Teacher accusing me?

[Balmerz]

Hello

i I went to pick up DD yesterday from nursery and the teacher asked to speak to me. DD is possibly on spectrum and the teacher asked: is there any reason why DD is dressed in this uniform that has stains and “is it a texture thing”.

I assured her that her uniform gets washed and asked her to point out what she means. She showed me paint stains and mentioned DD didn’t do any painting that day.

I assured again that uniform gets washed regularly and had to ask her several times what she was actually trying to ask me. She kept saying oh I’m not saying she’s scruffy it was just a general question.

I made it quite clear that I still wasn’t sure what she’s getting at. She said don’t worry I’m not saying she’s unclean, we just wondered why she’s wearing that. I said DD has several jumpers that I interchange and I didn’t notice these stains but I’ll keep an eye on it. I also said the uniform gets washed every week on a hot wash.

She again said oh it’s nothing it’s just a general question.

It’s ticked me off because I feel like she’s accusing me of DDs lack of hygiene/welfare when we’ve done everything that DD/School requires.
DD has always been given a full nutritious packed lunch and snack. Always dropped and picked up on time. Always clothed in full uniform. Given spare clothes and wipes for nursery.

So why was I questioned ? I’ve had a few run-ins with the teacher in the past for other issues and wonder whether she’s just being bitchy/picky or if there is a genuine concern.

Should I be concerned or just leave it?
Should I speak to the head of nursery?
WWYD?

Thanks

Every week? My kids are so messy, I can’t imagine not washing uniform daily!

While I do think she was perhaps overstepping, I wonder whether she has wider concerns about your child?

Little ones do get messy and dirty but she'll be comparing your DDs uniform to the other kids in the class. If she has no wider concerns, I doubt she'd bring it up tbh, so I reckon she may have some other worries too. Not sure what these would be tho...what have your past runs in with her been about?

Stains are really normal and definitely part of the nursery life.
But I would expect small dc to be in freshly washed clothes each day.

Is she in clean but some times stained clothes every daily or are you sending her clothes she has previously worn but not been washed?

Do you dress your DD in clean clothes every day?

Is your DC in a private nursery? In my kids private nursery, I always send my kid in his more ‘worn out’ clothes, as if I put him in his best stuff, it gets absolutely ruined. The nursery encourage this too as there’s a lot of messy play etc and clothes/trainers get ruined. To me, it sounds like she was being more inquisitive than judgemental. As she said ‘is this a textured thing’, perhaps she was curious, but obviously if there’s a history of snide comments, it’s understandably going to come across as bitchy. I wouldn’t take any action per se, apart from maybe raise it with management to see if there’s any further concerns for DC. Otherwise, I’d let it go over my head, safe in the knowledge that DC is clean and taken care of by you.

To add, I don't actually think a teacher would raise concerns about a child who is not in "freshly washed clothes each day". My kids have NEVER had clean uniform on every day, at any point of their school career (they're 17 and 11 now)

Of course if their uniform was muddy I'd have washed it, but now and again if id not had time or run out of clean stuff, I'd have sent them in with yoghurt stains/paint stains or whatever.

Not once has a teacher said anything to me about it. Which is why I think there must be wider concerns.

She was wrong to say that but as a retired Early Years teacher (in school) I recommend washing paint splashed clothes in cooler water as a hot wash sets the stains. Pre treating with any kind of soap also helps.

My son's clothes got badly stained at preschool - we just let the head know. I hated sending him in in stained clothes but wasn't going to buy more (white tops as uniform!!!) when the school couldn't be bothered to provide appropriate overalls etc for different activities.
We also had to raise with the school the state he was coming home in - clothes covered in food and dirty hands......
Not sure what the nurserys problem is...... slightly stained clothes only a concern if combined with other signs of neglect.....

Unless it was a genuine concern about sensory issues, she was being weird. When I taught nursery, we encouraged old, tatty clothes because the children got messy daily. Small paint stains on an otherwise clean jumper are nothing to worry about.

If it’s mentioned again, perhaps request that your child is encouraged to wear an apron.

Hang on. You've had multiple chats about your daughter's hygiene and send her in in stained clothes? I can see why she'd have concerns to be honest

My kids have NEVER had clean uniform on every day, at any point of their school career (
By clean I mean washed, I'd expect stains etc particularly with small dc. But if OP was putting her dc in the same clothes all week without washing anything then it would get noticed. Clothes go grey if they aren't washed.

Mine only ever had freshly washed uniform on on a Monday and Wednesday. They'd have had to be absolutley COVERED in crap for me to have changed my laundry cycle to accommodate more washing.

"Is there any reason your child is dressed in stained uniform"

"Yes, because you use paints that stain in art and washing them hasn't got them out"

<stand and wait for their response>

🤣

Sorry you were made to feel awkward op. That does seem really pointed and you did well to make them accountable for their questions and what they actually meant.

My dc have never had a fully clean school uniform each day as I dont own 5 sets. When they were in nursery there was no uniform so they would've had a change of clean clothes, as in washed clean, but they were old clothes with probable stains (that didn't come out in the wash). I'd ignore op unless your child is actually dirty and smely.

Send an email to the nursery saying that due to conversion with …. On whenever it was that you would like to state that you have bought sets of uniform for your child that she only wears to nursery and that have got covers in paint due to them not applying aprons or covering them she doesn’t wear the clothes anywhere else and if they want them spotless you would appreciate they use appropriate coverage when using things that stain you can’t control what gets stained when your not there your paying them to do this. It is expected they get dirty and they can’t expect you to replace stuff all the time especially if they are not using appropriate coverings.

Bump?

Lots of people dont have access to a washing machine (and a way to dry) daily or cant afford to wash daily.

You are fortunate that you can, but maybe consider those who cant.

Having paint stains on clothes is fine and not a safeguarding issue (former nursery teacher and primary head). Some fabrics are much more likely to stain though- so maybe think about a couple of pairs of supermarket joggers/tops when you next need to buy. Some of the school uniforms are similarly shocking for staining. School uniform in nursery is a bit OTT (the school not you)

Were they offering to wash them for you? We used to get a wash on most days for parents who were finding it hard to wash clothes. The nursery may also have a clothes bank.

She asked you why the child was in clothes that weren't clean.

One of the safeguarding red flags, unfortunately, is children sent in to school who don't look as though they are being properly cared for. Dirty clothes, clothes that are too small, dirty children etc.

You gave a satisfactory answer- you don't wash them every time they get dirty. You hadn't noticed the paint.

For every child in clothes that aren't clean under the circumstances you describe, there'll be another one who has a mother who's on drugs or pissed and never washes them because she doesn't give a shit. That's why safeguarding red flags exist.

It’s a perplexing one, I sent my daughters to primary continuously with dresses/ shirts that had whiteboard marker and other stains in them ,at younger primary they get so messy and I don’t think buying new uniform is worth it. Paint stains is not the same as dirty,smelly clothes and I certainly never sent my kids in fresh washed clothes everyday, nor did I ever iron their uniform . Are you also ND as sometimes it may be worth just clarifying with the nursery exactly what the issue was, sometimes if people are trying to say something politely they are not communicating clearly.

I would definitely speak to the head/supervisor of the nursery. This doesn't sound right to me.

Sounds to me like she was asking if you’d noticed your dd having preferences for clothes that might be based on how comfortable they are.

Yes, that as well. That the child was in clothes that weren't clean maybe because she herself had chosen to wear them and not clean ones.

I had a similar talking to when my kid (now 8) was in reception. This year we bought her 6 school jumpers since September and we have … 1 left and 2 cardigans that have survived only because they are too thin to be worn during winter. She is just so careless.

Pen, paint, her hair coming out of her plaits, the lot! If I could have wrapped that child in plastic I would have. I learned the hard way to get her dressed after I’d fed her and brushed her teeth yet SOMEHOW her clean jumpers still had toothpaste right up to her elbows?? HOW? Or she would roll on the floor with her sister and have curly baby hairs start to come out of the hair tie just before we left the door. My clumsy dove would also fall often and get dirt on her trousers on the way to school. I took baby wipes on the school run daily!

Over time, as they realised the state they would regularly hand my child back to me at 3:00PM, they relaxed. I think me staying calm and saying “well looks like you’ve had a lovely day!” made them think I didn’t care or something. A couple of slightly raised eyebrows did the trick! Older now, still careless but not half as scruffy! OP you’re doing great and your kid is fine. ❤️

When my kids started nursery years ago the first thing I was told was not to put new/best clothes on them . They would be ruined.
I used to try and get more than one days wear out of them, it's a simple economic reason. Cuts down on washing and helps the environment. It's nursery not a visit to Buckingham Palace!!