'Mummy, mummy. Please play with me.' Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

[Currypowder]

Have just reached for the wine after a day of playing, Playing, PLAYING!!! Well, trying to avoid it if I'm honest.

Some days I can't get into the groove of one to one with my son. I have this glazed feeling and all I want to do is Google really unimportant stuff in a trance like state.

Then I feel guilty that he is an only. But tonight I suddenly thought. 'I wonder if mumsnet has an only child section'. And here you are.

Have already wept at some of the threads as it so describes how I feel about only having one child (basically did not want to put our little unit through extensive IVF to provide a sibling). Quite regular guilt trips about this especially as ALL my circle of friends now have more than one and when I see the siblings interacting it makes me want to cry.

Most of the time I am a really good Mum and sometimes I am average. Rarely I am a crap one.

Today I have been crap. TV has been on and when it hasn't I have been trying to engage him in stuff I need to do, which basically makes the jobs that much more arduous. Which makes me really crabby.

Anyway, my little darling is now in bed. Tomorrow is another day and now I have found 'One-child families'. Hey-ho!

[Acinonyx]

I haver an only (3.7) who will go to school this Sep. The not playing alone really drives me barmy. She just cannot be alone for a second - I have to be within a couple of feet. If I am doing the dishes etc she is so close on my heel I practically fall over her when I move. This morning I eventually persuaded her to go into the living room until I finished the dishes and she just lay on the sofa, mournfully sucking her thumb, waiting for me to come back.

I've started say that grown ups can't play all day because there are lots of jobs to do. Indeed, doing chores is the only alternative as I will be clambered on and tugged at incessantly if I try to sit still. And did I mention I hate chores?

If she would just play on her own for a bit - it would just so improve life. Acutally weekends are worst because we don't have our precious routine of playdates, pt work/CM and preschool. Dh is outside building a shed and dd is watching TV - I've escaped to mn.

I do feel so guilty when I don't want to play - surely I must seem unenthusiastic? But I am not 3! I don't want to be the witch/prince/godmother all day. And I HATE going to the blasted park. I just want to sit and read a grown-up book in peace for a while - is that too much to ask?

[teafortwo]

Oh - I have just thought of something to add...

dd and I nearly always have a project on the go which I also find helps me feel like a good Mum - It is usually something like a birthday card we are making or often something seasonal that needs making, organizing, buying or creating.

e.g On St Georges day we went to the florist to buy some red roses, we made Easter cards for each of dd's Grandparents, a Valentines heart for her single God-Mother, we worked really hard on an Autumn leaves and a conker collection and spent a long time choosing her cousin a funky outfit for her birthday.

Neither of our families live nearby so dd often sends them things she has made or drawn and photos galore (some afternoons we go out to do photo shoots in such things as the new wellies Grandpa sent or with the dolly we bought with the money Great Aunty sent). Now she is 3 she is starting to be a bit independent in her ideas in what to do and who it is for.

[teafortwo]

Ooooooh - I have just found this thread - There is lots of fab info on here - and I am so delighted to 'meet you' currypowder!!!!

Me and my dd tend to.....

Stay in bed as long as we can reading books, chatting and listening to music. We spend all of the morning slowly getting ready (every morning I take a long shower while dd watches a tv program or quietly plays - we call this our 'me time'). We spend a lot of time chatting and I play with her but she also often plays next to me while I mumsnet get a few household chores done.

Then dd and I usually go out for the whole of the afternoon. I work three of these afternoons - While I am working one afternoon a week dd goes to play at a friend of mine who has a big Arabic family so she can experience being one of many which I think has taught her so much, two afternoons a week she goes to creche which is a real delight for her. The two other afternoons in the week left over are me and dd time. Sometimes we just go to the local park, sometimes one further afield, sometimes to an art gallery, shopping, an exhibition, other times to meet with friends, take a walk in the woods, go swimming or to the library.... sometimes especially at this time of year we just head for the city centre, wonder around the place and see what happens.... walking past a busker can take half an hour, we stop to say hello to tourists, spend an hour in a bookshop and sit in cafes watching the World go by.

I find the going out bit is really important for my sanity. A few days this winter it got so so uncomfortably cold and dd was ill so we didn't go out for a few days running and I felt awful.

[squeaver]

Hurrah for your little popper, curryp.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Bingo! Pop pop!

[Currypowder]

Breakthrough!

Was in supermarket today when DS declared he wanted a melon. Yeah really, I thought. The last one turned into mush in the fridge. Nonetheless I trotted dutifully over to the melons. Lo and behold! They were wrapped in bubble-wrap. Bubble-wrap is a new entity for DS but he quickly picked up the concept.

The rest of the 'pop' day was spent 'pop','pop', 'popping'. In the car, in the swimming pool changing room (didn't do quite so well in the pool), on the way home and instead of Wonderpets (weird program if you ask me).

You can keep your Moonsand, it's bubble wrap all the way 'pop'.

Day has also been helped by a rather large wine delivery from Mr Tesco. Have literally broken my nails trying to get into the top box. I really must buy one of those tools that cut's parcel tape in under a second.

oday I have been a good Mum. Magicland (softplay) with mate and swimming (with bubble-wrap). As a previous mumsnetter noted. Swings and roundabouts.

'pop'.

[MrsMattie]

Also wanted to add, I have days exactly like you described in your OP. Hence why I am on MN so very frequently

Oh, and my 4 yr old DS is not an only, but there is a 3 yr gap between him and his baby sister, so no chance of them 'playing together' (more like he plays up when it's time to feed her or decides to pinch her when I'm not looking. Ho hum). I think it's a myth that all siblings do play together and give their parents long, lovely breaks, to be honest. Lots of them don't. Or even worse, they fight. Take heart in that ...

[daisy99divine]

sorry meant BFQi - small typing affliction

[daisy99divine]

Curry, I just wanted to add - I agree with all said - feeling like you are demanded to play endlessly is not an only thing - I have an only and he will sometimes play alone and sometimes demand attention "mummy mummy mummy come come come" etc etc

but I think it is age as much as only - when I am with my sister who has 3 she faces the same thing - they don't want to play together etc or all three want help

There are days when being a mum is just hard however many you have. Of course, because you have decided to stop at one when that is not entirely a choice means that your vulnerability is in the numbers game - if I had more I would not be like this sort of thing - but that is just maternal guilt and it'll get you one way or another

I identify with BDFi - my DH is a "better" player than me - I end up cooking and washing etc and then being envious of a 40 year old man! How sad is that

[Bumperlicioso]

Ok, have watched the apprentice and am now out of my sulk! What I was going to say yesterday is that I'm sure we all feel like you sometimes. DD is 2 and I find playing with her v boring sometimes. And if I have to read Each Peach Pear Plum one more time...

I think save TV till you really need it (the less it is on the more of a novelty it'll be) but then when you do put it on don't feel bad, most of us do it sometimes.

Can you break the day up a bit? Devote some time to your son but then make sure you set aside time to do things you need to get done.

I don't really have much useful to add but just wanted to let you know that we all feel like you do sometimes.

[UniS]

MMYV . I find my lad plays "better" by him self if I'm NOT in the room. Today I hid in teh kitchen and made bread while he created a quarry on a blanket in teh living room, complete with shingle rocks and lego diggers.

When we go to play at his mates house ( also n only) the two boys play quite well UNTILL there is grown up in the room, at which point they start squabbling and want the grown u to adjudicate.
boy is 3 his mate is 4.

I leave him to get on with it if its cars or trains, unless its lego, I like building lego stuff.

[paddingtonbear1]

Hi CurryPowder (like the name btw). My dd is an only, as am I. dd seems a lot like I was as a child - can amuse herself pretty well, which is good, although it hasn't helped her at school so far!
She does ask me to play her 'pretend' games though, where one or both of us is supposed to be a cat, kitten, dog... argh.. I don't recall doing this when I was 5 (although I'm sure I did), and I find it really hard now! Building lego is my forte however, and I can do trains Go for the moonsand, dd likes hers.
When my dad comes to stay he has endless patience, doing painting, making dens, baking... and there's me, putting in the washing! (dad hates moonsand though)!

[Cadelaide]

Currypowder, I feel a lot of guilt because I don't play with DD as much as she would like, and she's one of 3! She asks me to play with her every day, frequently.

She's not interested in the same things as her brothers but sometimes (actually often) i just don't want to play.

I spose I'm trying to say don't beat yourself up about the "only" thing, 'cos it may not be any different if your DS had siblings.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

There's no dress code for the tea room - come as you are!

Every once in a while we dress up in fascinators and Mary Jane shoes, as at the time the tea room was opened there had been a suggestion on another thread that they should be the unofficial uniform of mums-of-one (less time spent on child-wrangling = more time spent dressing up in impractical clothing).

[mistlethrush]

Curry - sometimes - fascinators - but you can pick your own style! ALthough I don't remember the last time that we all sported them

[Currypowder]

IDidn't.......

Cheers

[IDidntRaiseAThief]

curry i love your sense of humour, pmsl @ thank god for petplan

[Currypowder]

Oh no. I have forgotten mumsnet etiquette. So sorry Bumperlicioso. You are right I do not deserve sympathy.

Sandpit. There's a thought. He does dig digging!

Dogs? Unfortunately we have a cat that is trying to die at the moment. Thank God for Petplan. Naps for us died a death the minute we got rid of his dummy. That seems a long long time ago now.

Now I really am going to bed before I give away next weeks lottery numbers! Will drop into the tearoom. Is there a dress code?

[IDidntRaiseAThief]

Phil was a complete tool i agree.

i have an only ( am single mum now so no c hoice really!) and i sometimes just wanted to say 'feck off' when i was tired or not in the mood to get down and dirty with the ponies, cats, polly pockets, bloody tat crap she has/had.

Wine oclcok use to come early in this house I can tell you.

[Bumperlicioso]

Aaargghh! Was just about to come on and give you sympathy Currypowder then you gave away the ending of the Apprentice which I am saving till tomorrow so I am leaving in disgust

[mistlethrush]

I'm another member of the tearoom brigade! and I have a ds who was 4 2 weeks ago. Ds is at nursery at school - so there until 3.20 during school time.

What do we find good? We have a dog - so we always have to take her (and him) out everyday - normally in the morning - which gets rid of a lot of excess energy. Then weekends and holidays he quite often still has a nap (so we can collapse in a heap and recover for a bit ) - playing - he is now quite good in the garden for quite some time - he plays on his climbing frame and in the sandpit - and generally around the garden, and occasionally helping out a bit (he likes watering - a bit too much). He will play for the odd 10 - 15 mins with some indoor toys, but does still really need a reasonable amount of attention (sorry!).

[Currypowder]

Wise words squilly. Thankyou.

I have yet to find the ultimate play alone with toy. Going to try the Matchbox Mega Rig Space Shuttle (about £25 from Amazon) as a birthday prezzie along with the obligatory bike. (Mummy, mummy, push me!)

The Moonsand is actually for me so there will be definately no colour mixing.

Aaah! Aint life great.

PS. Actually managed a start on the Roman blind whilst watching Apprentice. Glad that Phil went, gobby piece of work.. I think Sir Alan actually likes Lorraine.

Night all.x

[squilly]

My dd is 8 now, has been at school for some time and has a good circle of friends. She has gone past this phase, thank goodness. It was so exhausting.

We were talking about it just the other night. Her favourite thing, when small, was to say 'hand, hand' and make us stand up and go to wherever she wanted to go to play, or look at things. She never stopped with it. During meals, whilst we were watching telly, the minute we sat down. Boy, was that a relief when that stopped!

This is a short lived phase and as their independence increases, so their need for you to play diminishes. It never disappears, but when you can wave them towards a laptop or a DS or the WII, life gets easier.

It's tough now, but know that it's short term. And I can relate to the guilt at lack of siblings, but sometimes we don't get much choice. We can bang our head against a brick wall, keep trying for the siblings, or accept that we have one gorgeous child and make the most of it! Enjoy your DS....

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Currypowder - Could you engineer things in such a way that your son gets lots of lovely do-alone things for his birthday and no more playmobil?

[squeaver]

Oh and Moonsand is the devil's work, imo.