Back story . Mum of 2 ex left me out of the blue 2.5 years ago. For the first year we were very amicable. We would attend parents evenings, celebrate birthdays and christmas. He would see the kids whenever and would have facetime contact sometimes twice a day.. I was completly heartbroken and convinced myself we could work things out. Anyway he began a new relationship with a much younger girl (16 years younger than himself). I went through the heartbreak all over again. Slowly but shorly he started not wanting the kids as much. He would say he has had them once that week so he wouldnt have them at the weekend. He would not answer my calls and would often ignore messages. Like our eldest sending him pictures of the first tooth he lost etc acompanied by voicemessages. Our eldest is now 7.5 and has had a very turbulent couple of years, he is academically 3 years behind his peers and alot of support has been required at home. I involved family support and they made attempts to contact dad whom sadly ignored. Things got so bad for me with my mental health at one stage that I would just lie in bed as soon as I took the kids to school and remain there until I had to pick them up. It would drive me crazy that he would not reply to me. I would ask when he next wanted the kids or I would try to speak to him regarding our sons issues. Often ending in me being very frustrated with him and calling him selfish. So I blocked him from what's app so that I couldn't check if he had read the message. So that I would stop driving myself crazy after a couple of weeks I finally rang him near our sons birthday to ask him if he wanted to see him, he wasnt even aware of a block because he hadn't tried to get in contact . During this time he was going weeks at a time without even a message to the kids. He was not having them over night. He wasnt taking them for tea he just stopped . I tried to reach out to his mother to see if she would have a word and she said no but agreed that he seemed to have made his choice. I tried with his sister who agreed situation had got bad and we was to put in an every other weekend as a start but with a view for weeknight stays too plan in place. He turned up that weekend and had the children for one night. Our son was subsequently poorly and when I reached out to ask him to look after him for a couple of hours as I was unable to take him to a safeguarding lecture he ignored me. I got mad and told him that he was selfish and it was about time he put his kids first, told this to his new gf too, I would have understood if he was so busy at work ( he can actually take kids to work with him) but to ignore me it wasnt on. With that I was told by her that he wasnt selfish as he had just taken her out for tea to cheer her up, and that he had "YOUR" kids yesterday so dont make out that he doesnt care. I just left that as it was. The next time he was to have them on his weekend he never showed up. The weekend after (my weekend) I had made plans with them ,my dad was visiting us and we do not see him alot. He asked to have them, and I said it's not your weekend. AGAIN, His weekend came around and he didn't show up.
Therefore in the last year the kids have slept at their dads only the once. I have asked for regular contact to be arranged because the kids need to know what's going one especially our eldest who needs certainty. I have tried to reach out and I have been ignored. He asked to have them in september and I said that was fine but I wanted to know the next time he would have them and he would or could not answer so he never had them . This is not because I wanted to be mean but because the children need continuity our eldest certainly does, he can have aggressive outbursts, he can run away, he can cry, he sometimes doesnt eat, gets so anxious, if he isnt aware of what's going on.
Their dad visits the children when they go for the occasional weekend at grand parents he will visit on a sunday after lunch and leave before tea.
He has done nothing about having access anymore. I have started the process of mediation to try and work through it as I want the kids to see their dad.
He promised the kids christmas presents were waiting for them when they got back from a xmas holiday,he emailed them on xmas day but as of yet the kids haven't received a present nor seen him and I haven't recieved and correspondence either.
The other day in had a meeting at the school about my son and I had invited his granny to come and when we left I informed her of the mediation and she had a go at me saying it's my fault for being abusive and blocking him (for one month on what's app he was informed of that but also given my email and home address if he wanted to get in contact) (he has blocked me from texting, ringing, what's app, all social media, changed his number and not informed school, ) She said she doesnt see how me going to mediation will help and that my kids are suffering. I cant help but feel guilty for all of this now. Is it my fault?
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Is it all my fault?
10 replies
Toomanyapplesinabarrelofgrapes · 30/01/2020 22:39
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