Urgent directions hearing

[bus74]

I was hand served papers from my ex partners solicitor last night. It states that there is an urgent directions hearing next week.
There are no concerns about my care of the children, no Social Services involvement (except in the past when I have referred incidents of DV and harassment from him and the recent discovery of him assaulting one child as a baby that he allowed a nursery worker to be blamed for).
There is nothing on the form or his application to say he is concerned the children are at risk or at risk of abduction etc.
Contact has been paused since new year due to medical neglect resulting in my son being quite unwell 6 out of 7 last contact times from a chronic illness he has.
I have repeatedly offered a zoom conversation recorded for both our reference to discuss how to manage son's medical needs. I had also already been in contact with a mediator who invited him to take part. All ignored by him.
I only received his solicitors letter on Wednesday and haven't had chance to respond as son has been in hospital.
What happens at an urgent directions heating? Do I attend? I can't afford a solicitor and I'm not entitled to legal aid. (ex claims to have zero income and is over £4500 in debt with CMS).
Son is due to be back to hospital for a small procedure next week and I don't find out the date until tomorrow. What if it is the same time as son's procedure? Can I challenge the urgent directions hearing myself on the grounds there is no urgency under the criteria on the application?
Any advice gratefully received.

i've posted on legal as well.

[Okitsme]

I’m sorry this is happening, I have no advice but it might help to ask for this to be put somewhere with more traffic such as Chat or on Legal

[bus74]

Thanks - i've posted in legal but no takers

[Betterbuckleupbarbara]

@bus74 vexatious litigation springs to mind. Do nothing except follow court instructions until you know more, and try and stay as calm as humanly possible. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

[bus74]

thank you. i don't know what is expected from me on the court date next week. Do I attend or is it an administrative hearing? Can I ring the court and ask? If my son's appointment is the same day that will have to take priority. Vexatious litigation is an excellent description. Father has contact via facetime any time the boys want although he is using messages to check up on us, where we are, why son has missed an after school activity (he's ill!) etc. But he never follows up when i inform him of a hospital appointment, an admission in an emergency or when further investigations are required for quite worrying life affecting conditions.
The paperwork also contains absolute lies and it's just more to deal with on top of the health side of things.

[Betterbuckleupbarbara]

@bus74 sadly this is standard operating procedure for abusive men.

The court document should have instructions of whether you are to attend, as details of when and where.

You can call them, surprisingly they do answer!

You do not have to respond to his messages either, no matter how triggering they are. In time you will just view it as tiresome, I promise, although right now I can imagine the stress you must be feeling.

[bus74]

@Betterbuckleupbarbara do the courts see this behaviour though? i read so many stories where these awfully abusive men who weaponise the children get awarded all kinds of unfettered access with no responsibility.
i know my acton's and motivations are totally embedded in the overall best interests and safety of the boys but it feels like as long as the father turns up he gets whatever he demands
and the cumulative risk and impact of years of attrition are dismissed.
i agree with a relationship with their father in principle but it needs to be safe, beneficial to them and have appropriate boundaries in place to ensure it's about them but their fathers ambitions to crush their mother.

[easilydistracted1]

I'm afraid you really must attend the hearing. He should have given you a copy of the application he has made and you should ask his solicitor for that and the order listing the hearing and urgent notice of the date. If you cannot find any way to attend you need to urgently contact the court and provide a really good reason for asking for a postponement. But courts are quite slow in responding to things like applications to postpone. Are you sure you won't qualify for legal aid on the basis of domestic abuse? If you get in touch with a local domestic abuse charity they might be able to signpost you to someone who can offer initial legal advice including telling you the likelihood of getting legal aid. If you can't get a solicitor in time you could go in person and apply for a postponement to seek legal advice and explain your child's care needs and the short time means you haven't been able to get it so far. But it's up to the judge. The court will look at interim contact

[TickingKey46]

It took years of court hearing but with the help of a cafcass guardian (not your normal cafcass officer). My children no longer have contact with their abusive and emotionally unstable father. You only hear the bad side of the family courts (I've had many hearings that I also felt the courts hadn't safeguarded the children) but with firm evidence and independence witnesses giving evidence and a cafcass guardian, he was seen for what he is.
You could ask for the hearing to be remote? So you were able to attend via your laptop. Or you could write to the courts explaining and they should prospone the hearing.

[bus74]

just to update. court was scary but the judge was eminently sensible and i felt they understood the situation and made fair decisions. a few surprises for the other parties solicitor as he hasn't been open and honest. hopefully the full hearing will be equally as sensible and balanced.

[TickingKey46]

Well that's good news. That's all you can ask for, a sensible and well balanced judge.

[PurpleBugz]

Glad to hear you had a good judge. Hopefully you keep the same judge throughout

[easilydistracted1]

@bus74 glad you had a good hearing it did sound like the other solicitor and not done everything they could have and it's good the judge saw through it. Good to hear your positive experience it can be challenging to argue for no contact even when you are the Guardian @TickingKey46