I’m devastated

[Stressed121]

Hi I’m new to all this, and I really need some help. This is a long post. Im
42 with 4 kids ages 19,17,13 and 8. I was on the pill and due to get a coil fitted. To then discover I’m pregnant. I’m approx 7 weeks. I had an early scan at 5 weeks and was told to come back. Went back yesterday and it’s twins but both have a slow heart rate. Not only this I’m so sick and feel horrendous, I sound awful but I didn’t want twins and I’m actually devastated for my health there health and how it will impact my family. One moment I tell myself I can do this and the next time I’m crying looking at options. I feel so poorly and can’t even function. I’m to go back next Thursday for another scan to see what’s happening but all I can think about if how I’m going to survive this. Am I doing the right thing ?

I didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry you are in this position. There really is no right or wrong answer unfortunately, only you can really know what is best for you and your family. It's a horrible question but do you think you would feel a small sense of relief if all was not well at your next scan or would you be devastated? That might help you work out how you truly feel about everything. Sorry that sounds so awful and may be very triggering, please report if you prefer it to be taken down

Thanks. I honestly don’t know how im
meant to feel. I was ok with the thought of one yes I know that’s hard work but two! I sound so selfish considering people would love to be in my position, my sickness is debilitating and I think it’s making me worse. When she said two I was shocked and then she said the heart beats are slow. But she said that can be as they are early and maybe just started. I feel
like im not in control of anything.

Do you want an abortion? Because that’s ok. Or are you just trying to get your head around your circumstances, it’s a lot to process.

I don’t know, i think I have a fear of health implications for me and the potential of two and
my age, I think I have to sit this out till the scan next Thursday and see what happens. My son was born with a hole in his lung (he is fine now ) and I remember the feeling of absolute horror and the way I feel now it’s terrible. Nothing fits me I could
sleep all day. And the second I move I want to be sick. There is no let up.

You're doing the right thing getting as much information as you can, if that's what you mean? Give yourself some time to get your head around things after your scan next week. Talk with your partner too. You were using contraception, so would he be completely against more children, or would you both work together whatever decision you make? Obviously it's your decision, but doing things alone or with a reluctant partner would be much harder.

There is safe medicine you could try for the sickness. I almost terminated a pregnancy due to sickness, it was utterly debilitating.

It sounds like you are full of anxiety, that mixed with hormones can cause extreme nausea. I would wait to see how you feel in a few weeks and for now get DH to help out a lot. Early days is the roughest part of pregnancy, you have a couple of weeks to make a decision and get more info about the pregnancy, press pause if you can and rest up x

My partner is very supportive he is like two is double the love yes it’s a challenge but it’s short lived…. But I’m the one feeling like 💩. He fully supports my choice. We are due to fly to Spain a day after this scan and I’ve been prepared that of this scan isn’t good I won’t be going. But I want them
too. He is very laid back and doesn’t ever worry about things where as I do especially with this.

@Mummame222 thank you. The feeling like I’ve just stepped off a spinning wheel is like something else. Never experienced this with my others. I even said to other half right now I don’t want to be here (dramatic I know) and I wouldn’t do anything like this but it’s like constant punishment and I never wanted this. I’m just lost

You must be absolutely exhausted both physically and emotionally. You need to be able to recover a bit first before being able to make any tough decisions, although far easier said than done

You poor thing.
It's ok to end this pregnancy if that's what you want to do.

@Hibernatalie @Turniptracker
thank you. I just need a break and wish I knew what’s best x

There’s nothing wrong with considering your options and going with what fits you and your family best. You’ll have 6 kids, can you afford to support them all? What would your other children think?

@Overthebow well they don’t know, my 19 year old pretty much moved out, 17 always with her bf and working and the other two I share with my ex so don’t have any childrens for 2 weekends a month give or take, money has never been a a gps is point as you always seem to manage and we both work. I can take a loss allthough would be hard. But nothing is harder than this sickness

I had a baby after a gap of 8 years and I have often thought it would have been much easier if it had been twins. It was like having an only child and they were really sad when the older siblings all left home for university and suffered alot of anxiety. I know that the first couple of years could be harder but you have older kids to help out and they will have each other to play with/go through school together. Feeling morning sickness is a good sign (so my obstetrician told me) and means a healthy pregnancy. You could opt for the harmony test at 10 weeks to put your mind at rest. It is only a blood test but very accurate.

@JPGR thank you I never looked at it like this. What’s a harmony test ? Is that more than the standard tests they offer ?

Yes. It’s the nipt blood test which is done about 10 weeks. It screens for Down’s syndrome, Edwards and a few others. It costs about 350. It’s pretty accurate.

I think at 42 and in your position I'd definitely take that test. We had a PG with complications in my late 30s before the Harmony test was around.

Have you been given any suggestions for the sickness yet?