Page 2 | If you missed Mumsnet Miscarriage Code of Practice in The Times

overthemill · 21/10/2008 20:36

i ran out of my scan after i'd started bleeding crying, screaming utterly rief stricken. i ran into an empty room and stayed there, face to the wall wailing for about half an hour while a really kind nurse tried to pull me away to a chair. god knows what the poor pregnant couples thought. i was alone, unsupported and no idea what to do next.

they kept me in so i wouldnt be alone, booked me in for an erpc the next day and i miscarried slowly and painfully overnight. next day went for erpc and was asked by anethatist if i had 'any children yet?' he and his wife had just had their irst and he was very excited. stayed one more night then a friend drove up to get me and took me home with her.

i have one beloved daughter now but sadly lost the next baby too after an amnio, my waters broke. it's never 'just a fetus'

chubbymummy · 21/10/2008 20:51

I agree that the term "Evacuation of Retained Products of Conception" should be changed!!!!!!! It's difficult enough going through a miscarriage without hearing such a brutal name for the operation, it left me feeling that my baby would just be sucked out and thrown away.
The hospital were very good actually (apart from some of the terrible terminology they used). They gave me a choice of how to "dispose of the tissue" and assured me that I would be offered several early scans if I decided to have another baby in the future.

CharleeInChains · 21/10/2008 20:56

My babies (twins) were scraped out of me by scissors becuase the dr couldn't find the right instrument to use, hence the infection i really wish i had complained.

CharleeInChains · 21/10/2008 21:19

Sorry about that last post 5yrs later and it still gives me nightmares.

HeadFairy · 21/10/2008 21:27

OMG charlee! What a horrific story so sorry you had to go through that, the doctor should have been struck off, never mind making a complaint.

MrsMcJnr · 21/10/2008 21:28

Thanks for posting the link, I am abroad so didn't see the article in the paper. I felt pretty much abandoned by the medical world during and after my MC and without MNet I am not sure I'd even be able to mention the fact that I'd been through that

hester · 21/10/2008 21:31

HeadFairy, I'm so sorry for your loss. I also went to St George's when I miscarried; it was a Sunday and they saw me in A&E. I told the doctor I thought I was miscarrying, and she said aggressively: 'Well, what do you want me to do about it?". I said, "I want you to tell me if I am about to lose the last-chance baby that I have spent several years trying to conceive. If that's not too much trouble".

She (eventually) referred me on to the EPU the next day. I went on my own. I remember the layout you describe, and - after being told my baby was gone - sitting there sobbing my heart out, ignored by all the staff, desperately trying to get back some self-control.

Three months later I was back there, confirming that I was pregnant again and all looked well. I walked back out into that waiting room wanting to yell with joy, but I didn't because of all the other women out there who weren't going to be as lucky.

That pregnancy has just celebrated her third birthday. I really hope you get some good luck soon, HeadFairy.

Mumsnet, thanks so much for this campaign.

HeadFairy · 21/10/2008 21:54

Hester - so sorry to hear about the horrible time you went through. I knew I was miscarrying on Saturday, but I didn't go to A&E for that very reason, I wasn't convinced I'd get the most sensitive response. My mum and sister both said if I was miscarrying there wasn't anything I could do to stop it and that it was much better to go do the EPU where they're trained to deal with these things, but the whole layout is terrible. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you on your own as well, to sit there so tearful, trying to hide your pain. So awful

Even the so called counselling room (not that I was offered any counselling, we were just using it to take my bloods and check the forms) was bleak. A couple of chairs and a phone that kept on ringing. The nurse who was doing my bloods said it must be a similar number to another department as they were always getting wrong numbers in there. Can't really help the counselling process!

HeadFairy · 21/10/2008 21:55

Oh and so glad to hear you now have a lovely dd. I only have to look at my ds to cheer myself up

hester · 21/10/2008 22:08

Give him - and yourself - a big hug

Trafficcone · 21/10/2008 22:23

I did the questionaire after my first mc but before my 2nd. I'd have had alot more to say this time as it was a later one with hospital stay involved.. I agree with every word and the MN plan for how we should be treated.
My favourite comment was the Dr who said "when you have your third miscarriage then we'll do some investigations" Dh had to tell him we were actually hoping to have a full term pg next time thank you very much!

elvisgirl · 21/10/2008 23:24

Yes, excellent article. I was visiting the EPU on a weekly & sometime twice-weekly basis for wks 6-14 when I had bleeding & they were excellent - in stark comparison to A&E, various GPs & obstreticians I encountered who all seemed to consider it not a proper pregnancy until after 3mths. I could sort of understood the medical reasoning that a large % of mcs occur in that first trimester but for the person in that situation statistics & cold hard facts are not helpful. Nothing is really helpful as such, just marginally less hurtful, especially in retrospect when you are looking back on it & can put it into context. I was so grateful when I was given a picture of the tiny sac at just 6wks as it meant if anything happened at least I had that & it acknowledged our baby's existence.

Cauldronfrau · 21/10/2008 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBlonde · 22/10/2008 08:27

Headfairy - sorry for your loss, I've also experienced that awful waiting room in St G's
It is grim with no privacy whatsoever

HeadFairy · 22/10/2008 12:17

aw, will do hester

Had another lovely experience at St Georges waiting room today. Had to go back for the second of my hCG bloods done to confirm they're falling properly. Anyway, sitting there with everyone else waiting for bloods, as usual there are women coming in for the EPU and sitting there alongside women waiting for their ante natal appointments. At one point a poor woman on a trolley was brought in, I presume from A&E or somewhere. She was writhing in pain and groaning... I guessed she was miscarrying, she was naked from the waist down and covered with only an inadequate sheet. Several midwives were discussing where she could go, the eventually found a room for her but the trolley wouldn't fit in it as the door wasn't wide enough, so they left her there another 5 minutes while they discussed what to do. Eventually she was wheeled through the waiting area to a disabled loo, the trolley fitted in, and a wheelchair was brought in so she could get in to it and cover herself up a bit. Then she was wheeled off again still in pain. All this provided plenty of distraction for the entire waiting room to watch. How awful for the poor woman, thank God she had her husband with her, but still dreadful. As I wandered around the hospital looking for the exit I did notice the fracture clinic has it's own private waiting room, why on earth can't the EPU?

TwoIfByScream · 22/10/2008 14:57

You could add ectopic pregnancies to this. When I had mine, after the post-op drugs wore off the sister of the ward snapped at me for having the audacity to cry (quietly as well I wasn't wailing or making a noise) over it.

Made me feel ashamed for being upset that a much wanted baby was gone.

They acted like I'd had an ingrown toenail removed or something.

Interesting point, while the sister and the other "qualified" nursing staff had no clue and at times made me feel like I was a nuisance for daring to take up a hospital bed rather than die in the street, the auxilliaries knew fine what was wrong and they were the ones who at least seemed to understand. I thanked them for it when I left but never said a word to the rest of the staff.

My baby would have been nine years old this past September, he has twin brothers born two years after despite doctors telling me I had practically zero chances conceiving naturally. It doesn't go away, it doesn't matter that to them it was an 8-week-old fetus, it wasn't to me.

shhhh · 23/10/2008 13:46

I completly missed all of this both with the paper and mn.
A brill idea and one I so hope takes off.
We have experience x2 mc's and sadly our experiences were no better that ones already reported.
2 of my "friends" are nurses and tbh I don't expect anything less form the NHS. I also found them to be insensitive even to me as a friend and also as nurses..trying t explain to be reasons behind the relevant staffs behaviour iykiwm..

Luckily dh & I never gave up hope of having babies and we are now extremly proud parents of dd (3.4 yrs) and ds (20 months). We are hoping for another next year and we hope that our "share" of mc's has now passed us. Its not an experience I would want to wish on my worst enemy..

{{{{Hugs}}}} to those of you who may be experiencing such thing now. xx

shhhh · 23/10/2008 13:46

I completly missed all of this both with the paper and mn.
A brill idea and one I so hope takes off.
We have experience x2 mc's and sadly our experiences were no better that ones already reported.
2 of my "friends" are nurses and tbh I don't expect anything less form the NHS. I also found them to be insensitive even to me as a friend and also as nurses..trying t explain to be reasons behind the relevant staffs behaviour iykiwm..

Luckily dh & I never gave up hope of having babies and we are now extremly proud parents of dd (3.4 yrs) and ds (20 months). We are hoping for another next year and we hope that our "share" of mc's has now passed us. Its not an experience I would want to wish on my worst enemy..

{{{{Hugs}}}} to those of you who may be experiencing such thing now. xx

MamaHobgoblin · 24/10/2008 16:03

I'm so pleased that Mumsnet has managed to get this so high profile, and I fervently hope that these recommendations are taken up.

My first mc was relatively 'ok' - 6 weeks and by the time I saw my sympathetic GP most of it had happened. I got a lot of support and sympathetic treatment from the GPs at my practice. The second time around was entirely different - I was 12 weeks gone, and the scan showed that things had stopped developing at about 8 or 9 weeks. I was already horribly nervous about the scan and was told not to be so daft by the technician before she scanned me. She seemed totally bemused when I started sobbing, hadn't a clue how to cope with it. All I could think about as I tried to stop crying so audibly was that the door was open and the waiting room, full of pregnant women waiting for 12 and 20 week scans, was about 10 metres away. What must they have felt?

Had an ERPC (horrible term). The nursing staff were fabulous, but the registrar who did the operation had a terrible, bored bedside manner. I heard her giving the same, cliche-ridden, bored-sounding schpeil to all three of us who were sitting by our beds, waiting to be taken down. How much effort does it take to try and appear sympathetic?

spongebrainbigpants · 24/10/2008 19:30

Excellent article - thank you for linking.

Completely agree that ERPC needs to be changed - and also the consent form you sign to be given a GA. I've had two D&Cs (prefer that to ERPC)and both times had to sign a general form for GA which asks "could you be pg?"!!!

Three consecutive GPs (all women)whom I went to see when trying for my 3rd baby to discuss my fear of further m/c were horribly insensitive and unkind to me.

Massive training issue here - and general awareness amongst the general public.

When I lost my twins in a missed m/c two years ago one friend asked me if I "thought of them as real children?"

Incredible.