]

I loved reading this comments. I feel braver to learn how to drive.

[BackforGood]

I wonder if *HaveA Good Day ever did take those lessons ?

(This thread started in 2013, and she returned a year later not having got going)

[Becky260978]

I am leaning to drive had my 5th lesson today and I'm so nervous every time xx

[sa2122rt]

wow...i feel motivated..I am 30 ..tomorrow i am gonna start my driving lessons.

[HaveAGoodDay]

Thanks for the encouraging comments and your stories, it's great hearing them!

[Showy]

Oh do it do it do it.

In a couple of months you could be driving. I kept saying I would do it but the turning point was a cock up over who was taking dd to school. It was snowing, the bus was cancelled, her lift to school was 16 miles away and had forgotten her. I had a perfectly serviceable car in the driveway but no idea how to move it from a to b. I felt so bloody small and pathetic as I telephoned the school and explained dd would be very late. I phoned an instructor and booked my theory test that day (had a provisional licence languishing in the drawer) and became the most determined learner ever. I was afraid the whole time. After 7 weeks I passed my test first time with no minors. The world opened up to me. It was pathetic of me to leave it for so long. I now drive more than dh and my dc were so proud of me.

It's tough at first and you can't imagine coordinating all of it at once but the amount of stuff you need to do in a car is finite. And basic believe it or not. The variation comes from the situations you meet on the road and that's just experience/practice.

I passed last year and I get in the drive and give no thought whatsoever to driving the car iyswim. I am focused on the road and other cars but all that gears, clutch, indicate stuff happens on its own after a while.

Do it. DO IT.

[HolgerDanske]

I did it this year at 38, passed second time. It's great and makes such a difference. It wasn't that bad, honest!

You can do it!

[BuilderMammy]

My mum drove but won't do an unfamiliar route, won't park, won't reverse, won't do motorway or multistorey carparks. She leaves all that to my dad. For her entire working life he had to move his car out of the drive, park it, reverse hers off the drive, park it, get back into his and drive away - every single morning. So I grew up seeing driving as a man thing and not for us poor little scared womenfolk

I now live in the country and travel 70km each way to work. I have two small kids as well. All our driving was done by DH till last year when he got very sick and couldn't drive at all for 3 months. I couldn't get to work (public transport between here and work is terrible and incompatible with creche hours, plus the creche is only accessible by car).

I was mortified and decided that that was the end of it, I was bloody well learning.

I passed my test last month and it has made a huge difference to our lives. The first time I went out alone I bawled crying on the motorway - not out of fear, but because I was so happy to have some independence : ) I'm at home alone today and I have the car, and I'm happily wondering where I'm going to go.

It really, really is worth it.

[HaveAGoodDay]

Just found this thread that I started ages ago! I'm not driving yet, haven't even took lessons! It was put on the back burner as we moved house this year so any funds we had has gone toward that!

But the whole driving thing has been biting at me again, this is something I must do this year! We have a major job to do with the house which will cost £££ so that's a priority, but somehow I must start learning to drive withing the next 16 months!

[Kerry001]

Hi HaveAGoodDay and pinknails, just wondered if you passed your test in the end? I'm 42 and trying to find the courage to learn! I've found the comments on here really helpful.

[HaveAGoodDay]

Well done Pinknails! Stick with it & you will pass & be driving one day, how good does that sound?

We were travelling to my parents the other day & for the first time I actually felt I wanted to be driving, like I was sat next to DH & thought I want to be the driver, never felt that before! So I'm on the right track now & in the right frame of mind!

[valiumredhead]

I learned in an automatic as our family car is an auto,Dh hates gears even though he's a very experienced driver and had his hgv license. I figured if it was good enough for him and millions of Americans then it was fine for me

[pinknails]

Another new learner here. I'm 45 and after years of wanting to but being scared had my first lesson last week :-)
Got another tomorrow and though still nervous feel very excited.
Definitely go for it. Good luck.
Just hope one day I pass.

[Forgetfulmog]

Good luck op, that's really amazing

[CheungFun]

Good for you! If you want to learn in an automatic instead of a manual I think it's fine, the main thing is being able to get from a to b! Good luck with it all and keep going!

[HaveAGoodDay]

Thanks for the encouragement! Im not planning on telling anyone (friends & family) that im thinking of/taking lessons as yet, just going to see how it goes first. Im more for learning in an automatic as I know it will be much easier, but DH really wants me to try a manual. I did have a go once a long time ago, there use to be an old run down, off the road place where you could practice in your own car - a friend took me. I enjoyed it & didn't feel nervous because it wasn't on the main road, I just couldn't co-ordinate the clutch/gear! It's a shame that place has shut down now.

When I mentioned to the kids that I may be learning to drive, they jumped in the air shouting 'yes'. It would mean so much to them. We stayed with my brother in law recently & usually he drives, but on this occassion, she did the driving & we were following her car & my kids were really in awe of her because she could drive - they are only ever use to seeing daddy drive or their uncle.

Well only one way to find out! I've filled my form in now!

[valiumredhead]

I had to do a real emergency stop on my test, some twat ran out on the road. The instructor said it was excellent

[Stropzilla]

I have had to do 2 real emergency stops. It really is second nature toy don't even think. I agree being a little nervous can make you hyper aware. Too nervous is not a good thing obviously as it can make you hesitate and that will fail you.

[northernlurker]

'My driving instructor said that the nervous learners make the best drivers ultimately because they are aware of everything that can go wrong. Less confident and more cautious and self aware. They have often had much more instruction too before feeling confident enough to take the test.' - that's what my instructor said too and it's right. I KNOW I am a safe driver. Not the flashiest but safe. Like others I was worried I would kill somebody but with practice driving does become instinctive - even for somebody like me who struggles with hand-eye co-ordination and whilst anybody can have an accident of course, I think I'm a safe competent driver.

[ZombiesAteMyBigToe]

Accidents were my biggest fear but my mother, father, PIL etc have been driving for fifty years and have never had an accident. Neither has my DH who has been driving for ten years.

My brother has, but he has a sports car and was racing his boss (in a Ferrari, don't get me started!) about five years ago and his boss went into the back of him. I don't know anyone who has had an accident, really, nothing more than a minor fender bender and it has never been their fault.

One thing I noticed is a lot of it becomes instinctive, I was driving and something didn't feel right in my peripheral vision and I automatically reacted. DH started praising me but I was baffled. Turned out a knob sitting in my blind spot had tried to pull in behind me but I was slowing for a turn off.

That sort of instinctive reaction has happened several times since.

My driving instructor said that the nervous learners make the best drivers ultimately because they are aware of everything that can go wrong. Less confident and more cautious and self aware. They have often had much more instruction too before feeling confident enough to take the test.

You'll be fine, it's frightening but exhilarating (I love the feel of accelerating quickly and zooming along at 70) and offers so much freedom.

[Forgetfulmog]

Oh good, glad to see its not just me terrified of learning to drive! I've got a dd now & it's starting to be a real pain not driving & having to rely on lifts (especially with car seats!). I'm so scared though, I have the attention span of a goldfish & am terrified I'd just cause an accident if I learnt .

[ZombiesAteMyBigToe]

We bought an automatic to make it easier!

I passed about two weeks ago at 31 with a wonderful female instructor who was really kind and patient.

My first instructor never made me feel comfortable in the car and I should have got rid of him long before I did. Don't be afraid to change if you need to.

I still have a little wibble every time I climb into the drivers seat, but DH is tough, had me driving around London and on motorways as soon as I passed, with him working in the back seat and ignoring my swearing and wobbles.

It has already changed my life, I can do the supermarket shop any time, visit all the places I love easily and without having to drag along DH and the DCs. When DH is away I am not trapped in the local area, if there is an accident with the DCs I can whisk them to hospital easily (Ds stuck a green bean up his nose one Christmas Eve and poor DH had to sit for four hours in casualty after work). I can visit my mum whenever I want on my own or with just one child, I can take DC to after school parties and activities, pick DH up from the station, run stuff to the dump/ charity shop without having to wait for DH. I have a new course that means I will have to visit all sorts of archives etc and I will be able to do this much more easily. I am not reliant on friends, family or public transport ( or my own aching feet).