Silly question - is child maintenance the only thing available?

[sandcastlesunshine]

Single parent to 2DC. Eldest going to High School this year. Uniform etc will cost £300 and bus fares etc will add about £60 to every month. (Plus new uniform for younger DC at about £150?).

Exh pays CM £20 a week. He doesn't buy any clothes, belongings, school dinners - well anything. He says he gives me enough money and I'm not getting a penny more. That £20 doesn't actually even pay for their school dinners.

Is it silly of me to think there is something out there that will enable me to ask that he contributes more to their lives?

[itsbetterthanabox]

It's not like the money is going to the government it's not a tax.
It's to pay for their own children to live. Of course someone should sacrifice for their own kids. Why should only women have to sacrifice?

[Violetcharlotte]

Thanks Bella I'll forward that link to DS to help him understand why he can't have football boots

[BellaRed1]

I’m not the only one who thinks they way I do.

data.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/committeeevidence.svc/evidencedocument/work-and-pensions-committee/child-maintenance-services/written/39518.html

[Natsku]

I actually think the government should pay CM to RP's and recoup it from NRP's in the same way as income tax, this would mean NO child would go without

They really should, it astounds me that they don't. Where I live if the NRP is being difficult about paying CM then the state pays directly to the RP (up to a certain amount) and goes after the money from the NRP, charging interest for the time and effort taken to get it off them. My ex was on unemployment benefit and they took the extra child element straight off him and occasionally got a bit extra as interest for a couple of months I waited.

[itsbetterthanabox]

A single parent on 14k has to pay for a child- find childcare, work less so they can care for the child, feed them everyday, buy everything they use and use more electric and gas.
A NRP on 14k has very minimal costs if they have the child eow which is normal.
How don't you get that?
Not taking money from the NRP isn't being 'fiercely independent' it's you choosing to hurt the child rather than dent your own pride.

[sandcastlesunshine]

Especially a NRP with such a lifestyle.

[Violetcharlotte]

Bella you've been very fortunate in that you were able to buy your council house at a discount so have low outgoings and are to work full time.

If you were paying a fortune to live in private rented accommodation, worked full time, yet still have to scrimp and save, I think you'd be feeling a lot more resentful towards non paying NRP.

[sandcastlesunshine]

He gives me too much of his money already apparently.

And I spent the last year paying him back £3 a week that he had claimed was overpaid the previous year!

[Enchantedflamingo]

How can he just not pay the extra fiver a week? That's awful.

[HerRoyalNotness]

If he is in such low wages, how is he buying all these gadgets? Isn't there some kind of throng where you can apply for a review due to lifestyle. Can't remember what it's called sorry.

In Canada and perhaps the US, if a man deliberately leaves his job and earns less, he still has to pay the same amount of maintenance as he was on his previous income. I don't understand why these countries have more teeth in this matter and the UK govt doesn't seem to give much of a damn. I don't understand why men would choose to take a lower paying job either, spiting themselves really aren't they.

[sorryho0p]

There's one person who's not getting it and it ain't me Bella ...

Figures though that you're children are adults. Out of touch ..

[LowGravity]

The point is though Bella the government shouldn't have to subsidize the children of men who choose to leave their jobs/work p/t, dodge tax/father a few more kids etc.Not when they are perfectly capable of working full time and paying for their own kids. If they're on MW and are NRP's then they have the luxury of being able to take on a second job, unlike RP's with children to care for.

[LowGravity]

I actually think the government should pay CM to RP's and recoup it from NRP's in the same way as income tax, this would mean NO child would go without. If they can't pay temporarily then debts accrue and have to be paid back regardless. Pretty sure if my child turned up at school and told his teachers he hadn't eaten for 3 days because mummy doesn't have any money left SS would be at my door in 5 minutes flat. The problem currently is there is no deterrent, no punishment, no consequences. This is only the UK though, plenty other countries dish out appropriate punishments, including prison sentences for non payers.

[BellaRed1]

you’re not getting it or don’t want to get it and that’s fine each to our own.

I get it.

I am not a man not am I a man pleaser lol I’ve been a single parent for many years although my kids are now grown. I have never received maintenance , my ex went in to have 3 more children. It’s actually all pretty civil. I’ve never asked him for money for anything. I bought my council house years ago when ( mortgages were easy to get ) whilst working part time, I then went full time and I have moved twice since then and have now paid off my mortgage which helps as I still earn an amount that would give me tax credits if my kids were younger. I earn below £20k but above minimum wage. I’m also single . Marriage put me off for life haha! My problem is that I’m fiercely independent so no one gets a look in.

I’ve struggled at times in the past even had some debt but I ploughed on and now things are ok as the mortgage has been paid. Was in rental property when married.

Of course some of you are in the same situation with rent and bills etc but a single parent on £14k you would get benefits. A NRP on £14k gets nothing.

Housing costs are a b*tch for all.

The Jospeh Riwntree foundation says just about everyone on low incomes are struggling inclusing single childless men. It is also likely to get worse before it gets better according to them as the govt continues it’s austerity path.

I think what most of us can agree with is that the whole thing is a mess, here’s hoping it gets sorted out one way or the other some time in the future.

[Violetcharlotte]

Lowgravity id love to know what these steps are too!!

I actually think the CMS should be made to pay the RP for money they fail to collect from the NRP. I bet then they might get their act together and actually start making them pay.

[Theresnonamesleft]

So am I understanding this correctly?
I pay over half my income on rent and council tax. Then bills on top. But I should shirk my responsibilities to my children so I can have some leisure time?
I'm sure if I did that ss would have a great deal to say.

It's crap that these 'men' shirk their responsibilities or pay the absolute minimum.

[LowGravity]

The reason the system is unfair is because RP's are overwhelmingly women and we live in a misogynistic patriarchal society.

Steps are also being taken for those who don’t declare their full incomes What steps would those be? Because my tax avoiding/maintenance avoiding ex has got away with this for years and the CMS has refused to verify his income with HMRC, just taking his word for it, Except I'm taking it to tribunal so we'll see. And who'll be providing for the children meanwhile? Oh that would be their mother, again.

[sandcastlesunshine]

To summarise previous posts, he does not take them on days out, he does not buy them toys or clothes, he feeds them £1 pizzas and cheese on toast, he does not send dinner money, they do not have nice bedrooms.

He owns 3 laptops, at least 2 gaming machines, an iPad, a Dyson fan heater, an iwatch, the newest phone, hundreds of games, travels everywhere by taxi, goes out with his mates all the time.

He is a graduate and is choosing to work part time for minimum wage.

The uniform is new to the school, as well as to DD, so no chance of saving money. He's never paid before so I just thought for a one off he would agree to assist. It will cost £300, plus new things for DS too. I originally only asked for any law that people may know of arranging such payments, clearly there is not.

I'm public sector and will be using my overdraft to pay for the uniform.

Surely this is proof that the system is unfair towards RP.

[Violetcharlotte]

Bella if someone earns £14k a year, they work full time and this is genuinely the best they can do, then yes, £20 a week is fair.

However the OP is talking about a situation where her ex has a degree and clearly has the potential to earn a lot more but refuses to.

My own situation - ex is a self employed builder. I know for a fact he earns around £600 a week when he's earning, but claims he's not working. CSA (as they were known the last time I tried to get any money out of him) said there was nothing they could do as he claimed to not be working (I offered to send photos of him in his work van!)

The system is shit.

[WhiskyIrnBru]

Bellaend

[nixnjj]

Back to the original question. I've been in the same boat as many parents both singles, couples working and on benefits. Speak to the school and see if they have a second hand shop. My son had second hand and it went back to the second hand shop as he outgrow it. Some areas have charitable outlet that offer a voucher towards some of the costs, again school should be able to help.

I read recently about nurses using food banks and homeless teachers. Think will only improve when we stop fighting each other and start fighting together

[itsbetterthanabox]

Bellared
The op does not claim benefits...

A RP often has to work less and therefore claim benefits because they have children that they have to care for.
A NRP doesn't have to work less as they are not looking after the children. So yes they should pay. The NRP not taking care of the kids means the RP has a reduced earning capacity. Obviously they need to be paying to make up for that.
How is that not obvious?

[sorryho0p]

Oh piss off bella. Stop excusing behaviour where there is actually no excusing

I'll ask again - are you a man? Or possibly a man pleaser. It'll be one of the two

[BellaRed1]

So if someone’s only earns min wage of around £14k (no benefits at this level for an NRP) has tax and Nat ins to pay as well as rent on a place that she suitable for both your kids to stay in occasionally Electric, gas, council tax , water rates, transport to work, insurance , food toiletries, tv licence, mobile phone, clothes plus spend on the kids when they stay over plus maintennace what do you think he should pay?

Isn’t he allowed to have some cash to take the kids out for the day, to buy them toys, feed them well? Is he to have no social life.

Rent and maintenace alone could be more than half of their take home pay.


When I say you I don’t mean anyone personally I mean in general.


As he earns more he pays more.

[SparklyMagpie]

Bella so how much maintenance are you getting?