Have I lost my marbles,or what?

[tetti]

Right,have been single for 3 months after the father of my child,and partner of 12 years left.
I had completely gone off sex for the last 2 years of our relationship,and simply thought that that side of me was gone and buried forever!I felt nothing,and came up with any excuse I could not to sleep with him!
Then I saw a guy where I do my shopping and whoah! Don't ask me what happened there,but I felt such an intense attraction to the guy that it almost floored me!lol

We'd been flirting badly for the last 2 months or so,and even more so since he found out that I was no longer with my ex!
Now,eventually,well,today(!) I just thought-What the heck!,and gave him my number and just said to give me a ring sometime.

What is the problem? Well,I am pretty sure this guy has to be at least 10 years younger than me!
I do look alot younger than my age (often get asked-It must be so hard to be such a young mum,when I 'm in fact in my early 30's!,so they must think I'm in my early 20's or something!),and I guess this guy would probably run a mile if he knew my actual age!lol

It is ok for a guy in his early 30's to go out with a woman in her early 20's,no one would raise an eyebrow,but when the woman is older than the man?

Has anyone else got any experience of dating a younger guy,would you go for it,or just forget it?
I dk how I'd raise my age with him,I don't feel my age at all,but just saying my age makes me feel so old!lol

[lou33]

my exh was the same,in fact it is the reason our relationship is now so frosty, because he wouldnt stay out of my private business after we split

wrt how long you wait, i guess it depends on how you would feel if he did bugger off after the first shag, sometimes you want to them to disappear lol

seriously tho i'm not and never have been convinced by the theory that the longer you make them wait , the more likely they are to stick about. You wont know that until it's happened really, as he could seem the most decent bloke on earth, agree with everything you say about waiting etc, but was really just saying what you wanted to hear to quicken the journey to your bed. You just have to go with when it feels ok to you and sod everyone else

i've slept with men on the first date, some have become long term relationships, others havent

that's life, it's a learning curve and i certainly dont feel used by them, in fact most of them i didnt see again because i didnt want to lol

[tetti]

True,something occured to me yesterday,I slept with my ex on our first date,and we lasted just over 12 years!hmmm,lol
The thing is,I do feel that the initial physical atttraction to this guy is stronger than it was with my ex at first.Sure,I did really fancy him back then obviously,but it wasn't-I need to rip his clothes off now kind of thing!lol
This guy I have fancied for ages,and to finally have him that close is like-Whoah!:-)

I'll email you this eve misspudding,thank's.x

[lou33]

then just take it as a physical thing and have some fun while you can

[tetti]

I have got it sooo bad!
I am at that awful stage where you just stare at the phone wishing for it to ring,I soo hate that!
Ok,we met Mond,sent each other txt's tuesd,weds,today I briefly dropped into his work as I had to do my shopping,and he looked very happy to see me,but he hasn't rung this eve.
It is ridicilous,I know,it really is.
He sent me a txt yesterday morning,saying he'd come around in the week,but in the meantime I am going nuts!
I don't want to send him any more texts or ring him as I don't want to seem clingy and then put him off.I know that is a huge turn off for men.
I just hate it when you dk what's going to happen,if it's going to happen,and if so when! (I told you I got it bad!lol)
How can you want someone so much that it hurts physically?!

[lou33]

its called lust

great isnt it?

[tetti]

He sent me a txt yesterday,basically saying that he didn't want to mess me around,but he wasn't looking for a relationship or anything serious,but if I wanted friendship and something casual..Tha was totally cool with me..
Having just come out of such a very long relationship,I mean,over 12 years,I just aren't ready to get heavy again!
So,casual safe fun when we both feel like it basically,which suits us both.
He asked if he could come round,and omg,what is it with young men?
Do they have rechargeable duracell batteries inplanted in them?! 3 hours,I am soo worn out!
It is really funny,but afterwards he just didn't want to leave,he was ready again!haha
So,I think it's very safe to say we'll meet up again,lol

The great thing is that he hates plastic surgery,he thinks a woman looks her best when she is 40 (and I'm 33),and can't understand why women are afraid to age (and there I was worrying about my lines and flat chest!lol)
Here's to fun!

[lou33]

ime with younger men (and i have quite a lot lol) they really like older women , i think it's the confidence we have as we get older,it appeals to them

none of them have ever made me feel awkward about my body either, tho actually i am not that self conscious about it

it's surprising how many blokes have dated women a fair bit older than themselves

the one i am kind of casually seeing is just under 11 yrs younger than me, the majority of women he has dated have all been older, he says the younger ones bore him as they are too vaccuous

suits me

[tetti]

Exactly!
He told me that he doesn't like younger women as they immediately wants something serious and becomes clingy (I was like that when I was much younger too,haven't we all,lol)

But when you are more mature you know yourself better,you are not always as needy,and I think that is what appeals to some younger men.
I think it's great seeing someone just for fun,when you meet you know what the score is,you aren't talking bills,household chores etc,all the usual passion killers in a longterm relationship,lol,you are just there to enjoy eachother,great!

I also don't sit staring at the phone now (like I did yesterday).Now I know what we both want,and now I got rid of my frustrations (for now,I'll probably ask him to come over next week again!lol),then my jitters and insecurity's gone.

[Tinkerbel5]

Make sure you use protection until you are sure of his sexual history but most of all just have fun, keep it light and casual and nejoy the good times, you never know it might turn ito something more in the longrun, you lucky thing 3 hours !!

[tetti]

Oh yes,I wouldn't go near him without protection,not only beacuse I have no idea where he's been so to speak,but I also definetly do not want to become pregnant(!)

Oh yes,3 hours,my god,that's different to the 5 mins that I had been used to for the past few years at the very least!lol
I just looked at the clock and got the chock of my life,3 hrs!?!, what the...lol
And then he still wasn't tired? I am glad it's casual or I couldn't keep up!haha

It was ages ago since I had to cope on only 2 hrs sleep before going up to work,a lot of diet cokes are helping me to stay alert today!lol

[lou33]

i think i might go away overnight tomorrow with my younger man, will be fun not having the kids about

[tetti]

You lucky one!lol,that would be a dream for me,uninterupted and not having to listen out for -Mummy!(the biggest passionkiller on earth!)

Am still shattered,went to bed at 7 pm last night!
Trying not to think about when I'll see this guy again and just keep busy.
It is casual after all,so I don't want to allow myself to think too much about him..(can be a bit tricky,but that's the way it has to be)

[lou33]

lol

not sure if it will happen or not tho, might try and make alternate plans just in case

[tetti]

I wish you all the best if it happens,you lucky so and so!lol

I sent the toyboy a txt yesterday,saying that "last night was gr8,and that I am definetly a 100 percent totally cool with casual fun,no strings"(just as we agreed before we met up,and that we should just give eachother a ring if we feel like meeting up.
He did not respond all day,so I sent him a txt today,asking if he was ok?
He answered the txt one minute later,saying he'd call me very soon!(with lots of xxx at the end)
Now,I wonder if I might have "stumped him" a little bit by my previous txt (by being so cool).
It seems like by being like that,one makes them more keen,doesn't it?(or perhaps a little worried that you'll be the one who'll drop them at the "drop of a hat")
I do think that after we had sex,I left him more keen than he'd been before the event(which can't be a bad thing,smile)
Oh,these mindgames,eh?

[lou33]

it's on

i hadnt heard so i made other plans and told him i had another offer for tonight

he called 15 mins later , lol

[tetti]

Xlent,enjoy!

I've just had such a shitty time!
My ex came over to see our daughter,and asked if he could stay round her on Mond(I suppose his gf is going out or something).
I said I'm not sure as I dk my plans yet.
He flipped!
-Well,you need to make plans,you're being selfish,you have a daughter!I am just asking to sleep on the couch for one night.Well,if you are going to be like that I want the money for that lot of shopping I did for you last week,and for your mobilephone bill (he said not to worry about the last one as we were getting some money back from our old electricity supplier,and he'd take the money off that).

I cannot believe it,why is he being such an arse?!
He knows I am seeing someone ,albeit casually,and it seems he hates it.But come on,he has a girlfriend,the woman who he left me for,the woman he's going away with nxt weekend,and who'm he's spending xmas with.
He sees our daughter for a few hrs every Sat,that's all.Who's being selfish,me?Nah,don't think so.
he's lost all control over my life and he hates it,well,tough!

[lou33]

ah yes this happens, my exh was the same

he comes out with the odd bit of bullshit still, i just tell him to sue me lol

[tetti]

Well,I was asleep and had forgotten to put my phone on silent,and at 3.30 am it rang!
It was him,thinking that I was asleep,he was just going to leave a message on my vm,saying he'd call later(he'd been out and celebrated a family bday and just got it)
He got a bit of a chock when I answered,but we ended up talking for a while,he was pining and asked if he could come over,a little bit late,I said,but he's coming over this eve (I mean,if you want me to?he asked in a worried tone of voice,wow,maybe he's starting to like me?lol)

He wouldn't even mind coming earlier in the day,and spend some time with me and my daughter(he has loads of siblings,so very good w kids),but I said no,that he should come after she's asleep.
I do NOT want to confuse her,I don't want her to get attached to him if he then dissapears of the scen.
I know that she likes him alot,so it just wouldn't be good for her to know I am seeing him,I have to keep the two separate,had we been serious it would have been another thing...

After we had spoken last night he sent a txt saying he couldn't wait to....,wow,he's a hot guy!lol
Have a feeling I'll be shattered tomorrow,but it'll be well worth it!

[lou33]

well i hope you have fun

[tetti]

Hope you weekend went well lou33:-)

I didn't have a great start to mine...
Well,yesterday eve he came over at 9,he said-You are looking different!
I went-What?!
He went on-You are looking really nice tonight,well you always do,but you look really special tonight..and he couldn't stop looking at me(I was like,whoah!)
Anyway,we talked for ages,then one thing lead to another of course(as expected).
He asked me about the pill,and I said that unless we're making this a regular thing that wouldn't be happening,and just told him I'd leave that decision with him,but didn't ask for an answer there and then.
Then this morning I was a complete idiot,we had no condoms left,and what do we do?Idiots!!!
He did the old withdrawal method,but apart from risk of pregnancy there are other risks involved too,but we totally lost control,how stupid can one be?
I just went and got the morning after pill...

I kind of feel teary this morning,it all went well,and we really can talk about anything and everything under the sun,and he's told me so much about himself and his life yesterday,from childhood up to now.
But as he said from the beginning (before we actually first had sex),he didn't want a relationship or anything serious,and I agreed.
As I said before,I've just come out of a v long relationship,and I do not want to be tied down.
But the more time I spend with him(we've met 3 times over the last 7 days),the more I get to know him I get to like him.
I knew the risks involved in beginning to sleep with him,but I really do fear that I may really fall for him,and it's really doing my head in.
I cannnot let it on if that happens as that is not what we planned or agreed on happening,casual only it was.I really have to play it cool.
I secretly hope that he will fall for me,but I am stupid if I think that would happen.I just have to enjoy it while I can I guess...

[misspudding]

Hi Tetti. How are you feeling? Just got back my blardy internet connection and read your posts. Take it easy... x

[tetti]

Thank's:-)

Tbh,I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed and worried about my feelings for this guy.I knew this would happen!
Thing is,I knew from the start casual is what he wanted and I thought I could handle it.
It's just that spending so much time with him makes me confused.
I am not going to call him or anything,he can chase me...

[misspudding]

That's a good idea! Overwhelmed is the word, it is how I feel at the mo... My bf has been staying at my house recently. He has a house (rented), but there is barely anything in it. I keep telling him to go to second hand shops to get basic things such as a fridge, cooker etc... but tbh, it looks like he is waiting for things to happen...I know he hasn't got a lot of money, but I am starting to feel 'used' in a way and it's not healthy. It will be a lot better when both of us can have our own space (have been on my own for a very long time, so I get claustrophobic!).
I must talk to him tonight...

[tetti]

These things are sooo hard,aren't they?
Yes,I'd def have a talk to him tonight if I were you,as you don't want to start to resent him.I hope it goes well for you,let me know how it went,you know my eamil if you'd like to chat:-)

I just cannot believe that I really start to have feelings for this guy.
It's soo much easier for men to do the casual thing without getting emotionally involved,they can just separate sex and emotions,but I am finding it harder as it goes on!

[misspudding]

Thanks Tetti
I'll let you know.. I don't know how men's brains work sometimes, we are definitely form f=different planets!!!