The age difference between the first and the second is significant.

[pregnantmum]

With my husband, I have always thought that one child was enough. However, after getting remarried last October, I have developed a strong desire to have a second child. My first child is already 18 years old, and I am very confused because I fear disrupting his life.

[DontPutTheKidsThroughIt]

From your username is sound like you’re already pregnant? If so, congratulations!
It won’t disrupt your eldest’s life all that much probably. They might not be thrilled about it, but most likely they will just feel somewhat indifferent. They won’t have a similar relationship to close-in-age siblings, but hopefully something more like a fun Aunt or Uncle. They might not be a huge connection during the baby and toddler years, especially if/when your eldest moves out, but it might be that their relationship comes into its own later - with your 30yr old eldest taking 11year old youngest on outings, maybe even on holiday, and being a safe adult the youngest can turn to for advice.

[pregnantmum]

@DontPutTheKidsThroughIt

From your username is sound like you’re already pregnant? If so, congratulations!
It won’t disrupt your eldest’s life all that much probably. They might not be thrilled about it, but most likely they will just feel somewhat indifferent. They won’t have a similar relationship to close-in-age siblings, but hopefully something more like a fun Aunt or Uncle. They might not be a huge connection during the baby and toddler years, especially if/when your eldest moves out, but it might be that their relationship comes into its own later - with your 30yr old eldest taking 11year old youngest on outings, maybe even on holiday, and being a safe adult the youngest can turn to for advice.

Thank you, but I'm not pregnant. My son has never wanted a little brother or sister from his biological father, and he won't be happy.

[Drummend01]

I think you need to have a chat with your son about why he doesn’t want a sibling so you can reassure him. Although 18 is technically an adult it’s a tough time in life as he tries to find himself, start work, college, uni etc so he will need your support.

It also depends on your situation, is there enough bedrooms or will your son be required to move rooms for the new baby? Will his room be next door to a crying baby and disrupt his sleep? Do you have enough time to dedicate to both children? These are all questions to ask yourself.

[pregnantmum]

My son is definitely convinced that Mom is asexual. Financially, we can afford another child even though the rooms are close. I work, and it's natural that time is tight for everyone.

[Soontobe60]

How old are you?
Your Ds is 18, he will be moving out soon! He’ll probably be more aghast at the thought of you having sex tbh 😂

[35965a]

Your son is an adult, if you want another child you’d be really silly to not try just because you’re worried about upsetting him. If he doesn’t like it well tough. We all have to learn that our parents are their own people at some point.

[SirVixofVixHall]

I know a few people with this sort of gap, it has always worked out apart from in one case, with a 25 year gap- my friend’s older brother had his first child around the time she was born, and deeply resented that their parents were (in his eyes, he is an arse) less available to help with his children . He blamed my friend and even as a sixty something he wouldn’t accept her efforts to be friendly. I think that is uncommon though ! Your son would probably be shocked at first but get his head round it. My older dd has a friend (19) with one toddler sibling and he adores his little brother.

[pregnantmum]

@SirVixofVixHall

I know a few people with this sort of gap, it has always worked out apart from in one case, with a 25 year gap- my friend’s older brother had his first child around the time she was born, and deeply resented that their parents were (in his eyes, he is an arse) less available to help with his children . He blamed my friend and even as a sixty something he wouldn’t accept her efforts to be friendly. I think that is uncommon though ! Your son would probably be shocked at first but get his head round it. My older dd has a friend (19) with one toddler sibling and he adores his little brother.

Do you think I should prepare him beforehand, or announce it after the fact?

[pregnantmum]

@Soontobe60

How old are you?
Your Ds is 18, he will be moving out soon! He’ll probably be more aghast at the thought of you having sex tbh 😂

😂😂😂I am terrified, I have spent a lifetime hiding and then..

[Floopani]

I am in awe of your choice to potentially go through 36 concurrent years of child rearing!

This would essentially be having two only children, even though they are siblings. I don't think you need to get the ok from your DS, just be mindful of his feelings about it. I have an 18yo from a previous relationship but although I know that DP and I would be excellent parents together, I just can't do it again. He also has an 18yo, so it really would be starting from scratch.

[ladygindiva]

@pregnantmum

With my husband, I have always thought that one child was enough. However, after getting remarried last October, I have developed a strong desire to have a second child. My first child is already 18 years old, and I am very confused because I fear disrupting his life.

Hi op, my dc1 was 18 when her siblings (twins) were born. She was horrified when I was expecting but came round and has the most beautiful relationship with them now, they are 7. She was fine about it by the time they were born tbh x

[pregnantmum]

@Floopani

My husband doesn't have children, and when he intimately expresses a desire for a child together, he conveys a sweetness, emotion, and longing that I want to fulfill to make him happy.

[Bdaybdilemma]

Surely this is AI?

[pregnantmum]

@ladygindiva

Hi op, my dc1 was 18 when her siblings (twins) were born. She was horrified when I was expecting but came round and has the most beautiful relationship with them now, they are 7. She was fine about it by the time they were born tbh x

I love your testimony; it fills my heart. Thank you.

[pregnantmum]

@Bdaybdilemma

In what way?

[DontPutTheKidsThroughIt]

Definitely after the fact!
It might not happen straight away. You may find, particularly as a older mother, that you have chemical pregnancies or miscarriages along the way to conceiving. Your 18year doesn’t need to know anything until you’re pregnant and ready to tell people.

[pregnantmum]

@DontPutTheKidsThroughIt

It will be a shock for him. When his best friend's mother got pregnant, he said he would leave home and never look at his mother in the face again.

[DontPutTheKidsThroughIt]

Yes but you must be at least mid thirties now? Possibly early 40s? There’s no point blowing up your relationship with your son for a baby that may not be possible. You might get pregnant the first month. Or you might never fall pregnant at all.
Most late teenagers would like to leave home. It’s not that easy economically at the moment but once he’s finished A levels he can go if he wants to. He probably will if you have another baby, but leaving home at 18 or 19 is a good thing for most people.

[SirVixofVixHall]

I would probably wait until I was pregnant, as you don’t know how long it might take. Although I suppose you could pave the way by hinting that you would love another baby. Your Ds would probably be 19 or even 20 by the time any baby might be born, and he will be an adult then moving on in his life.

[NC2315]

My dd1 is 15 and her sister is 2 months, she was irritated and felt a bit put out while I was pregnant as she didn't know what day to day effect it would have on her life. Now dd2 is here she loves her. My DH didn't have kids and it was something he'd always wanted, I'd always said I wouldn't even consider having another child but with the right partner everything changed. As others of said I think the worst part for her was the confirmation that I'd had sex 🤣 if it's something you want and are prepared for go for it.

[Thatswhy11]

Does your Son get along with your DH? At 18 you will have 2 only children. How old are you and your DH? You aren't doing anything wrong and you don't need permission but I couldn't start again.... I mean personally I don't see much point!

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

@pregnantmum

@Floopani

My husband doesn't have children, and when he intimately expresses a desire for a child together, he conveys a sweetness, emotion, and longing that I want to fulfill to make him happy.

That's not a good reason to have a child.
if your DH dropped dead/left you tomorrow would you still want another child ? You've got to want a baby enough on your own, it's not enough to do it for someone else who, let's face it, can easily walk away as so many men do.

if YOU, fir yourself, really want another baby just for you then go for it, but don't do it because someone else wants you to

[Passingthethyme]

I think if your son is generally confident and secure then it won't even be a thing, he'll surely be doing his own thing soon anyway. I'd actually just talk to him about it. There may be some slight feelings of being replaced, although there also might not be as it is such a big gap.

[user1492757084]

Wait until you are pregnant. Your son is mature and will like his sibling. They could be besties when they are 45 and 26.

There will be no sibling rivalry but he will feel like an Uncle and feel responsible for the child's safety at times which is not a bad thing.