I'm posting then going to bed so will check back tomorrow.
This is such a long story so I'm missing loads out.
Basically my ex was abusive that's why I left. I lost in court and he got contact. There were a few contacts my kids should never have been subjected to it was damaging. But mostly paternal man and aunts did the childcare for him. Then he got his current gf. And she is amazing my kids started to come back happy and I stopped getting comments from them that concerned me.
As time has passed it turns out our youngest is high needs SEND. He doesn't have a school place no childcare will take him friends and family feel they can't cope. I'm managing but it's a real struggle and without EOW contact I would have a breakdown.
Ex and gf have had a child. Now almost 2. Not walking or talking so I suspect may also be SEND but I am literally guessing on that. Gf back to work full time. Ex works part time and contributing nothing to the house. The mortgage is paid by gf. It's a two bedroom house my kids have a bedroom and her child doesn't. I know the financial stuff as I've seen it as part of our divorce (he finally agreed to it now as I assume he wants to latch onto her instead of me).
Anyway kids now saying they don't want to go. Gf is mean etc. I've asked a few questions and it's not mean it's parenting. Essentially she always went about and beyond for my kids but now is doing less. Examples I've been given are things like getting told off at breakfast when daddy is still in bed sleeping. All examples are where ex is living his life/sleeping and has dumped my kid on his gf. If his behaviour is the same as when I left him he's also likely getting angry at gf for baby noises interrupting his gaming or waking him up.
Anyway kids have told him they don't want to go. He told them he would never force them (fucking lie he forced it to reduce his maintenance even said this in court). But because of our sons SEND I think the same has happened on his side of the family all the people who could support are saying they can't handle the behaviour. So gf is doing it all. And I suspect she may have told him he needs to do more and he hasn't hence why she's a bit moody with my kids.
Oh and ex says if I push him to keep up his contact "that's fine but it's important we tell DS it's because mummy needs a break from him". The ficking blackmail in that!!
What do I do? I honestly think if I don't allow contact to drastically reduce gf will end up leaving ex. And if she leave I don't believe my children will be safe with ex. But I'm very serious when I say I will have a breakdown if I don't get that respite. I love my son but he's torn my life apart. My own partner left because of the behaviour. I can't work. I can't pay my mortgage, my pension will be crap. I cant socialise or even have a bath. I'm cleaning shit and mess all the time. My house gets trashed and then I used the weekend off to sleep for 24 hours get the housework done and batch cooking for the upcoming 2 weeks because I can't safely cook with son around.
Any advice? We have a disability social worker I can't get any more support from any services or charities I've tried everything
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3 replies
PurpleBugz · 20/03/2024 23:58
OP posts:
PurpleBugz ·
21/03/2024 06:08
Problemnumber99 · 21/03/2024 00:46
Im so sorry for your situation, being a single mum is hard enough without the added issues. Is there any way the kids could go for less time but more frequently? Maybe a whole day each week, or some tea times?
Could you have an honest chat with the gf? You having a nervous breakdown won't work in their favour either...
Hope someone with more SEND experience can help you
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