A bit of background: my fiance (together for 8 years, engaged for 3...I know, COVID) gave birth to our amazing baby girl 5 weeks ago. We'd gone through multiple rounds of IUI, and then a cycle of IVF with Cryos donor sperm to get to this point. It was really tough going, especially for my partner (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially for us both) and on top of it all, she ended up with moderate OHSS. However, despite all this, we stuck together, supported each effortlessly and ultimately felt it brought us even closer.
Up until now, I'd say our relationship was great - we had open communication, bickered healthily, were very affectionate with each other and weathered a lot of challenges over the years (moving house/cities several times, job changes, health problems etc).
The birth itself was a 20 hour labour (at term) followed by an emergency section. So, the past 1.5 years have been pretty relentless with stress and non-stop interventions from start to finish.
Over the past 5 weeks, things have been REALLY tough. This was something we were both prepared for and expected with a newborn. The part I didn't expect was to feel suddenly very distanced from my fiance - our baby is 90% breastfed and so I'm only able to help with the occasional bottle. We sleep in separate rooms (which works for sleep but unfortunately not for our relationship) and I do the 10-3am shift whilst she does 3-8am.
Due to the section, I've happily done all of the driving, housework, laundry, cooking, life admin etc. I'm fortunate to be able to take 3 months parental leave from work.
I'm delighted to do those things as I want my partner to feel 100% supported. I want to give her as much bonding and healing time. I get plenty of time to bond with our baby also, and instantly fell in love with her.
But our relationship has taken a complete back burner and I feel like I'm second fiddle. I'm not a child and don't need praise for all the things I do but it would be nice to be thanked once in a while! To that, my partner says "you don't thank me for breastfeeding". My partner hardly looks at me/initiates physical contact. We never kiss any more. We argue most days about things which in hindsight are stupid. We have no quality time together (again, to be expected!) Our baby comes first, of course! We're both exhausted and have different priorities now. Our baby is extremely colicky, unsettled, sicky and relatively hard work which makes things that much more stressful!
I just hoped we'd have a more united front and turn to each other for comfort/solace in tough times. I worry that our relationship will crumble under the strain of parenthood and feel I can't voice these things as my partner is already so sleep deprived/overwhelmed with lots of different feelings. Sometimes I wonder if my partner even likes me any more.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this - I secretly hope someone somewhere has gone through something similar!
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LGBT parents
Relationship troubles post partum
21 replies
Sag1990 · 24/11/2023 17:38
OP posts:
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26/11/2023 09:28
teenysaladandsniffofarose · 26/11/2023 06:15
This has to be a wind up.
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