Purging clothes

[Nowayhozay]

A few weeks ago my teen ds who is somewhere under the Trans umbrella although neither of us really seem to know exactly where decided that he no longer wanted any of his feminine wardrobe, swore blind that he had moved on and no longer wanted or needed any of it.
Roll on to the weekend just gone and he is regretting his decision.
It was quite a significant amount that he got rid of, some he had paid for, some donations from his sister but in the main I had paid for most of it.
I'm trying not to be cross or negative but right now it's going to be difficult to help him out with new clothes.

A quick Google and it seems that purging from time to time is fairly common.

Anyone else had to deal with this?
Do you rescue the clothes and hold on to them?
I'm not sure that's the right thing to do, it seems dismissive of his feelings but I can't afford for this to become a regular thing.

[Glazelightly]

Binging and purging feminine clothes is part of autogynophilia (AGP) - once the sexual thrill acquiring and using feminine clothes is satisfied (often post-masturbation or extended sexual fantasies) it is replaced with disgust/shame and purging of the clothes. Sorry if the above is uncomfortable for you to read.

In future I would try and hold onto them if I were you, as like you say this is a very common pattern, but I'm not sure if his previously owned items might not work the same way? Perhaps he needs to stick to cheaper/second-hand items going forward? That should at least help keep costs down. Maybe try searching places like reddit where AGP individuals talk and see if you can get tips from there. I'm sure somebody would be happy to help/advise.

[Nowayhozay]

@Glazelightly

Binging and purging feminine clothes is part of autogynophilia (AGP) - once the sexual thrill acquiring and using feminine clothes is satisfied (often post-masturbation or extended sexual fantasies) it is replaced with disgust/shame and purging of the clothes. Sorry if the above is uncomfortable for you to read.

In future I would try and hold onto them if I were you, as like you say this is a very common pattern, but I'm not sure if his previously owned items might not work the same way? Perhaps he needs to stick to cheaper/second-hand items going forward? That should at least help keep costs down. Maybe try searching places like reddit where AGP individuals talk and see if you can get tips from there. I'm sure somebody would be happy to help/advise.

Thank you for your input. Perhaps I should not have used the word "Purging" It seems to carry certain connotations in this regard.

This has nothing to do with AGP, he has shown a preference for girls clothes since he was a small child, it's just the way he is.
I feel there is probably another explanation.

[DelphiniumBlue]

Is it really your problem to replace the clothes?
Depending on age of DC, surely it is up to them to deal with this? If you don't already give them an annual clothes allowance, perhaps now is the time to start considering it. They need to start budgeting properly - who can afford to throw away most of their clothes on a whim? That is just feckless teen behaviour.
And maybe DC can consider a more adaptable wardrobe - jeans and tshirts can be fairly neutral, and masculine/feminised with a few additional items, possibly from charity shops/boot sales/donations from friends & family.
From what you say it sounds as if the clothes were all given/thrown away rather than being sold to pay for any new clothes. I think DC needs to take ownership of this problem, and maybe get used to having fewer clothes.

[Glazelightly]

Apologies, I didn't mean to offend.

In that case, now he has realised the consequences of having nothing left he's very unlikely to make the same mistake again. Live and learn, it's part of being a teen, he'll build his wardrobe back up and treat it more carefully this time around.

[Nowayhozay]

@Glazelightly

Apologies, I didn't mean to offend.

In that case, now he has realised the consequences of having nothing left he's very unlikely to make the same mistake again. Live and learn, it's part of being a teen, he'll build his wardrobe back up and treat it more carefully this time around.

You don't need to apologise, no offence taken. The way I worded the post didn't help.
I appreciate your input
Yes hopefully he has learnt a lesson

[AnnaMagnani]

I read this as him learning something about growing up, actions and consequences, and making your way in the world.

Taking away the trans side of things, growing out of something you did as a child, announcing you are getting rid of it and then having regrets is very teen.

He needs to learn that buying things does cost money - you don't have a limitless supply to buy him clothes and part of being an adult is working to pay the bills. It's very easy as a teen to think your identity is the most important thing in the world, when you are a bit older it often is something like paying for the heating.

Then with your update - he is growing and learning about what he wants to do about the trans thing. It sounds like he was thinking about desisting, then that felt a bit much. It's puberty - he definitely won't feel the same way as he did as when he was little but he will also change his mind 4 times before breakfast.

I think the idea of putting him in charge of his clothes, and a clothes budget if he is old enough is excellent.

[Nowayhozay]

He is certainly old enough now to be more responsible and deal with the consequences of his actions.
We have talked and although he didn't really have the words to express himself I got the impression that raging hormones are confusing him and his mood changes are much more extreme than they have been

I agreed that I would help him out with some basics but I have limited funds right now so it won't be much.
I explained that I wanted him to take more responsibility and learn to live within a budget and the realities of rash decisions.

We did a little online shopping, his sister traded a couple of things in exchange for him doing her chores. It really felt like we had gotten somewhere until his dad chimed in with another grand gesture !

Both he and his sister will be going to stay with him and his partner for a few days and he has offered to pay for a shopping trip !!

I'm not happy at all, I think it's undermined me and I like to have a say over what he buys.
Plus I'm pissed off with struggling day to day only to have him sweep in like a hero with yet another grand gesture.

So wether a lesson has been learnt we shall have to wait and see.

[Lampsout]

I am in my mid fifties now and have been "crossdressing" (i no longer consider it crossdressing after all these years but simply my choice of clothes)
Anyway i digress, i was probably in my late thirties before i got out of the habit of purging i hate to think of the money i have wasted over the years.
For me the purging was at first the result of the fear of being discovered, obviously not relevant for your ds.
After that the triggers would be for instance a new relationship, so feeling that with this new woman by my side I couĺd leave all this behind me. Or sadly at times just sheer guilt and shame.
Teenage years are tough at the best of times but when you are a little different they can be extremely confusing im sure his mind is all over the place.
You know your ds best but I think in future he would actually appreciate it if you quitely rescued a few of his favourite items.

[Nowayhozay]

@Lampsout

I am in my mid fifties now and have been "crossdressing" (i no longer consider it crossdressing after all these years but simply my choice of clothes)
Anyway i digress, i was probably in my late thirties before i got out of the habit of purging i hate to think of the money i have wasted over the years.
For me the purging was at first the result of the fear of being discovered, obviously not relevant for your ds.
After that the triggers would be for instance a new relationship, so feeling that with this new woman by my side I couĺd leave all this behind me. Or sadly at times just sheer guilt and shame.
Teenage years are tough at the best of times but when you are a little different they can be extremely confusing im sure his mind is all over the place.
You know your ds best but I think in future he would actually appreciate it if you quitely rescued a few of his favourite items.

Thank you for your insight.
When he was younger there would be periods when he didn't seem interested I wonder if that was similar to what he recently did.

[Kanaloa]

If your daughter chucked all her clothes in the bin because she didn’t fancy them anymore would you rush to help her buy a whole new wardrobe? I wouldn’t for any of my kids, and my eldest is only 11! If he one day decided he wanted to try a new style and threw al his clothes away I wouldn’t be replacing everything.

Let him wear what he has and save up for new clothes. Remove the trans issue from it - it’s an issue of being sensible and respectful instead of selfish, and knowing mum doesn’t have a Mary poppins purse!

[Supersimkin2]

The trans element isn’t relevant to the practicality of his demands to buy new stuff. Don’t fall for a tween drama - the dad can get a few essentials, anything else comes in its own time.