Children's parties & access

[PartTimeModel]

I am newly separated from exP.

He's still very sore about it so we are keeping our distance. Not in position to talk things through properly (no surprise there - this is one of the main reasons we split). ExP is currently seeing DC on Wednesday afternoons, and Sundays. I intend to get a proper agreement in place soon, but it's early days. Also he doesn't have a new flat sorted yet so he says he can't have DC to stay overnight where is is currently staying (with family).

Issue is DD1 is 5 and gets quite a few party invites. She got one for last Sunday from a close friend - as it's ment to be exP's 'day' I thought he either needs to take DD1 to the party or tell her why she can't go. He refused and then said he wouldn't have the DC for the day at all :( So I took her to the party (though I did offer to cancel it but I ever heard back from him).

DD1 has just got another party invite - again its on a Sunday in a couple of weeks.

It feels wrong to be to decline the invitation just because it falls on exP's day.

My view is it's all about the DC. And if DD1 wants to go to a party she is invited to she should be able to go, and the parent who has the DC on that day needs to incorporate the party into plans for the day (ExP lives in same town BTW - it's not a matter of geographical inconvenience). DD1 enjoys parties above all else as do many kids her age. ExP's usual plans pretty much just involve hanging out at his Mum's for the day, which is fine but it's not like it's a huge inconvenience to take her to a party.

So I'm interested to hear how other families handle this - is it that the exP needs to suck it up and deal with any parties that fall on his day?

Or is it actually all about the adults and what they want to do, and therefore I should refuse all Sunday invites obo DD1 - which is what exP wants me to do (when he takes a breath from telling me it's ALL about the DC!).

[purpleroses]

Appologies for multiple postings.Phone playing up

[PartTimeModel]

:) purple!

I don't tell him anything and I'm not relying on him for anything either. But his DD's do need to see him.

[PartTimeModel]

There's nothing to tell anyway & I'm too bloody knackered to even think of going out beyond a Sunday lunch.

[Chandras]

I agree that children should be allowed to get on with their social life, but in the terms as described by Balia. You need to think how much will be won and lost in a battle about parties, and then make a decision.