Moving town with only child

[PopRay80]

Hi. This is my first time posting but my overwhelming anxiety has led to me wanting some advice.
I have one daughter, who is 10. She is a lovely, kind, caring child who my husband and I adore.
She says she is happy as an only child and doesn’t want siblings!
I have 2 older brothers, who I used to fight a lot with and never included me in their games, so I don’t know what it’s like to be an only child.
I have horrendous mum guilt that she has no siblings (awful birth so did not want to risk another pregnancy/birth).
I have a lot going on right now (perimenopause causing awful anxiety and a stressful new job) and to top it all, we’re now moving house, out of the town my daughter has only ever known.
I feel incredibly sad and guilty for my daughter that we’re moving away from the only place she has known.
She’ll be going to secondary school in a new town, not knowing anyone.
Can someone please ease my anxiety and tell me they have done this with one child and it was all fine?!?
I know she’ll make new friends but, for now, I can’t look past the upset I’m causing her.
I’m worried she’s picking up on my anxiety with all this.
Any advice or reassurance massively appreciated!!

[haveyougotamin]

Bumping for you.

I don't think because she's an only child it would be vastly different to if she had siblings.

How does she feel about the move? How is she with meeting new people?

[PopRay80]

Morning. Thanks for your reply.
I think it’s just my anxiety that’s causing this feeling of guilt and unease.
she is a confident girl and makes friends easily so I know she’ll be ok.
I think my overwhelming anxiety is just making it worse in my head 😔

[haveyougotamin]

It's exciting that she'll be experiencing living somewhere new and have so many new people to meet ❤️ I understand why you feel like you do (I chose to have an only) but I hope to reassure you she will be fine.

As a child I moved either country or state/region at age 7, 10 and 16 and I don't remember my 3 siblings being instrumental in helping me settle. If anything we just fought! I forged my own way each time as preferred being with peers to my annoying siblings (oldest moved far away anyway when I was 16, and the younger two tended to play together more as they were v close in age).

I do get it, I have mum guilt often with having an only but the fact is they'll be brilliant and do well, we just have to be mindful of projecting our worries. I worry constantly about my daughter getting increasingly independent (she's only 5!) for example but have to force myself to let her grow.

Maybe note down the positives of the move, is she excited about it?

[PopRay80]

Thank you for your reply. She did say yesterday and she’s excited about having a new house so I guess she’s feeling happy about it.
I’ve been feeling a bit better about it lately and not so anxious about the move. I know she’ll be fine and I need to make it exciting for her.

[SecondHandDeclutter]

She'll be absolutely fine OP. It's a great idea to move ahead of starting secondary school. My parents moved when I was 14 and I hated having to start a new school in Year 9. But Year 7 is perfect as everyone is new at once.

I have an only DS and sent him to a secondary school none of his primary school friends went to. It was actually an advantage not knowing anyone as there was no "hanging on" to primary friendships - he started from scratch and made great friends. He's at uni now and loves seeing all his friends from school when he's back in the holidays. It was the best thing I did.

Best of luck with your move, and I hope your DD enjoys her new school. You sound like a fab mum.

[Turfwars]

It's the best time to make the move. DS is in a small rural school and I can see all his classmates kind of drifting from their solid friendships of their baby years to ones that suit them as the people they are now. There's a few that are choosing to go to a different secondary to create a natural break in an outlived childhood friendship.

We moved where I didn't know anyone (DH's home village) when he was due to start primary so I'd highly recommend if you can when you move, to join the schools parent's association for a few years.

It was invaluable to me to get to know the parents of his classmates, and parents to avoid, and in the process, I made a bloody lovely bunch of friends for me as well! It's good to get to know the teachers /faculty that your daughter will be interacting with, and you can hear a lot through the grapevine.

[NotestoSelf]

@Turfwars

It's the best time to make the move. DS is in a small rural school and I can see all his classmates kind of drifting from their solid friendships of their baby years to ones that suit them as the people they are now. There's a few that are choosing to go to a different secondary to create a natural break in an outlived childhood friendship.

We moved where I didn't know anyone (DH's home village) when he was due to start primary so I'd highly recommend if you can when you move, to join the schools parent's association for a few years.

It was invaluable to me to get to know the parents of his classmates, and parents to avoid, and in the process, I made a bloody lovely bunch of friends for me as well! It's good to get to know the teachers /faculty that your daughter will be interacting with, and you can hear a lot through the grapevine.

That's exactly what is going on with my DS's formerly tight friendship group now, in their final months of primary school. He will be going to a secondary school where he knows no one at all, and we also moved countries when he was seven. He's an only child also. I'm sure there will be bumps in the road as he makes the leap to secondary school, but I can't say I'm losing sleep over it. Children are adaptable. The best thing you can do it to get a grip on your own anxiety, for your own sake and your child's.

[Turfwars]

That's very true @NotestoSelf, very often we worry about kids adapting or being scarred forever when actually they take it in their stride, or it ends up being a massive positive for them. We get the grey hairs

[NewName24]

Lots of dc go to secondary schools either without knowing anyone, or only knowing a small number of people. Secondary schools tend to mix children up so there are likely to be lots of dc in her form that don't know other people. It is a great time to start a new school.
Continue to talk positively about how exciting the move will be and no let her see your anxieties.
Maybe research what other things she might join there too ?
Scouts / Guides / Dance / Sport / Music / Drama / Coding or chess club / swimming club or whatever she is in to.