I'm on the edge

[howaboutthistime]

Someone please help me.

My 14 year old son is making my life so miserable, I don't want to wake up each morning and face another day.

He plays terrible mind games with me, he told me he does it to be spiteful. He's told me I'm not worth it and I feel like the worst mother and the biggest failure ever despite me trying so very hard to give him lovely opportunities in life and trying to make him happy. He says I'm too strict so I back off then I'm told I'm not strict enough. He lies A LOT. He plays this game where we're having a conversation, he then repeats something I just said immediately followed by he can't remember what I've just said. It's bizarre. I try to ignore this behaviour but I just don't understand why he feels he has to do this, eventually it gets to me. I want him to stop, he won't stop, he has a kind of smirk on his face, he knows what he's doing. Is it a control thing, is it for attention? Maybe I am too blame. And yes I shouldn't let it get to me, I'm the adult and it's not even the sentence that's the issue, it's what lies behind this behaviour. At the moment we're not really taking to each other, it feels like the love has gone and I don't know how to get it back, he's slipping away from me and I'm going to lose him for good. How do I deal with these feelings. I don't want to hug and kiss him anymore, I don't feel I know him, I'm so broken

[howaboutthistime]

Wow no-one has the kindest to even reply

[Mementomorissons]

I don't think active conversations are showing up as normal today, this only just appeared in my feed.

I have no advice to offer I'm sorry, but I totally sympathise as I used to work in education and some of the teens really got me down with behaviour like this. The difference is I think that you are a mother, not a teacher, so you can definitely give more of an impactful punishment and consequence. Another benefit you have as a parent is that you're totally in charge. It sounds like he is bullying you so don't let him. When he starts this strange power game just say "I'm not gonna talk to you when you're being like this".

[stargazer02]

Teenage years are very difficult for many people. I'm sorry it's so difficult for you.

We had a rough time due to some undiagnosed learning difficulties that made DD extremely frustrated and angry. She was really just scared and felt like noone cared because she wasn't being supported in a way that was meaningful to her. (I felt like I was supporting her, but once I found out how to do it better, our relationship has been fantastic despite her having some extreme challenges in her life)

From what you say it sounds like a power struggle with your DS. I have no advice I'm afraid. I'm sure teenage boys are a whole different ball game. Are there any positive male role models in his life- his dad? Or through family, youth club, sports teams, school?

[itsmyp4rty]

Maybe he needs to feel you're confident and in control because that will make him feel secure. He's messing with you because he needs you to be strong and confident and he's testing you to see if you are. Honestly teens can smell fear/anxiety/uncertainty/weakness a mile off I swear!

Decide on fair, reasonable boundaries and consequences and stick with them consistently. Be clear and consistent, firm but fair. It's a difficult age so just keep communicating and weather the storm!

[Felicia19]

You are the adult, and you need to start putting consequences in place for this behaviour.

Make it very clear that he either stops and starts treating you with respect, or you stop the things he likes - cooking, laundry, taking him to places.

[teable]

have you looked into any support for parents of teens? sometimes school can help you access it, or your local council may have advice about courses, support groups etc.

[Newtoniannechanics]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/teenagers/4910229-just-a-friendly-hand-hold-for-any-other-mums-of-teens-part-2?page=17&reply=132629498


Come and join us on here. You are not alone.

[EarringsandLipstick]

I'm sorry OP 💐

I have teen boys too, and I'm also a single parent.

My boys have lovely, funny moments but have also behaved very badly on occasion (great outside the house, in school).

It's not quite the same but I've got elements of sniggering, provoking behaviour. I think it is a control issue & testing boundaries.

It's not easy but he needs a really clear conversation about the impact of this behaviour on you, and clear consequences.

This needs repeating quite a bit. If it's more than this, you may need some support / therapy.

It's a really challenging age, 14 & does improve.

[Shiningout]

Stop changing your approach, going from strict to soft etc depending on his behaviour. He sounds like he's enjoying the control he currently has.