I have a little girl who is 8.5 months. She was a big surprise for my DP and I and we were very nervous about her, but as predicted, we both adore her to pieces, and even when it's been tough we've really enjoyed parenting her.
I feel very lucky that I have a healthy, happy little girl. We are both middle earners (teacher, engineer) and can just about afford to get her all she needs, pay a mortgage and afford childcare for the days I work. I found pregnancy and the early days very very hard, and although I didn't have PND I was very bluesy at times, and needed a lot of support for the first few months.
I am very happy with one, and I don't plan on having another child. If I did we would be financially very tight, even more tired (!) and frankly, we just feel lucky and happy and I don't want to upset that family dynamic. My DP currently feels the same. Unfortunately, many people in our lives (largely his mother) insist that 'one is cruel, she'll never learn to share, she'll be bored, what will she do on holidays' etc. ad infinitum. This has been repeated to me by colleagues, my own sister, and some friends. Currently I just smile and nod and then tell them we'll do what's best for us, but I am getting a little tired of it. I'm pretty good at holding my own usually, but I'm starting to think I'm in a serious minority and I'm getting something wrong.
Am I missing something here? Is it really so cruel to have one child? My DD doesn't have cousins in the UK, as my siblings live abroad and DPs are childless, but she does go to a childminder 3 days per week where she plays with other children, and I have made a number of friends at baby groups who we see regularly when I am not working. Is the first one being lonely really a reason to have another child, even if you don't want one for any other reason? I'd be really interested to hear what others think here, as perhaps I am being selfish on my DD as she gets older.
Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.
One-child families
I only want one...everyone else has a different idea.
brightonbythesea · 26/07/2013 13:44
Take heart OP, eventually they stop asking. It took until DD was about 5 or 6, but they do stop (probably because the same people with 'lonely only' prejudice also believe that a 6 year gap is too much 
)
You could always whisper to MIL "You don't understand how upset you are making DP you know....we can't have any more" and leave it like that. Let her imagination run riot.
Or, just tell the truth. "We don't want any more. Our family is perfect for us and is complete. Please stop commenting or you will damage our relationship"
I love having an only. I can give her my full attention whenever she needs it, I have more money, I have more space, holidays are cheaper, childcare is cheaper, clubs are cheaper ad infinitum. I wouldn't have another now if you paid me.
I was sad when I was young and jealous of friends with siblings even if they would fight all the time as an adult I still feel a little sad that I don't have that but will I live? Of course! I worry about if anything happens to my mum that I won't have any family other than my DS as we are so close but anyone can be close to a parent with or without sibling! It's your choice no one else's business and you should tell them that!
...oh and when I was younger I used to DREAM about being an only child! 
I have a step son who was an only child úntil my DDs came along when he was 16. He is a Well rounded adult who did Well in school and Unà and is now doing Well in work, he shares, has a sense of fairness, isn't selfish, makes friends etc just as people expect from someone who grew up with siblings.
I otoh, come from a large family and struggled through Life úntil a few years ago. That was because of my parents and their relationship moré than lack of money, but my point is having siblings does not gaurantee a better childhood and up bringing than being an only child.
It should be you and DP who make decisiones about the size of your family. I can see why his DM might feel a need to poke her nose in express an opinión, but not colleagues and siblings, they can just feck off.
I really dont understand the "learning to share" business. With a sibling, you do the OPPOSITE of sharing. You grab, pull, covet...
I remember reading an article about one child families long ago, where the author basically said, "there's too much emphasis on making children share, when actually as adults, none of us have any reason to share our things. We really dont do it that often, do we?"
Made sense at the time. I have an only, as you may have guessed. Not by choice, but as time goes by, I am very, very happy with our family dynamic.
And many horror stories around me dissuaded me from trying for another child- finances, permanent disability after the second birth, children not getting on at all.... All true. Anecdotes only, I realise, but too many for me to be just random happenings.
Enjoy spending your time, love and money on your child.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.