DNA Result. Should i tell the parental family

[laurajayne3]

Long story short I had a 3some with someone I was seein for a few years and his friend. There's a lot behind that story but I won't go into it. Anyway I prayed he was going to be the guys I was seein. 18 months later a dna has shown he's not. Apparently he's told his friend and he said he wants nothing to do with him. I would prefer to have the conversation with him directly and not through my ex as he is a compulsive liar. But that said I can imagine his friend would say that. My question is should I tell his family? I don't have any phone numbers for him, but I do know his sister's name on Facebook. He won't want me to tell them. And I don't want to stir any unnessary drama or feel like I'm begging something when he's said he wants nothing to do with the baby. Would I look stupid and desperate to do this? I don't feel like i have any right as I don't know them. And we were never ever together. I was with his friend. And I'm pretty sure he's on And off with his other kids mum. And it's his family not mine. I don't want to look like some desperate stalker. But I would like my son to have as much family as possible. If they wanted to obviously. Do you think his family would want to know as they would be his grandparents and aunty. Or am I just best leaving it? Thanks

[MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo]

You know the truth Laura and in time you will find the right words to tell your son what you want him to know. I'm sorry they've reacted like that but it's done, you can tell him you tried, and you can move on knowing that you can be enough for him. Keep your ex out of your life and move on my lovely x

[Louw12345]

I cant believe his sister blocked you. I hope his mother has something about her to get intouch with you.

If that was my son I would rather lose him then lose my grandchild.

It doesn't matter if u are a slag or not your his baby's mother support is support end of.

I hope you save all messages he sends you and don't reply to any of the messages either.

You have done what you needed to for your child, and very bravely to.

[GlitteryFluff]

Oh I'm sorry op.
At least you tried.
They might rethink and get back in touch.
You've done everything you can

[laurajayne3]

I wasn't able to do a dna sooner as he wasn't around. I'm not going to look for any financial help. I don't think he has money on paper. And it's not worth the stress of any threats that may come of it x

[GreenTulips]

Well there you go - you've rial let lost nothing have you? If his family can treat a baby in this fashion they aren't worth having around.

I hope you are ignoring the texts from him and do the decent thing and get some financial support as recognition of his donaship

[GerrytheBerry]

You've only just thought to do a dna now?

[laurajayne3]

He's apparently told his mum baby's not his. She said he is (I think he must look like his others) he said I'm not bothered dont want nothing to do with him. So she's said right I won't either then x

[laurajayne3]

Well she's blocked me now. Which I kinda expected as I knew when she was replying she hadn't spoke to him. He's since sent me a load of abuse And threats. And from what he's said I think he's probably told his sister im some sort of Slag. Which really isn't fair when I didn't even want to sleep with him. Making out im a Slag that's slept around. But at least it's done with now and I know and can move forward x

[C0untDucku1a]

I do hope this works out for you

[Dexywexy]

That's great, you have got the result you had hoped for. You must be pleased. I hope it all works out for you and your son.

[laurajayne3]

I understand the fact I don't know his family. I Just have a feeling they're not bad like him. Even if they didn't ever see my baby. I don't think they're the same. I know first hand through my uncle being a bit of a wrongen to not judge a whole family on one person's actions. I think they'll either see him or they won't. I can't see how a situation would arise where the would see him and it be horrible for my son. And if it did I have the power to stop contact. Especially while he's too young to really know that there was a couple of people he saw a few times and now he doesn't see them. And I highly doubt the dad would change his mind and ever dream of fighting for custody. He's too much of a wrongen and doesn't even have himself together. Never mind want to share custody of a child x

[GlitteryFluff]

Ah that's fab news so far op. I bet it's a weight off your mind.

[laurajayne3]

TwattyCatty - I usually would use proper correct words if I waa in work. I think because it was social media I automatically used text slang. It was the furthest from my mind. But I would hardly say unreadable. If it was someone from an older generation maybe I would have thought about it more. But his sister is young and would text like that herself, as every person I know uses text slang. I think considering the situation it's the most least important thing and I'm pretty convinced not even a thought in her head. But to say I would treat something so important so casually? I've been brought 2 years of councilling and therapy by what mainly was what my ex did that night. So to say I would treat this situation so casually over a few texting slang words is horrible

[laurajayne3]

Yes she has messaged back now. She said it's a shock but of course they would want to see him. I said it's a bit awkward etc messaging out the blue and the fact he doesn't want to know. She said she's glad I told her as her brother probably never would have. And she's going to speak to her mum when she's gets home and hopefully sort something and asked for a couple pics. I'm obviously wary. They could speak to him in the meantime and he tells them to not see the baby and they do what he says. But for her sayin he probably would never have told them I gather that to mean she knows what he's like and knows he the type of person to ignore his child. But we'll see. Thank you everyone. It means alot. I appreciate it loads xxx

[MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo]

Yes clearly you can deduce from my thinking that the message is more important than how it is put across that I have no decent standard of behaviour. WELL DONE YOU.

Laura back to he important bit. Has she replied? Remember that whatever happens you are enough for your son

[Dexywexy]

Have you had a reply yet OP or is it too soon? I think you were brave to send the message. You are doing what you believe to be the best thing for your child.

[TwattyCatty]

Again, you've entirely missed the point. No point explaining it to someone who doesn't see it anyway, you won't understand basic standards of behaviour

[MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo]

Well you can excuse all the feckless fathering you want then can't you if the were other doesn't write it how you want. That's your perogative. Hopefully the sister/aunt isn't as judgmental and narrow minded as you.
I'm not arguing back and forth when your only contribution to the discussion is to bemoan the wording

[TwattyCatty]

Way to miss the point. What it shows is that OP isn't taking this seriously at all. If I got that text I would think it must be a kid playing a joke, because surely nobody would treat such an important thing so damn casually.

[MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo]

And I'd be far more horrified that my brother would keep his from me / ignore his child if it were true than worry about the language in which the message was conveyed

[MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo]

I'd be calling my brother asking if its true not assuming it can't be because she used commonly used abbreviations

[TwattyCatty]

Also it's a good way not to be taken seriously. Can you imagine getting that text?

[TwattyCatty]

nd you think they should judge her on using a few commonly used abbreviations

No, I'm despairing that anyone thinks it vaguely appropriate to impart such news in a text, and not even bother to use actual words! I mean, come on, have we sunk that low?

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Have you had a any response, OP?