Nursery for just turned 3 , concerns

[Tinkerbellxox]

Hiya, I’m a first time mum with no experience of kids at all apart from my own 2 1/2 year old. So forgive me for my naivety .My partner works and I am a stay at home mum. me and my little boy spend virtually all our time together as we don’t have a lot of support for childcare. I suddenly panicked and realised he is eligible for his nursery place this year and if he doesn’t go this September he will have to go to school when eligible next year (sept 2025) without any experience of that type of environment.

I'm just worried as he still seems so much like a baby to me. He’s currently being potty trained but I’m worried about pushing him to grow up too fast before he starts (if he starts) in September . He will only be just turned 3 . They said they prefer them to be able to dress themselves (coat on, pull trousers up etc) and be potty trained. Will he be able to do all this before September …? I still hear my friends son asking for his bum to be wiped at 4 1/2 ? should mine be expected to do this at just turned 3 because he’s born in August?

He’s very much attached to me but loves other children and enjoyed the tour we had today a lot. But obviously knew I was there the whole time.

Am I worrying about nothing? Ideally I’d like to keep him at home with me for another year but that gives him no time in this environment before starting reception. And I don’t want to hold him back.

sorry, if this is a bit all over the place , I’m just so stressed about it all.

I am probably not the kind of person you are seeking an answer from I am probably not the kind of person you are seeking an answer form because both my children went to nursery full time from six months old. They are delightful well-adjusted children. The youngest who is just turned four was definitely able to do all of the things that you mention when she was just turned three. They will definitely help with bum wiping. many in her preschool room still are in nappies in fact.

A three year old is not a baby. Sure they are always our babies, even when they are in their 40s and 50s in a manner of speaking, but pragmatically a three year old is not a baby and will thrive at nursery and will benefit from time away from you in the company of others his own age.

What kind of setting are you looking at? Is there only one that suits you? Not all settings will be right for every child.

He has months to learn the things they want from him, and they'll support him if he can't manage by the time he gets there.

It'll really help him to get used to being away from you before he starts school. How many sessions are you thinking of per week?

He will get so much out of going to nursery. I assume it will only be for 15 hours - five half day sessions or two and a half full day sessions, so he will get the best of both worlds, lots of one on one time at home with you and lots of new play experiences and friends at nursery.
I would give it a go for at least a term - if you are still convinced it's not the right thing you can take him out, but I think you'll find it's a really good, positive thing for him.

If it's a school nursery setting you are looking at then they do like them to be able to use the toilet independently. But they understand that accidents happen and will be prepared. My daughter's nursery class asked everyone to have a spare set of clothes in case of accidents and a whole drawer full of spare pants.
School nursery is usually a 3 hour session so often they don't even need to go to the toilet in those 3 hours except for a wee.
So basically - don't worry about that too much.
They obviously prefer the children to be able to do things like put on their own coats but they will help when needed.
Sometimes they might play a game involving dress up clothes ("first one to find and put on a hat") as a way of practicing getting dressed.
If you want him to go in September you better contact nurseries ASAP.

He has to have time away from you eventually...

Like PPs my eldest went from 10 weeks FT (DV relationship and I couldn't afford not to) and youngest (diff dad) went from 1 because we're close to the eldest being uni ready. Kids cope. My youngest hated it for a week and then adjusted. She loves it now

You maybe too late to apply for school nursery at this point in the year. You will need to ring the schools and ask.

You could consider deferring reception entry to September 2026, and start nursery September 2025.

There’s a Montessori coat method they teach at DS’s nursery but none of them start knowing it. Most 3YOs need help wiping after poo, the staff will expect this, and many will have accidents- you’ll be told to pack spare clothes because they’re expecting it! Pulling up trousers is a simple one, he probably just hasn’t been required to do it much if you’re early on with potty training but I’m sure he’ll be doing it in no time. He won’t be the only summer born and I think it’ll be really good prep for school and for socialisation. I would definitely give it a go.

Nursery submissions for my sons nursery school close some time in March. The school should have their admission dates up on their website/application form for the September 2024 intake. Give the potty training a good go, but as another said, the odd accident is to be expected. He’ll love it 😍

Nursery admission may also depend on where you live. The school nurseries local to me admit children termly. Check yours.

As for your son, every child is different. You are aware of the skills he needs to learn to help him be more independent, work towards them.

Remember a good nursery will be looking at what your son can do and what he needs next. They need to start there in supporting him.

Don't worry about rushing or feeling he should be in a nursery. He has a different experience to those who have been but not necessarily better or worse.

They grow up a lot at around 3yr and you’ll be surprised how much he changes in those six short months. They would be expected to dress themselves and manage toileting etc when they start reception but not at nursery. Preschool is where they develop those skills ready for school.

Most children enjoy nursery, especially from 3.5yr when they start becoming sociable with their peers. The 15hrs a week universal provision is perfect for the children to socialise and learn enough to be ready for reception. Staff know there is a difference between September and August born children.

I wouldn’t expect a 3 year old to necessarily be able to put on their coat or be potty trained. Mine was taught how to put on a coat at nursery and only just learnt how to put on his velcro strap shoes at 3.5. I’ve worked on him dressing himself and he can now do pants and trousers but usually refuses 🙄…