My daughter was unwell today, nothing major, just a headache and tummy ache so I didn't send her to school . I rang my sister and asked if she could come over for a while to keep on eye on her whilst I went to work, daughter was very happy with this. I let her Dad know this evening that she had been unwell but he is furious I didn't ring him and ask him to look after daughter here at the house whilst I was at work. He also had to work, and would have already been at work, so would have had to have taken a day off, he doesn't live locally and I don't really want him spending the day here whilst I'm out. I don't trust him not to go through my stuff.
Am I right not to have rung him or should I be informing him everytime one of the children is unwell, first thing in the morning and asking him to come here for the day to look after them? I wouldn't have been able to take daughter to his as it would have caused me problems with work taking time off work to get her there and she wouldn't have wanted to go whilst unwell. He hates anyone else looking after them, even for 20 minutes, and as legally he still owns the former marital home jointly with me he feels it is his space to come and go as he wants (he moved out nearly 3 years ago and I have been paying all bills and mortgage since then no fell I should be able to have privacy in my own home). The house will go on the market soon and once I have a new home, I think he will still expect to be asked to spend the day there looking after them if I am at work but I don't want him in my new space once I have moved.
What do you do if your children are unwell? Do you only ever ask their Dad to look after them or do friends/family help out?
Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.
Lone parents
Ex looking after ill child in your house? Would you let him?
NeedSleepNow · 29/01/2024 19:27
TheSnowyOwl · 30/01/2024 22:00
What would your child prefer? If she has a good relationship with you both then he is probably one of the two people she would want with her most when unwell. I wouldn’t want him in my house though, so I can understand your logic there.
I don’t think you have any obligation whilst she is under your care but think about it the other way. Would you want to know if she was unwell and have the opportunity to be with her if she was staying at her dad’s house or would you be ok with one of his friends looking after her instead?
GingerIsBest · 30/01/2024 23:14
I think that in the perfect world, letting him have the option to look after an ill DC is the best choice. BUT, I don't think you are under any obligation to allow him into your home. And reading between the lines, I assume he was controlling and abusive? So it's perfectly reasonable not to want him there.
As he has moved out and you are paying the bills, no, he has no right to wonder into the house. Just like any landlord can't just come and go as he pleases. I'd contact your solicitor and get some advice on that.
DelphiniumBlue · 30/01/2024 23:20
Next time you could ask him to come and pick her up and look after her at his place. Or drop her there-if your work place can be flexible. Presumably they would prefer you to be late rather than take unscheduled leave?
I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Ex to want to look after his own sick child, but it doesn’t have to be at your house. If he can’t collect her, then maybe that arrangement can’t work for you, but you could make him the first call .
Cantalever · 30/01/2024 23:22
Echoing previous poster about his coming into the house. He may own it, partly or wholly but that is not the point. It is your home, and you don't have to accept anyone coming in uninvited. Just as a landlord can't just come in whenever they feel like it. if this is an issue, get advice from solicitor.
NeedSleepNow · 30/01/2024 23:30
Thanks @Cantalever , unfortunately he could legally move back in tomorrow if he wanted as we jointly own the property. The sooner we can get a financial settlement agreed and the house sold the better. I desperately need a house that is mine now, not his.
Cantalever · 30/01/2024 23:22
Echoing previous poster about his coming into the house. He may own it, partly or wholly but that is not the point. It is your home, and you don't have to accept anyone coming in uninvited. Just as a landlord can't just come in whenever they feel like it. if this is an issue, get advice from solicitor.
GingerIsBest · 30/01/2024 23:40
I honestly don't' understand this. That' like saying that if I rent a house, th landlord can just move in and hang with me whenever he wants? He's not paying the bills, and it's not his home.
Has your solicitor said that he can come back whenever he likes?
NeedSleepNow · 30/01/2024 23:30
Thanks @Cantalever , unfortunately he could legally move back in tomorrow if he wanted as we jointly own the property. The sooner we can get a financial settlement agreed and the house sold the better. I desperately need a house that is mine now, not his.
Cantalever · 30/01/2024 23:22
Echoing previous poster about his coming into the house. He may own it, partly or wholly but that is not the point. It is your home, and you don't have to accept anyone coming in uninvited. Just as a landlord can't just come in whenever they feel like it. if this is an issue, get advice from solicitor.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.