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Original poster

How to take child abroad as a single parent when no contact with Father?

29 replies

Starabella · 29/12/2023 20:24

Hello, I'm looking for some advice.

I would love to take my son abroad this year, preferably to the USA. Looking it up, I keep reading that you are supposed to have writtem permission from the other parent, if they have parental responsibility. My son's father walked out on us when he was 6 weeks old, have never seen or heard from since- my son is now 10 years old. Technically, he still has parental responsibility though! There is no way for me to contact him, he does not even live in the same country anymore. I tried a couple of times when he was a toddler and he never replied to any of my correspondence.

I have actually been abroad(Europe) with him several times since he was a baby and never had any problems before, never even gave it a second thought but somehow the thought of taking him to the USA and being questioned or sent back is filling me with anxiety!

I have read something about requiring a court order? Has anybody any advice on how to go about obtaining this? Does it cost much? And will I need one everytime I want to go abroad or is it just a one time thing? Will i need his contact details? I hate that he's still got control over our lives all these years later :-(

Thanks!

OP posts:
Baghelpplease · 29/12/2023 20:31

I had parental rights removed at court. But am pretty sure you can just explain the situation?
Does he have the same surname as you? I think it is extremely unlikely anything would come up, but if it did then your child is old enough to explain that you are his only parent.

Original poster
Starabella · 29/12/2023 20:41

Luckily, he has the same surname as me and could easily explain that he does not know his dad, it's just I keep reading that you are supposed to have written permission from parent with parental responsibility and I keep thinking "what if they ask me?"

OP posts:
myphoneisbroken · 29/12/2023 20:56

I have taken my DC abroad loads of times, we have different surnames. I have never been asked for a letter from their father.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 29/12/2023 21:00

I have the same surname as my child and have been questioned, its the luck of the draw unfortunately. 99% chance you'll have no issues but if you do you need paperwork.

weasle · 29/12/2023 21:23

myphoneisbroken · 29/12/2023 20:56

I have taken my DC abroad loads of times, we have different surnames. I have never been asked for a letter from their father.

Same here.

Actually I think once a border guard asked my DS who I was and he said Mummy and all was fine. He was younger than 10yo.

TeddyBeans · 29/12/2023 21:28

You are supposed to have permission. I'd get a court order stating your son lives with you and you have permission to take him out of the country by the court. It's the simplest and probably easiest way to ensure you don't come across any issues and you'll only need to do it once

MintJulia · 29/12/2023 21:29

I have travelled without a letter, but I also wrote & posted a letter to myself 'granting me permission' which was accepted.

I was questioned once and my 8yo ds simply saying 'that's Mummy & we're going home' was sufficient for the Border Force man.

It's an absurd law.

Wooloohooloo · 29/12/2023 21:29

I took DS abroad a few times and never got questioned- same surname.

Comeonmommy · 29/12/2023 21:52

We have travelled with my daughter (same name as me) but also my stepdaughter who has a different name to her dad and never been questioned - that includes Europe and Australia

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 29/12/2023 21:58

When I was with my ex we took my DD (different surname to me) and DSS (different surname to exdp) abroad every year, the only time we were questioned was once when we were coming home at border control at Leeds Bradford airport.
Did, bless her, said "we're a blended family"
If you're really concerned could you apply to remove his PR?

Original poster
Starabella · 29/12/2023 22:43

Thanks for all the replies, I know it's a mixed bag and hit or miss if we get stopped, just really don't want it to be on this trip! I also don't want to feel an anxiety and like I'm doing something wrong every time I want to take my son on holiday.

I thought removing parental responsibility was near nigh impossible? Would they take into account the amount of time he's been absent? As terrible as this sounds, I do wonder if he's still alive, as he had addiction issues. He only had the one sister and not sure if she would even contact me if something had happened :-(

OP posts:
Pandax3 · 29/12/2023 22:57

Technically you need permission from your child's father to take your son out of the jurisdiction. Obviously you may or may not be asked as you leave the country, but it's a risk nonetheless.

You can go to court and get a child arrangement order that specifies your DS lives with you and then you would be able to take him out of the country for up to one month without needing permission.

AmazingDayz · 29/12/2023 23:06

Since when can you “apply to remove PR” in the uk? Never heard of that being a “thing”

its not an absurd law it’s the prevent child abduction which could happen with the father removing the child from the country. It works both ways. Doesn’t take into account absent parents though.

Baghelpplease · 30/12/2023 08:26

You go to court and explain the reasoning - in my case domestic violence and the fact he had abandoned my child. The judge then removes the parental rights. Yes, I understand that generally it is difficult if eg the person is still in the child's life and even if they are extremely abusive etc, the court will be reluctant to remove the parental rights. However in my case, and sounds like in the OP's case, it was straightforward.

@AmazingDayz

Baghelpplease · 30/12/2023 08:27

If I was you I would go speak to a family solicitor OP, ask around and see if you can get a recommendation.

OhamIreally · 14/01/2024 09:52

If you suspect he may be dead you could look up the death record online I think OP.

It is an odd law in practice though, I do understand that it's to prevent child abduction but what would happen if you said he was dead? Would they expect you to produce a death certificate?

startatthegin · 14/01/2024 09:55

Speak to a solicitor. They will explain the "no order principle" and make you feel better and confident to travel. Enjoy your trip.

cheezncrackers · 14/01/2024 09:58

I was once asked 'Where's Dad?' when I travelled between the US and UK when DS1 was a baby and it was just the two of us travelling, but the agent was very accepting of my answer and didn't question me further. I think they're pretty good at telling if you're lying or not. Just be honest. They're not unreasonable people and, chances are, they won't ask anyway.

Vanillabourbon · 15/01/2024 13:44

startatthegin · 14/01/2024 09:55

Speak to a solicitor. They will explain the "no order principle" and make you feel better and confident to travel. Enjoy your trip.

I have just briefly read about this but how would this help you if you got stopped and asked for a letter of proof etc?

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 15/01/2024 13:56

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

In your position, I'd obtain proper legal advice. Particularly as the US is one of the stricter countries regarding consent.

Get permission to take a child abroad

Permission from parents and courts to take a child on holiday abroad and avoid abduction

https://www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Britinme · 15/01/2024 14:12

I live in the USA and recently brought my DGD over to the UK for a ten day visit without her parents. I duly got a notarised letter from her parents giving me permission (we don't have the same surname) but nobody asked to see it, either at Newark or at Heathrow, in either direction.

startatthegin · 15/01/2024 14:45

Vanillabourbon · 15/01/2024 13:44

I have just briefly read about this but how would this help you if you got stopped and asked for a letter of proof etc?

Show quote history

You have a copy of birth cert proving you have PR, explain the 'no order principle' and how you're returning the child to the UK.

bobomomo · 15/01/2024 14:50

You can get permission to travel from the courts, it is also possible to get parental rights removed but there has to be a very good reason (going on holiday isn't reason enough!)

The USA is fairly hot compared to many - it's a bit of chance but I get lectured going in and out of the USA and Heathrow on multiple occasions when mine were tiny (despite having a letter!) I also was stopped with dd going into Canada when she was 17Hmm

Original poster
Starabella · 17/01/2024 12:06

OK, so I'm looking now to gain a residents order from the court which will allow me to take him abroad legally.

I know I could just risk it and probably won't get stopped or questioned but it's stressful enough travelling as a single parent, I just want one less thing to have to worry about!

Hoping the process is quick and pain free!

OP posts:
startatthegin · 17/01/2024 13:43

Starabella · 17/01/2024 12:06

OK, so I'm looking now to gain a residents order from the court which will allow me to take him abroad legally.

I know I could just risk it and probably won't get stopped or questioned but it's stressful enough travelling as a single parent, I just want one less thing to have to worry about!

Hoping the process is quick and pain free!

Have you spoken to a lawyer? The court may refuse to issue due to the "no order principle". Unless you can prove you've had problems travelling without the order, depending on the judge, it might be a waste of time/money applying for a residence order if no one is questioning residence.

Please, discuss with an experienced family lawyer before wasting any money/time.

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