Struggling with 8 month old twins

[Twingirlmumma]

Apologies if this has been posted somewhere else! Long time reader but first time poster here!

I have girl fraternal twins who are about to turn 8 months next week. I suffer from PND (have been receiving help for this since 2 months!) but just find being a twin mum so so hard and worry that it won’t ever get any better

the twins themselves were a bit of a shock when we found out I was pregnant and I’ve been filled with anxiety from then on about how I’ll cope

For the last 2 weeks the girls have constantly been whinging and crying 24/7 and I am absolutely drained. My partner is very very supportive but I can tell even has become disheartened. I spend most days teary eyed and just wanting it to be bed time. Except now they wake up every hour!

not sure if there’s question here or if I’m just ranting into space! But just wondering if there was any advice from any twin mums out there

[Justdoit2024]

Aww, I know exactly how you feel. For months we struggled with our twins but the main thing I’d recommend first is look at what could be causing the constant whinging. Is the cot uncomfortable, how about the lighting when they sleep, have you moved onto food and it’s giving them stomach upset? I think it’s important to explore that. When we bought new cots then my twins slept much better and we also started to make the room a bit darker and quieter (none of that white noise stuff). We also changed our routine and stuck to it so they knew what was going to happen next and also made our lives easier.

As many other parents will say, it doesn’t get easier, it just gets different and I will echo that now my twins are older.

And finally, reach out to twinstrust! I have had help from the helpline and it was exactly what I needed to shed some light on the issues I was having.

[Absentminded1]

Not a twin mum, I’m sure you’re doing the best you can under the circumstances. Try to not be too hard on yourself. You can only do what you can do, just be honest with those around you & things will get easier when they sleep longer so you can tackle the days well rested. Hang in there.

[Jandob]

Can you join a twins club? Hard with 1 let alone 2. Can you get help, grandparents, daytime babysitter, bored teenager, etc. Get them out go for a walk to park. Find a nearby baby and toddler group. Go regularly and same days. Join gym with creche. Leave with dh for an hour and go for a walk.

[Twingirlmumma]

@Justdoit2024 I feel so awful for getting so stressed with them but honestly feel at the end of my rope!

the whinging and crying has only started the last two weeks and as far as I’m aware nothing has changed in what we do! The girls were very smiley babies before albeit still very hard work as I’m sure you know!

sleep wise it’s still the same as always! They’ve been sleeping in their cot and in their own room since around 5 months and although we’ve never had anything all night through it’s never been as bad as it has lately with wake-up’s and them absolutely screaming the house down when they do!

@Jandob i do all of this when I can! I take them for a walk every single day. We are thankfully moving north at the end of next month to be closer to my parents and hopefully have more support. I find taking them places horrendously anxiety inducing as they are quite high needs babies (if that’s a thing!) but I do try my best and am part of twins clubs and babies clubs but at the moment struggling to find my feet!

@Absentminded1 thank you for your support! I’m finding being a first time mum very overwhelming!

[twohotwaterbottles]

Twin mum here. It's SO hard OP. Have you tried a swaddle. I don't think I slept for months and a Dr suggested I try it. Babies have a strong startle reflex and flap themselves awake. It does get easier. Different challenges but definitely easier. I walked for miles every day and made myself a little chart of how to fill every half an hour. It usually went to pants but dividing the day up ( even theoretically) made me less overwhelmed. Sending a hug. X

[Nannydoodles]

Could it be teething? It does get easier as they get older. I have twin grandchildren and used to have them regularly when they were babies to give Mum a break.
Once they are able to play on their own it definitely gets easier, what I found invaluable was a ball pond/playpen once they started to move. I’d pop one in when I changed the others nappy or both in when I had to do something myself otherwise they were a double demolition squad!!
At the moment though just concentrate on getting through the day and maybe lower your expectations- if at the end of the day you are all alive, fed and warm you’ve done brilliantly, the rest will come.

[twohotwaterbottles]

I've just read you're moving soon and may have support. That will make all the difference in the world. I had no one, no family, no support and a useless (ex) husband. Good luck with the move OP. You will get through this 😊

[DNLove]

Please give yourself enough credit for what you are doing! Keeping 2 babies alive is not an easy task! One high needs baby neat broke me, the thoughts of 2 hell no!
They're in a phase I guess where they want to be mobile but they're not and they're irritated and thus irritating you.
I see you, I feel you.
You're doing amazing!

[louem]

@Twingirlmumma

Apologies if this has been posted somewhere else! Long time reader but first time poster here!

I have girl fraternal twins who are about to turn 8 months next week. I suffer from PND (have been receiving help for this since 2 months!) but just find being a twin mum so so hard and worry that it won’t ever get any better

the twins themselves were a bit of a shock when we found out I was pregnant and I’ve been filled with anxiety from then on about how I’ll cope

For the last 2 weeks the girls have constantly been whinging and crying 24/7 and I am absolutely drained. My partner is very very supportive but I can tell even has become disheartened. I spend most days teary eyed and just wanting it to be bed time. Except now they wake up every hour!

not sure if there’s question here or if I’m just ranting into space! But just wondering if there was any advice from any twin mums out there

Fellow twin mum here...it's tough...really tough! I had a singleton first so I knew how hard one newborn was...I was terrified for two and rightly so. Mine are almost two...it's still hard but I find I laugh more now, I enjoy them more. I still have moments when I cry, but it's not like I used to. I used to cry...every.single.day!
You've got to 8 months! I'm sure you have a routine but routine is key, babies love routine. One of mine still ends up in bed with me every night, but that's ok...we all need sleep. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, we are all just winging it trying to get through the days. As long as they are clean, fed, loved and happy you're doing amazing.
The crying from two is so much harder to deal with than one, with one you can scoop up and console and somewhat carry on...with two crying who do you choose? Mine tap the couch when they are upset or want a cuddle, I sit and they clamber on top of me and we all cuddle together...it's honestly the best feeling.
I'm sorry I've rambled....
I remember I was shopping with my newborn twins and another twin mum said in amazement when hers turned one she felt like superwoman. When mine got to one I felt that too! Brighter days are coming op!

[JollyMollyPolly]

My twins are now 14 and taller than me and while I know those early years were really difficult, I now look back on them with great fondness and have a massive longing to go back and hold them when they were little just one more time. So be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes and before you know it those tough days will slide into easier ones.
I've always said every age is difficult for different reasons but those early years with the twins were the hardest (I went on to have a singleton when my twins had just turned 3, and he was soooo easy compared to dealing with two, so always remember that if you find yourself comparing yourself to others).

[RavenFox]

I'm a twin mum to. Girls, fraternal. It's such fun isn't it! Mine are ten now and they were not my first babies. I have two older girls to who were my little helpers and their dad is a superhero. We have no family so many times I'd feel like I was cracking up because my two older girls were the easiest babies in the world but my twins from two weeks old were never hungry at the same time or wanted to sleep at the same time! My goodness they were evil I felt at times 😂...Sleep deprived was not the word, I didn't look after myself despite constant offers of help from friends and my husband so I got ill, so my first tip is if you get offers of help especially when it comes to sleep for god's sake take it. All babies are different so you just have to roll with this and please enjoy it to because whoossh! All of a sudden it'll be gone. However, that's also an annoying thing for people to say so I'll just say this, you love them, you sound like you're doing great and I'm so glad you're not married to a selfish wanker. It could be better but it could be so much worse. It will be ok, and how do I know this? Because I've done it and because it has to be and if I can do it so can you because I'm a high functioning anxiety lunatic who forgets everything all the time and has made mood swings...but I'm also a great mum and so are you. Congratulations on your beautiful babies. Go you super mum 💓😎

[Donimo]

Another twin mum here with 20 month old twins. And as everyone has said it definetly became easier from around 14 months. I know that seems a long way off now but it will soon come round.

A few things to think about try (sorry if you are already doing them). Already mentioned but a firm routine. We never used to bath our girls daily (just hard with 2) but.we started during this and they started to settle to sleep better. When my girls sleep awfully I put a mattress on the floor in their room and sleep in there (take turns with husband) they do seem to sleep better then and you don't need to get out of bed. I still need to do this when they are unwell or teething. With weaning do they need more food for tea as they are hungry overnight?? Or are they going through a growth spurt so need more food (growth spurts can cause pain too). Try things like banana, pasta. I always find they sleep better if we have had some fresh air and change of scene during the day (my girls are a nightmare if at home all day both during the day and overnight). I know this is hard I have anxiety made massively worse when the twins were born and then ptsd from the birth but if you can try to. I find it easier to do the same things each week is easier for mej as then I prepared with what I need to do. This includes a toddler group, twins club and swimming lessons. Having these regular groups has helped me increase my support system too. The twins club is great as we are regularly messaging through the week asking for advice or just a hand hold.

The only other thought is are they wanting to be on the move and getting frustrated? I'm guessing they are not crawling yet?

[Twingirlmumma]

Hi everyone!

I just wanted to say I’ve been reading through all your comments and I’m overwhelmed at how lovely and supportive everyone has been to me! I’m the first of my friends to have a baby and haven’t had family around so found motherhood very lonely! so it really has been so lovely to read all of this and wish I could reply to everyone individually.

we had a better night last night and a bit of a better day. Whinging and crying (them not me 😂) has reduced by about 20% which is a small win!

the girls are fed well and I follow a routine as much as I can with two! We also go out as much as we can for walks and groups! I think my PND makes stressful situations 10x worse so I’m still learning to cope!

twin 1 is army crawling but I think desperate to walk so gets frustrated and I think twin 2 is frustrated that she can’t do either! I think that’s along with teething might explain the last 2 weeks behaviour!

again, thank you all. It’s been lovely to read some positive stories about having twins so I know there’s some light at the end of the tunnel ❤

[Thelazygardener]

Awwww that must be so hard! I don’t have twins but I do have a LO who turns 8 months on Sunday and in the last two weeks he has non stop whinged too. He’s just started really trying to crawl and is so frustrated! He’s also gone from sleeping really well to frequent hysterical wakes. I really think it’s a bit of a phase (lots of forums about 8 month olds and similar issues too). Having two must be really difficult, one whinging is draining enough. Hoping it passes soon 🤞

i hope your move goes well and it all feels a little easier soon x

[Pine24]

You are doing amazingly! My twins are younger than yours and it's so so hard isn't it!
When you move north, it could be worth looking to see if your local Home Start can support - they are always keen to support families of multiples and also mums working through PND. Lovely volunteers who come for a couple of hours a week. We just have a brew and a chat and my volunteer has been a great support and loves spending time with the babies. Your HV/GP can refer or you can self refer.
Keep going, you're smashing it!