Nightmare sister. Selling family home.

[FrostMoon]

We finally agreed to sell the family home (joint executors). We've had photos done and I've signed off the draft particulars. Sister is dragging her heels with signing. Wants to send everything to a friend to look at, being very picky. Wants a higher price than both estate agents suggested. I think this is all to try and delay the process. I understand she's suffering because she doesn't want the house to go but there is a will and it has to be sold.

I'm having severe anxiety due to all the messages. We have probate. Not sure I can handle the stress anymore. How much would a solicitor charge to act on my behalf to get the house marketed and sold?

[Another2Cats]

I certainly couldn't give a figure in response to that particular question, you would need to approach some local solicitors.

Another approach may be, if you have a spouse or other similar person that you trust then ask them to do the work for you.

It will still have to be your name on any documents and it will have to be your signature, but you don't actually have to do all the backwards and forwards, dealing with messages etc yourself.

If you have someone like that in your life then perhaps ask them to deal with all of this stuff on your behalf. It will still be down to you to make any final decisions and nothing will happen without your signature on any documents but the other person can deal with all the daily grind of all these messages while still leaving any important decisions up to you.

[BorgQueen]

It can cost iro £15k to remove an executor in order to force a sale - at least that was the case in 2020.
My SiL was very awkward over selling FiL’s home , she and my DH were executors.
She wanted to market it at a ridiculous price, stalled at every turn.
When I pointed out that we would both end up with less if it came to solicitors, she came to her senses.

[MzHz]

Yes, explain this to her that if she delays then you’ll get less as it ll cost more to get it done.

tell her that you’re doing everything in the best interest of everyone, but her dragging her feet and insisting on others sticking their oars in isn’t helpful and as they don’t have any sway on what’s best, that you’ll advise her of the best course of action and proceed without her.

this is NOT how your relative would have wanted this to be handled

[FolkestoneMassive]

You could put it on the market at a slightly higher price with the agreement you’ll reduce the price after 21 days if you haven’t attracted an offer. At least that will get you on the market.

[bubblesforbreakfast]

Have you called her behaviour out? Try and have an honest conversation - clearly this is a hard time for both of you. Just tell her her that she's being obstructive and it's causing you pain.

[ittakes2]

Just put it on higher and tell the real estate agent to tell clients you will accept offers.

[toriowl]

Does she live in the house? Be gentle, loss of a family home can be incredibly tied up in grief. My suggestion would be support her in the loss that this may signify and in the practical things that may need doing. If she feels heard and seen, her defences and avoidance may loosen.

[PeacefulSJ]

Always hard when siblings aren't close during a death or it hits hard for both but one deals with it differently to other.

I'd suggest she needs to obey the will and maybe let your husband take over your texting, saying, sorry but this is too upsetting so he's taking over texting. He'll be that bit removed and stick to legalities.

Add why don't we when sold, go halves on a bench in the persons name in the local community or up the graveyard or a plaque on a pier or something.

Give her something to move forward towards.

Sorry for your loss.

[Waterbaby41]

Really difficult situation but as joint executors you must either work together, agree for one of you to do the work (with other as signatory) or you will have to instruct a solicitor to remove her as an executor with evidence to back up why you are taking such steps. You cannot instruct anyone do with the house sale on your own at the present time. It is the most awful position to be in - I had to go down the legal route with my elder brother as he refused to doing anything with the estate - horrible feeling to sue your own brother. The solicitor I used hand delivered the summons and managed to talk some sense into him without going to court. My very best wishes to you - hope you manage to get it sorted amicably and soon .

[anyolddinosaur]

Explain that she has a legal duty as an executor to carry out the instructions in the will and that she can be sued by beneficiaries for any loss they suffer from her delays. If necessary get a solicitor to write a letter saying that.

I hope she is not living in the house, try to ensure if she is not she doesnt have keys.

[Lamelie]

Does it matter? As in are other beneficiaries giving you grief/ do you need the money sooner rather than later?
Put it on at her big fat price. At the end of the day the price is one of many variables, it’s not worth falling out over. Definitely don’t lawyer up.
I’m sorry for your loss.

[Timeheals]

While the above is certainly an option - it could be quite damaging to your relationship. Grief can bring out some very difficult behaviours and if at all possible I would try and approach her about how she’s doing while establishing boundaries about what has to happen but also acknowledging to her that it is difficult for you too but the sooner the admin is finished - the sooner you will be able to reflect and appreciate your lost loved ones without this hanging over you

[PleaseletitbeSpring]

My co-executor willingly signed to let me be sole executor. She was the lawyer and I wasn't! I don't supposed that your DSis would? It was free. I was able to just get on with the probate myself. I think I would suggest that it would be easier.

[Lamelie]

@PleaseletitbeSpring

My co-executor willingly signed to let me be sole executor. She was the lawyer and I wasn't! I don't supposed that your DSis would? It was free. I was able to just get on with the probate myself. I think I would suggest that it would be easier.

Can you remember was there an executors fee?
I’m coexecutor with one sibling and it’s an extra level of difficulty getting two signatures (we live far away) We’re nearly at the end now but I have suggested for future estates (parents 🙁) whatever the will says, we cede to just one officially for simplicity. We would and have advise and help each other as much as possible anyway. But wouldn’t want to take away or have taken away the executors fee.

[PleaseletitbeSpring]

@Lamelie

Can you remember was there an executors fee?
I’m coexecutor with one sibling and it’s an extra level of difficulty getting two signatures (we live far away) We’re nearly at the end now but I have suggested for future estates (parents 🙁) whatever the will says, we cede to just one officially for simplicity. We would and have advise and help each other as much as possible anyway. But wouldn’t want to take away or have taken away the executors fee.

There was no fee.

[CharlieDickens]

@Another2Cats

I certainly couldn't give a figure in response to that particular question, you would need to approach some local solicitors.

Another approach may be, if you have a spouse or other similar person that you trust then ask them to do the work for you.

It will still have to be your name on any documents and it will have to be your signature, but you don't actually have to do all the backwards and forwards, dealing with messages etc yourself.

If you have someone like that in your life then perhaps ask them to deal with all of this stuff on your behalf. It will still be down to you to make any final decisions and nothing will happen without your signature on any documents but the other person can deal with all the daily grind of all these messages while still leaving any important decisions up to you.

This exactly.

My sister was a nightmare when we had to sell our dad's house. My ex had to step in with my dad's estate because we couldn't get anything done due to the grief that she was experiencing (basically it turned her into a bit of a d*).

[alicatte]

Hi,
This is all very hard, and not uncommon, but I agree with the posters who say don't lawyer up.

Some people take a while to process grief but still do it at the time - which helps in the long term, apparently. Others try to rush through and get everything done but sometimes this is to try to deal with unbearable feelings of loss as well - sometimes not just the person but the loss of the 'family' grouping and sometimes even the idea of a home. Don't make it worse for yourself or for her, I am not close to my sister either but I don't wish her harm and I know my mother loved her very much.

In the end, what do you lose by being kind to her? The house will still be sold and the family grouping will move on. She is not to blame for this loss any more than you are.

Good fortune be with you in the future. I am sorry for your loss - I know what it is to be in such a position.

Good Luck with it all.

[Cornflakelover]

I used a firm called Farewill to do my dads probate as there was a trust
both my self and sisters were executors but she was happy for me to deal with everything so she signed something to say this was the case

it was free