Pressure!?

[icanlovemebetter]

Posted here as it made sense (to me).

All the kid's mums in my son's nursery are either having their second or just had their second or TTC their second.

I went through a very troubled recovery with episiotomy stitches went almost 1.5 years with pain as NHS gynaecologists were just not serious. And then later went on to have silver nitrate burn and multiple steroid injections. And there was accompanying PPD. Also, I had my son during the height of pandemic lockdown so I didn't have any help at all (cooking, cleaning, washing,etc) apart from DH. The thing is I cannot do this to myself again although I would very much like another.

And then everyone keeps asking about the second but I don't want to explain this to everyone. I have made my mind up (although DH) does slip in here and there about another in 1-2 years time.

I'm not sure what I'm asking other than what someone would do.

[Flubadubba]

Been there with this one. I have a 4.5 year old and for similar reasons I don't want a second. Most of the parents were of the.opinion that it was none of their business at our nursery, but a few mentioned it. There was always an understanding that some people may not be able to have another and to tread carefully.

My response was always 'We're not planning another. She is enough for anyone!". Normally it elicited a smile and the conversation moved on. With people we knew better, the response was normally "You have met my kid, right?", "I really don't like babies much...(whatever age she is now) is the best!" or "giving birth again isn't for me!".
(I am not being mean about my kid- she is hilarious, but super smart and energetic...anyone who knows her knows this).

It's only a big deal if you make it one- families come in all shapes and sizes and most people get that. If they don't, that is their issue and not yours. The birth rate is c1.6 kids per family ATM, so likelihood is that you will meet a fair number of families with onlies along the way.

[icanlovemebetter]

Yes I think you're right @Flubadubba I'm making a big deal of it in my head.

[Flubadubba]

@icanlovemebetter I totally get why :) It's normal, though. With the COL as it is, it's likely a lot.of people.are in the same position for different reasons (can't afford to have another) and a lot of others in exactly your position.

No matter what the reason, it's a big thing, particularly if you have previously had it in your head that you will have more. Even if you are comfortable.in your decisions, it ignites something when other people.around you are all doing things (even if you have no desire to follow).

I always find that it helps to out things in perspective: when your kid is 6 or so, will anyone in the playground give a damn, or will you be able to tell which kids have a sibling? Highly unlikely (the first bit also.works for weaning, breastfeeding and all.manner of other decisions which seem crippling at the time, but work out in the end).