When do you start feeling normal again?

[lordVoldemort]

Hi ladies,

I had a TFMR at 18 weeks back in the summer due to severe heart defects.

Baby had been conceived via IVF and we're currently waiting for an appointment to start another cycle.

Since my TFMR I feel like I've been "faking" life. I smile and chat with friends etc but inside I feel empty. All I want is a baby and it's all I think about all day every day.

Did anyone else feel like this and how long did it take before you started to feel normal again? I'm worried it won't happen until I have a baby but the IVF probably won't happen until April with a transfer in the summer so even if we were very lucky and it worked first time it will be a long while before we have a baby.

[InDreamland]

Hi @lordVoldermort I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so hard isn't it. I lost our first baby in July at 12 weeks (conceived naturally after 5 years TTC) and then had a second loss last month. Whilst I can't give any advice because it sounds like I'm at the same stage as you I just wanted to send a hug and hand hold.I also feel like all I'm doing is faking my smiles and laughter, pretending I'm ok when all I'm doing is crumbling inside, unable to focus on things and cry so much behind closed doors. Grief hits everyone differently and the bereavement period is different for everyone too. Just please know that it is totally normal to feel this way. I'm getting counselling but it only goes so far to helping but nothing will ever make me feel 'better'. I hope you can get some support from a professional counsellor if you don't already have one x

[herethereandnow]

Hi lordVoldemort, I'm so sorry for your loss, no words can make any of this easier. Its a really traumatic thing you have been though. We all heal in different ways and in different timeframes, but I know what you mean about faking life - I felt like that with my MC, it took a few months for me to feel and emotionally be myself again.

Take each day as it comes and each day (or week) do something that is just for you, go to a movie, go to the gym, do a course (I did a leadlight window class) - do something to think about something else. Not to forget but to give your heart and mind a break.

You should also have a chat with your GP about counselling or reach out to tommy's or something to help you through you this - you aren't alone. One day soon you'll laugh out loud and you'll mean it. Sending you a big hug xx