Did anyone choose to have just one child due to their temprament ??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, I just wondered what peoples reasons are for choosing it have an only child?
Do more people think that the first child is so good and another one might not be so good (like me) or do more people who have quite demanding children think there's no way I could cope with another?

It's just that when people used to say to me, do you think you'll have another and I'd say probubly not, they'd often say oh she's put you off etc. I often replied that she is so lovely and has made our lives complete who could want more than that?. (If I knew them)

[mummyloveslucy]

I love that.

Our cup runneth over too.

[zazen]

Cheers!

we have one DD who didn't sleep during the night or as naps unless walked (over 1000 steps every night) and pushed in her buggy (40 minutes till drop off): just when you need to sleep as well..

We had three years Ttcing and then a traumatic crash cesarean birth, which left me in dreadful pain for years.

I was so exhausted for about two years I now realise I was also barking mad: I didn't really exist as a person, I was just a Mombie Survivor IYKWIM

Looking back I can't believe how little I remember about my life, besides feeding her changing her, walking her up and down, and then mashing up vegetables, freezing them in Ounce cubes and using the little spoon day after day.

DD was quite an anxious baby, she didn't like being out in loud places, didn't like the shapes of trees in the park (ie would wail), didn't like noises of a coffee shop (ie would wail) etc so I didn't put her down for a year, and I couldn't really bring her anywhere.
She would wail at any loud sound, and would wake if I breathed too loudly when putting her down. DD stopped napping at 18 months, finito, never had another one, so she was full on everyday without a break. We have no family round, and no neighbours.

For me DD was hard work - aren't they all - but friends who had easier babes(who napped for example) and then had babes who wailed and didn't sleep like DD said they would have stopped if their second had been their first.

We are very happy now that DD is 4. She's a very relaxed and has a very good ear for music.
But I couldn't face all the ttcing and all the pg (SPD) and birth and then the first two years again - especially as I feel I wouldn't be able to give Dd the attention and love she deserves.

So Cheers, as our cup runneth over as well

[mogwai]

We have a three year-old only child (a daughter). She has been very demanding, never sleeping during the day, very early talker and never actually stopped talking once she started.

We are both mentally and physically exhausted and have toyed for some time with having another child. This always seemed like a certainty but we had second thoughts when our daughter was born.

We talked to older people who had only children and to people who had been only children themselves. In the end we concluded that we didn't want her to be alone after we'd gone so we decided to try for another baby.

I'm now expecting my second child and after the initial despair and wondering whether we'd done the right thing we're absolutely thrilled. We see now what a great big sister she's going to make and really, I can't think of a greater gift for her than a sibling.

For a while I really thought we'd stop at one but I'm glad we've decided not to.

[blueshoes]

Dd was born with health problems, a difficult temperament, non-sleeper - walking on eggshells pretty much described my day with her.

It took me a long time before I could even entertain the thought of a second - 2 years. After one mc, I finally had ds making a 3 year age gap. After my hard time with dd, everyone said ds would be a doddle... he was not.

So here I am with 2 demanding dcs

I would not have it any other way though. They were demanding because of their social cuddly extroverted nature. Which made them perfect playmates for each other and actually took some of the pressure away from us as parents after ds was past 1 year old.

Dd found a baby to mother to bits and ds found an older sister to adore and copy (and bicker with, lol). To see them kiss each other goodbye in the morning before dd goes to school and ds to nursery is enough to melt my heart.

[snowcrystal]

Surely we don't have them so they can make us happy with their perfection anyway,they're children not the answer to life, the universe and everything~we just love them as they grow up.

[RamblingRosa]

Interesting question. My DD is pretty demanding and hard work and I suppose it has slightly influenced my decision not to have more.

[naughtystep]

I hope you don't mind me resurrecting this thread but it has been really interesting reading all the comments.

Goingslowlyroundthebend- I completely identify with what you are saying.

My DS is 4 and he was very difficult child. I only know one other friend with one and that wasn't through choice. I am in awe of anyone that has more than one-I just don't know how people do it.

My feeling come and go about having another as do DH. Our life is comfortable, easy and sorted now. Having another would completely throw everything off balance yet there is still a nagging at the back of my head that I may regret it-that's the ONLY thing that I worry about.

I go a little bit gooey at the thought of a newborn and buying all the little baby things but then reality kicks in and I start remembering everything else-broken nights, cracked nipples, mind numbing coffee mornings and a wailing toddler and I noooooo!

Does anyone else feel the same? I also feel less of a mother than everyone else as I only have one-I feel as if people look at me as if I have no idea what's it like to be stressed out and busy and they think that I'm selfish only having one.

Sorry if I have repeated things that have already been said.

I would be really interested to hear any comments on this.

[naughtystep]

Sorry - few spelling mistakes and missed words there!

Should have said "I THINK noooo!"

[DaisyM]

When I was pregnant I remember saying to DH "as soon as this one is born, we'll have to start making another one straightaway". I laugh about that now! I don't think it helped that I had a horrendous birth with dd and lots of health problems afterwards as a result. To be honest though, I think its because I find dd so challenging that I've decided recently, not to have any more. She is a lovely 3 year old girl but extremely demanding. Some days I could run for the hills rather than spend a whole day trying to entertain her and keep her happy. I have lots of friends who have toddlers and to be honest, they are all so much more happy and laidback than my dd and a lot easier to look after.

naughtystep- I'm a bit like you, in that when I see newborns I do, for a moment or two, think how nice it would be to have another baby. I feel a bit guilty about depriving dd of a brother or sister, especially when she tells me she wants one! However, I know that if I did have another baby and he/she had a similar personality to my dd, I literally wouldnt be able to cope. I worry about getting up in the night, no sleep etc but worry more about how I'd cope with another screaming, whining toddler! I do worry that this makes me very unmaternal and not normal. I've been on the conception boards to have a sneaky look and there are threads on there about women with 2 or 3 children trying to get pregnant again and I just can't understand why they'd put themselves through this, which makes me feel even more abnormal...

People are always asking me when I'm having another and when I say I'm not planning anymore I imagine they think I'm not having anymore because I obviously cant cope with the one child I have, and to be honest they'd be right..

[practicallystupid]

Ok, i don't even have 1 child, i'm expecting, about 7 weeks, i'm going down the abortion clinic monday morning!

Everything that you guys have mentioned is on my list of worries. I'm not maternal, i don't even like dogs because they are too demanding,
And the father has said our relationship can't survive a child and i've been arguing...just one, just one. I'd be like hitler-mummy; i'd be awful!

Pain after childbirth? I thought it was just, push it out and everything bounced back!

Good God, i think i should get steralised!

Thank you for making me see the light.

Career first - adoption later.

[slowlylosingit]

Practicallystupid- you're not really going to have an abortion are you, based on this thread? I really hope not. I think the point many of us have made on this thread is that even though are children can be very demanding we do love them! I wouldn't be without my dd for the world, just wont be having any more.

You don't know how things will turn out for you, you may be a natural and take to it like a duck to water.

[lilacclaire]

Im really not maternal and don't cope particularly well with ds who is quite boisterous, although I love him to bits and couldn't imagine not having him now!

I do feel guilty though as ds has stated he wants a wee brother or sister and it makes me sad that I can't give him that.