How to teach baby my mother tongue if I’m not fluent myself?

[Peridotty]

Mum of a 7 month old baby girl. Really want to teach my baby my mother tongue but I’m struggling!! My first language is English. I understand the OPOL thing but I cannot express everything in my mother tongue myself or I get it wrong (grammar, sentence structure and word choice). I have been asking my mum for help on FaceTime. She lives in another country though. DH is no use. We speak English to each other. I don’t have friends who speak my mother tongue either and I plan to put my baby in a bilingual nursery but they don’t teach my mother tongue. My mum plans on teaching my baby when they meet but this would only be during any holidays. We don’t have a TV and don’t like to use screens with baby. What can I do?

[Peridotty]

My level of fluency in my mother tongue would be I can understand everyday language 99%, i can read easy things, I can’t write it. I can speak in short sentences. I don’t know the name of everything ( I used to substitute the word with an English word when I was a child). I have grown up with my mother tongue from birth to when I left home at 19. After I went to uni I stopped speaking it.

[Peridotty]

And my pronunciation is off sometimes. I have a bit of an English accent when speaking this other language.

[SaturdayAfternoon]

Are you fluent in your other language?

[SaturdayAfternoon]

@Peridotty

My level of fluency in my mother tongue would be I can understand everyday language 99%, i can read easy things, I can’t write it. I can speak in short sentences. I don’t know the name of everything ( I used to substitute the word with an English word when I was a child). I have grown up with my mother tongue from birth to when I left home at 19. After I went to uni I stopped speaking it.

I would be wary, but other night disagree. It can be very hard to help children whose only exposure to a language is not great. How much is English spoken in the country where you live?

[Peridotty]

I live in the USA now so only English is spoken here.

[Peridotty]

I was born in the U.K. so the language I’m most fluent in is English and English is the language I use everyday. I speak English to my mum, dad and sister too but now trying to use my mother tongue and struggling! I can say simple things and everyday phrases to my baby but it’s hard to say everything in this other language forever! Should I try to improve my fluency in my mother tongue by watching TV in that language etc

[Ithinkim]

I would try to improve your own and then speak to her in it as much as you can.

[howrudeforme]

Let you DC watch TV in that language and reinforce it with what you can.

Is this a widely spoken language, ie could you employ a nanny to care and speak in that language?

[CokeAndPepsi]

Can you get cartoons or games in your native language? Or maybe if you’re going to get a nanny you could find one who speaks it?

[bobbojobbo]

If you were born in the UK and grew up speaking English, and English is your first language, English IS your mother tongue. It means your native language.
Are you confusing the term and meaning your mothers native language, which you grew up with but are not a native speaker of?

Either way, if you want to teach it to your child you are going to have to be more fluent than you are now. Try duolingo and similar.

[Lougle]

I think it's a bit confusing, because generally, the language you are most fluent in would be considered your mother tongue. However, some cultures do use 'mother tongue' to mean the main language of that culture, not 'first language'.

I don't know what the benefit of teaching your mother tongue would be, if they won't get the opportunity to use it in every day conversation.

[LaMainDeFatima]

In reality if you are not speaking it properly at home your child will not easily pick it up

Are there any classes or clubs in this language for the baby when she's a bit older ? Or community groups ? Even online clubs? But if you're not speaking it at home it will be a little pointless .

I presume it's a non European language that probably won't be taught in school.

[givememarmite]

You sound similar to my DH, although he spent his first 8 years in his native country then moved to a different country. He speaks the new language with 100% fluency and feels it is his native language now. For this reason he decided not to try and speak in his mother tongue to our children, but rather his native tongue and the language of the country we live in together. I speak English to them as it's my mother tongue and I learned this new language only from age 20+. He speaks a mixture of both languages to his parents still. I guess the difference for us is his parents are in the same country as us so the children have exposure to the language that way.
I guess this is my very long winded way of saying, if English is your native, most fluent language then don't feel bad in speaking that to your DD. Give her exposure to your mother tongue in other ways, reading books in that language, watching kids programmes, video calls with your family.
I am mostly very keen on the OPOL concept but there are situations when I think you have to go with what you feel works best for your family.

[GypsyLee]

Duo lingo is brilliant and you could do an online course to brush up. Everyday words will be what your child will need, surely.
I think you should carry on util you feel stuck and if your child takes to it they could have a private lesson when all free resources are exhausted.
Good luck.

[AmandaHoldensLips]

Babies pick up languages really easily so definitely use your mother tongue to her as much as you can. My mother never did this and I wish that she had. She believed that her children would have "no use" for her language. And it's a bloody difficult language so I wish she had! Too late for me now.

[EchoLimaYankee]

I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Children need good language models. They need to hear a rich vocabulary and grammatically correct sentences. As a teacher, I’ve seen too many parents use only English rather than their 1st language with their children and as a result the children have poor spoken and written English. Your child would potentially be doubly worse off. Little English and a weak model of the other language. Unless both parents will be parenting equally time wise.

[Buttercup2021]

DH is Indian but came to England as a young teenager. Speaks flawless English but his Hindi is poor because his parents speak “Hinglish” to each other as one is Punjabi! Can’t read and write although his comprehension is good but not good enough to watch a film or the news.

Indian language programming is execrable according to my in-laws, and we put a stop to Indian cartoons because they’re so violent.

Eventually we solved the problem by employing an Indian babysitter until the DC were old enough to attend formal language lessons (we’re in London which is very polyglot so these were easy to find). They translate for us now!

[Snorkelface]

I was brought up with two languages up until the age of 6, English being the primary. The other language was mainly key words for the world around me, shopping, animals, toys, things around the house etc and how to say basic phrases. I also had stories read to me in both and early reading books in both. Neither of my parents spoke the second language well and both spoke it with an English accent. I can remember older relatives who spoke it fluently loving any attempt at my siblings and I speaking it, and loving correcting us even more. We all became more fluent later in life but just those basics made a huge amount of difference. Our accents are passable now too, but that came from visiting family abroad every so often growing up and teenage angst at sounding silly on holiday. She's still so little I'm sure really basic stuff would be better than nothing, maybe you can check pronunciation online.

[Turquoisa80]

I can understand this, I understand my mother tongue really well but speak it with an English accent and can get my sentences mixed up. I speak bits here and there with my DC and they understand but are reluctant to speak. You sound rusty, the more you speak the easier it will come to you. I also think language fluency can be achieved by willing to sound a bit ridiculous initially.

[Lottapianos]

Everything that EchoLima said. If English is your first language, then I dont know what you mean by 'mother tongue'. If its not a language that you are fluent, confident and natural using, then dont use it with your child. As said, children need good, functional language modelling. Your child will not learn functional language from watching TV. Just use English OP

[corythatwas]

There's not a straight divide between "teach a child to be absolutely fluent in all situations" and "never teach them anything at all". You can actually teach them a little bit. You can speak English to her, and sometimes the other language. You can teach her a few songs and nursery rhymes. It won't be the same as having a full command of the language but it will still be something. And it absolutely won't do her any harm.

I'd agree with pp that if you express yourself fluently in English and not in the other language, then you probably do need to use English quite a bit, especially if you are the primary carer, to make sure her language development is rich enough. But that doesn't mean you can never teach her any of your own language. Either a few bits and bobs when she is little or starting as more deliberate teaching when she is older. My mother was not bilingual at all, but she still taught me enough English for me to be able to take off on my own and learn more. It was worth having.

[Peridotty]

Thanks for all the amazing replies. Yes I would call myself rusty in my mother tongue. I call it my mother tongue because it is the language that my parents speak at home and spoke to me when I was at home. When I was younger I could speak it better but not to the extent where I could discuss big topics. A long time ago I got an A* at GCSE and A in A level for it when I was at school.
I don’t think it would impact my baby’s grasp of English as her dad/ my husband will be speaking English to her and I speak English to him too. I’ll sing to her in English and probably will have to speak some English to her as well. Her nursery would also have English and eventually she will have English at school.
I want her to know the language because it’s part of her ethnic identity. For example, if someone was French it would be nice if they could speak some French. Also my mum is extremely keen that I teach her the language and is willing to put in the effort on her side to teach my baby too.

[Buttercup2021]

Sorry, flat out contradicting the PPs. Even a smattering of another language is immensely beneficial. Otherwise why do we bother learning languages in school? Also bollocks to say it affects fluency in English - it may do in early years but I’ve yet to meet an immigrant kid who hasn’t eventually been able to speak perfect English via simple osmosis.

[DasPepe]

Don’t panic. We only spoke English as my fluency in my language isn’t good and being tired made it worse. But my husband, for whom English is a second language also struggled (read: didn’t try).

When we left UK, my DD1 was 4.5 years and could speak only the words from the book we have her “my first 50 words in”. She became fluent in 6 months.

Use books and later tv to introduce simple phrases and words. Vocabulary building is still ok Then when you are able to travel and visit, the immersion in language will drive the fluency along.

I’ve met kids who have been abroad on a placement at age 10
Years and still picked up new language foundation in 6 weeks.

[DasPepe]

For people who are confused about “mother younger”. I came to Uk at age 10 years, knowing just a few things in English. Polish IS my mother tounge and the language I spoke for the first 11 years. However I have now spoken English for three times longer. At a young age I haven’t reached proficiency in my mother tongue yet. English is by far my main language.
I am now try-lingual (as in I try) as we left UK.

By definition Polish is my mother tongue. But I speak English with my mother / siblings etc. when I speak polish to anyone they either laugh a bit or they commend me for speaking so well.