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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Is there any hope??

9 replies

babybunintheoven · 13/12/2011 13:03

I bled on Sunday night. Had a scan yesterday but they couldn't see or hear anything. I am meant to be 12 weeks. I have been told to return for another scan on Thursday to measure any growth in the sack.

I can't believe the grief i feel, my forehead is bruised from crying so hard and I feel guilt as it has been suggested that there may still be hope.

Is there really still hope??
Has anyone had his happen where it ended well?

If so, what can I do to maximise the chances for the best outcome?

OP posts:
Combinearvester · 13/12/2011 13:09

babybun sorry you are going through this. I just want to reassure you that there is nothing you can do / could have done to fix this. If a miscarriage is under way at this stage nothing can be done.

I have to be honest and say it doesn't sound good and it does sound as though you may have miscarried, at 12 weeks if everything is going okay a foetus can usually be seen. Unless you have got your dates wrong and you could actually be a lot earlier along in the pregnancy e.g. six weeks? Could they just see an empty sac or anything else at all?

babybunintheoven · 13/12/2011 16:37

My dates can only be wrong by a week at the most.

Thanks Combine for your honest reply, this mirrors the comments of the kind lady who did the scan, she was really lovely and patient with me, but straight with her opinion.

It was the mid wives that suggested hope.

I just want to fast forward a few weeks time. when we can start trying again and I feel like less of a failure.

I hate the idea of dealing with everyone's pity over Christmas and people wanting to 'talk' about it.

OP posts:
Combinearvester · 13/12/2011 17:38

Babybun you are not a failure if you miscarry. If you are then so am I and many millions of women all over the world. I think these days and in this country with people being so we come to expect people who conceive a baby to give birth to that perfect baby; unfortunately this is not the case for so many people, and in fact it is very very normal to miscarry especially in the first trimester.

I think what I am trying to say is you are not alone; you have not done anything wrong and you could not have not done anything to deserve this. I totally understand what you mean with not being able to deal with anyone's pity - I dealt with this by being brutally matter of fact about it which put people off - also if you want to avoid people and hide in your room then fuck 'em, quite frankly it is all about you (and partner).

I don't know if it brings any comfort to you, sometimes it is difficult to hear other people's pregnancy stories, but because you mention trying again I will let you know that I lost a baby at 18 weeks pregnant and was pregnant again 6 weeks later.

If you have miscarried then make sure you get all the information help and support you need, the miscarriage association may help.

So sorry this is happening to you.

babybunintheoven · 13/12/2011 22:30

Thank you Combine, your responses have been a massive help. I really am very grateful. I know I should not consider myself a failure, i just can't help feeling embarrassed by my blind optimism that everything would be fine. Next time I will wait for the scan to tell everyone and get excited.

I have shunned all but my fiancé from my bubble of grief till this is over. Only junk food, shitty tv and mumsnet lifts my spirits enough to keep me sane.

It does help to hear that you conceived again so quickly, and congratulations. You have reminded me of how excited and happy we were to be pregnant, i am determined to get through this and get it right next time.


OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 13/12/2011 22:33

Poor you! My first pregnancy seemed to be fine until a scan at 13 weeks showed no heartbeat. Total shock. Had no idea this could happen. Felt like a crap woman and a failure too. You are no such thing. Hang on in there and do whatever feels right for you over the coming weeks.
BTW I now have two happy and healthy children. Hope one day you have the outcome you deserve. Look after yourself. We are here if you need us.

JjandtheBean · 15/12/2011 00:19

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry!

I've just had the same, I was 13wks and they said sorry there's no heartbeat. Monitored my hgc and nothing. I had an eprc on monday and I'm slowly recovering its truly heartbreaking, please do pm me if you want to talk, take care xxxx

nocluenoclueatall · 15/12/2011 12:05

babybun I'm in a similar position to you. I'm getting re-scanned next week too but having had a baby before, I know what I saw was wrong. It looked wrong, it felt wrong and having people offer hope was just wrong. For me, anyway. The NHS doctors have to cover their asses though unfortunately, some people do get their dates wrong - cycles can be longer or shorter etc etc.

I'm just so sorry you're going through this too. Take good care of yourself and PM me as well if you want to.


RIBS · 15/12/2011 14:28

So Sorry Babybun.

I just went to my 12 wk scan on Tues and there was no heart beat. I was scanned at 7 wks and saw a heart beat. Gutted obv. Im trying to be very matter of fact about it. It does happen, apparantly 1 in 4 so the leaflet says.
I agree with you and combine tho, I know everyone deals with it differently but Iv literally just bit my friends heads off as I cant do with the sympathetic, head tilted on a side, "so how are you really, you dont have to be brave you know." Ive got a big night out for a friends bday on Saturday, for which im going to have copious amounts of cocktails, and they think I should be at home in mourning. I refuse! They think im a heartless cow, but really what can I do about it. Yes, its a shitty situation, Yes, more than anything id love to have seen my little jelly bean bouncing around on the scan, Yes id love to be telling my DD that she's going to have a much longed for brother or sister. But its not happening. Thats it.

I just think that the little guy obv wasnt strong enough, it could be worse, I could have delivered a poorly baby who then couldnt make it. I couldnt imagine anything worse. It happened to one of my friends. I just dont know how parents who have to go through this cope.

What I do have to do is go to hospital for tablets on Sunday, so im just carrying a dead foetus until then which is just the most upsetting thing. Wouldnt mind but still have pregnancy symptoms.

I just want to get the next week over and done with and start again.

Sorry this is a bit of an essay isnt it.

Ive got my fingers crossed for me and all of you having to go through this that the next time is plain sailing. I hope to hear about everyone SWIing on threads and see all our BFP's in the VERY near future.

hugahuddy · 15/12/2011 15:10

hi babybun
i just had a miscarriage, scan showed progress wasn't good and i went onto mostly miscarriage naturally. after the odd scan i prepared myself for the worst, but i'd had bleeding, pain and passing clots. mums net was amazing, such support. i struggled with the waiting for the next scan, i filled my head with tele and rested in between scans, think the sofa is dinted with my shape now! i've found christmas a welcome distraction for me and everyone else, i don't want pity, not looking forward to seeing mother in law for the first time.
i don't know if you have, but i can say that i found it emotionally and physically unpleasasant but it is amazing what we can deal with, especially with support. there are many stories of people conceiving after a miscarriage, sometimes amazingly quickly so i'm keeping my focus on the aim of having a family and fingers crossed it works out somehow.

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