GOK WAN: Live Webchat - Friday 11 October, 1.45-2.45pm

[RachelMumsnet]

We'll still be sweeping up the biscuit crumbs left from the Jennifer Saunders webchat as we prepare for the return of Gok Wan to Mumsnet Towers on Friday 11 October at 1.45pm. Since his last visit in Summer 2010, Gok has produced 2 cookery books and his latest, Gok's Wok is published this week.

Gok shares many of his family's traditional recipes but gives them a modern twist as he teaches us how to cook, simple, fast meals with flavour and a splash of Gok originality. Chapters cover all occasions from lunches to dinner parties and include curries, stir-fries, noodles, salads, soups and desserts.

Join Gok on Friday at 1.45pm or post a question to him in advance to this thead and you'll be entered into a draw to win a SIGNED copy of Gok's Wok.

We have also teamed up with Gok and Sainsbury's to host a live cookalong on Google+. On Wednesday 16 October at 7pm Gok will be making two super-delicious dishes from his new book and he'd love you to join him in cooking them. Find out more here.

[mignonette]

Yes come over to MNVogue 23 Thread. We'll never make you feel bad and will enjoy talking clothes, fashion and self esteem with you Jemima. we don't tolerate sniping either over fashion choices. It is a safe space. And no shoving bangers into restrictive chest binders either unless you want to

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I can completely see that.

I was really surprised you didn't get a reply as you'd think that question would be right up his street, and it was entirely polite.

Hope you are ok. Get over to S&B - they're geniuses over there, they will tell you better than he could anyway!

[JemimaMuddledUp]

You aren't the only one LRD

I accept that guests won't be able to answer every question. But you do kind of expect that if you post the first question on the thread (and it is a sensible question) you might at least be acknowledged.

I appreciate that it is a bit silly to get this hung up about words on a screen, but when you struggle a bit with self confidence and your question about how to make yourself look better is ignored (apart from a telling off) it does make you feel pretty shit. Maybe I'm just a lost cause...

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

While I am sorry that gok felt bad about what happened, I feel fairly shit now too, as I imagine others do who'd posted questions they genuinely wanted answers to and have been rapped over the knuckles for what seems to me very little reason.

I thought I was asking a sensible question.

I apologised when I realized we were not meant to comment multiple times.

I admit I am comparing this to what happened to a MNer who is supported by MNHQ, was asked to post a thread by MNHQ, and got the most belated and limp-wristed of 'yeah, play nice' responses when people jumped on the thread to tell her she was exploitative.

I really don't understand.

[MarmaladeBatkins]

I think that Gok Wan should hire Mardy as his publicist.

[MardyBra]

"This is what all it would have taken"

iykwim

[MardyBra]

This is what all it would have taken:

"Hello MNers. Whilst I'm here mainly to talk about my new cooking venture, I do recognise that some of you have posed a few pertinent questions about my previous fashion programmes.

Our aim in these programmes has always been to promote the self-esteem of the participants and we go to great lengths to show that their bodies are "normal" and try to help them to accept that. We also use fashion accessories such as high heels and shapewear to try and enhance the participants' best features. Whilst I recognise that not all women enjoy "girly" fashion, for many it is an enjoyable pastime and can help them to feel good. Certainly the feedback from the participants has been that it has helped them with their self-esteem issues.

Anyway, moving onto the cooking questions..."

[MarmaladeBatkins]

But is it bullying if it is fact?

[Hullygully]

I like JO. But I won't call you a bully for saying he eats lard and is fat.

[mignonette]

Looks more like JO gets through ten tons of lard (or Crisco).

[MarmaladeBatkins]

I would just want to know how much olive oil he gets through in a month.

We're talking a gallon. At least.

[mignonette]

I wouldn't ask JO questions about nutrition because he clearly talks a load of bullshit. I would however tackle him about the nasty bullshit that he talks though.

[Venushasrisen]

Surely there's software to stop multiple posts.

Come on mumsnet, this was pathetic.

[MarmaladeBatkins]

I just don't know.

I've seen your average MNer reply to tough posts with such feeling and empathy that people who've been brusque or tough have immediately backed down and changed their opinion. I saw it just yesterday on quite an emotive thread (about the 'r' word) It's one of the things I love about MN; a bit of humility and you can win people round and things end up rather differently to how they began...

I think a lot of questions were direct, yes, but not rude. It is not our job to second-guess how a poster will construe questions or how we will construe their answers. If you can ask a question, read it back to yourself and think "Yep, that makes sense and isn't rude. Happy with that" before hitting post, you've done your job as a participant in a webchat, as far as I can tell.

[RippingYarns]

I'm here to apologise to Gok.

I didn't realise you'd see my banter as bullying.

I apologise for any distress I caused.

[ZingDollyChops]

Justine

ok, not upset then - I keep forgetting about guidelines!

thanks for answering!

I think we should have a Webchat with all of MNHQ and the winner poster gets to delete stuff for a day.

[ButThereAgain]

yy agree with all that ItsAlloingTooBeFine. It isn't hard to be polite/respectful to someone when you are asking them difficult questions. And also, the respectfulness goes further than how you word the question; it applies to how you hear their answers to it. If people don't trust you to hear their words as they are meant, if they suspect you will put whatever spin on them that you want to in order to generate anger or make hostile humour, they won't want to engage. People are far more effectively held to account if you talk to them decently. And they aren't made gratuitously unhappy -- I don't know much about Gok, but despite whatever faults he has I wouldn't feel it was my right to make him feel sick with embarrassment and humiliation by a load of strangers. If I felt that someone was bad enough to deserve that I would stay off the webchat and stay off the website that arranged it.

[MarmaladeBatkins]

But I literally did only ask questions.

And I did a joke about Tory from the Jilly Cooper books because I'd said about JC coming on for a webchat and I saw an opportunity to do a fashion/Jilly related post :(

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Partially. It was aimed at all the people (not just you I think) who said that they only asked a difficult question and how is that bullying.

I sometimes think that unless you (in general) have been bullied it can be hard to recognise behaviour is bullying. Oh it was just a bit of fun, we were just having a banter...

But to the person on the other end who is getting that sick desperate feeling it is bullying. I'm not sure but I don't think bullying has to be intentional on the part of the bullies.

I don't think anyone in the thread consciously decided to make Gok feel like shot, but when you get a gang all backing each other up, and egging each other on, it feels like bullying when you are on the receiving end.

Even if it is just words on the Internet.

[MarmaladeBatkins]

"Thanks for clarifying, Justine. I honestly thought I was going mad then and kept scrolling up and re-checking my questions...

ItsAllGoingToBeFine I'm not sure who your response is aimed at but I have an inkling it's me. Is it?"

[JustineMumsnet]

@ZingDollyChops

hmm, maybe I should get upset that Justine's ignored both my apology and my question.

@ I can just delete the tricky stuff

Wah - you're not allowed to get upset if I don't answer a question - it's in the guidelines.

I'll ask RachelMumsnet about the book - think she's confiscated it .

(And thank you for the apology.)

[JustineMumsnet]

@MarmaladeBatkins

I know, I know but... you've also said " He didn't address the tougher questions because he didn't want to interact with what he saw as bullying behaviour."

So that makes me feel like my questions were bullying.

I am so confused. And probably being thick.

Ah, I see the confusion! Yes I think he felt that the same people who were asking the tougher questions were also taking the piss/doing the sarcastic asides etc and that if he addressed them he'd be rounded on by the mob. I'm not saying that the best response but it was a natural response and a likely outcome, I think, of folks not following the guidelines. Hence our need for the guidelines.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Asking the question once is not bullying. Asking the question multiple times with sarcasm and mocking asides definitely is.

[ZingDollyChops]

hmm, maybe I should get upset that Justine's ignored both my apology and my question.

@ I can just delete the tricky stuff

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

And of course if he'd answered the tricky questions he would have been jumped on and his response torn to shreds

I too was horrified by this Web chat. Watching a small group of posters gang up on this guest to mums net,and derail the entire event . It was very definitely bullying, and was not nice to watch.