Taking in DS's half sister

[BigSmallHeather]

In summary, I have a 6 year old, I broke up with his dad and his dad married and also has a 4 year old girl. Ex and his wife are no longer able to look after their daughter and she is currently being looked after by paternal grandmother. It is unlikely this arrangement will contunue and we are exploring other options for the girl.

I am considering offering to take her in. Her and my DS get on well, I have the space for her and I am financially stable. I am from an EU country, ex and his wife were from africa. DS and I speak my native language at home rarely english and its important to me that we keep this going. His half sister has no knowledge of the language and I am not sure how easy it would be for her to pick up. I try to educate DS about our culture and our history and makes sure he knows his roots.
If I took in DS's half sister I would not be able to speak to her in the language she has used at home and my knowledge about the history and culture of her parent's country is limited. Grandparents from both sides are not very involved in her life and I imagine the contact may be more difficult now her parents are out of the picture. I am not sure I could rely on their cultural influence.

Does anyone have any experience of integrating a child with a different cultural background in to the family? How do I go about keeping her in touch with her roots? How do I respect her heritage and make her feel comfortable among us when we do things so differently?

[coffeeloverrr85]

You are very kind to want to do this for her. I don't have any advice, but I hope it works out for her

[brokenblender]

I don't know about the rest but at 4 she should pick up the language fairly quickly if that's what you are speaking at home.
Very kind thing to do, it won't be easy but I'm sure your son will thank you

[Unexpecteddrivinginstructor]

I think she would really quickly pick up your language. I have seen friends of my dc joining their classes throughout primary and within about 6 months they are fluent. I would probably still have ds talk to her in their shared language but you talk in your country of origin language. In terms of sharing her heritage, you can do what you can but you need to consider that if you do not look after her, who else is going to and can they do it any better? If you are the best person then I would accept it is not an ideal situation but it is as good as it can be.

[cadink]

If you can give her a kind home, she is it an age where she can quickly become fluent (3-6 months). In the long run giving her the gift of another language is a blessing and something that could be very helpful to her when she's older. Please don't let that stop you

[Nimbostratus100]

will you be allowed to take her if you dont speak her language? I dont think you can take a bereaved child in and talk to them in an entirely new language and just expect them to pick it up. It would be different if she had a secure carer and was learning a new language outside of this relationship.

I think you would be expected to speak her language to her - are you prepared to do this?

[PreparationPreparationPrep]

OP will this be a SGO?
Can SS provide support for example a key/support worker who speaks her language. It is hard to get them to commit resources but I think you have to have a good idea of the support you will need to make it work. When she is older there will be language classes she can attend. It would also be up to you to reach out to communities linked to the children's background. This is will benefit your son as well.

[Gunkle1]

I think what you are thinking of doing is amazing, she deserves a home filled with love. Language doesn't matter when making someone feeled loved.

Lots of research and reaching out to local communities linked with her heritage would be first step.

Whilst she will pick up your language, could you and your son learn some phrases and parts of her language, so she doesn't feel its all on her to change. It will open you up to her heritage also.

[BigSmallHeather]

We all live in the UK and we all speak english so she is not coming in to a home where she cant be understood but I dont want to give up on speaking my native language to my son.

In terms of economic stability I am the one who can offer her the best life. One set of grandparents are living in one of the poorest countires in africa and dont want her to grow up there. The other set of grandparents are in the UK but three hours away and on the brink of losing their house because they havent paid the mortgage for months. But I am really worried about the culture clash and not being able to raise her as her parents would have liked.

[caramac04]

I think her parents would have liked her to raised where she is wanted and will be cared for, in a secure home with someone who genuinely cares about her needs. You seem the ideal person to me. Culturally you can get loads of info on the internet and maybe have a food themed night once a month/week from her culture and find some art prints/books / ornaments etc.
You are so kind to do this.

[SeulementUneFois]

OP.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Your life, and your DS's life, will definitely be worse if you do this.

Please research this, go on the adoption boards to see how this may develop in the future. The high rate of 'adoption reactive behavior' (there's an official psychological name for this that escapes me) that often makes the entire family's life hell for years if not decades.

Please research this in depth.

[rc22]

Is it looking likely that she will go into local authority care? Being brought up with her half brother and with a someone who really wants the best for her and wants to support her in understanding her culture would probably be the better option. However, you really need to be sure this is right for you and your son. You're very kind to be considering it and no one could blame you if you decide against it.