Sexual Risk Order

[Rachelsthorns]

My STBX has been on bail while the police investigated child sexual abuse offences against him.
One of his bail conditions was that he must not have access to our own children without a named chaperone present and I was happy with that. I don't want him anywhere near them, but he is their father and they want to see him. They are teenagers.

The police put in place a Sexual Risk Order so that our children would still be protected if the bail conditions lapse. That has now happened: NFA for some charges, but continued investigation for others.

The conditions of the SRO include
1 Having contact or communicating, or seeking to communicate, whether directly or indirectly - which shall include communication by telephone, writing or electronically such as through a computer - with any child under the age of 18 years other than; i. Such as is inadvertent and not reasonably avoidable in the course of normal daily life i. With the consent of the child's parent or guardian, who has knowledge of his convictions and/or this order, and having made aware your managing Police Officer, and Children's Services for the area in which the child resides. 2. Being in the home of any person under the age of 18, fi that person is present, unless in the presence of that child's parent or legal guardian who is aware of his convictions and this order

His solicitor is saying that, because he is a legal parent or guardian, he can give himself permission to have full and unsupervised contact with his own children.
I thought that his permission would not apply because he's the subject of the Order, so this is worrying me. I'm sure it's not what the Court intended.

Is the solicitor correct, please?
If so, how can I protect our children?

Did he tell you that’s what his solicitor said, or did the solicitor tell you directly? I would be asking the police.

Do your dc know what he has done?

The older one knows, poor kid, and is very conflicted.
The younger one doesn't know the details, but knows he's been accused of hurting children.
He was also accused of domestic abuse of me, but that's one of the things that has been dropped because I couldn't go through with it. I can't think how to tell her. She's so young.
The police also said there's concerning evidence that relates to our younger child, but it's not enough to charge him with.

I've been told through a third party that STBX says that's what the solicitor told him. STBX was not allowed to contact me when the bail conditions were in place.

The police said that the order was to protect the children (and me) and he's not allowed to be alone with her. At the moment, I have to drive them to wherever they decide to meet him because they said he can't be in a car with them.

Utter bollocks. The SRO is poorly drafted but he can't pretend that he can give himself permission. You need to get the terms of the order varied.

Go back to the police.

Think again about the dv charges.

Sounds like he is likely to hurt your dd.

Either his solicitor isn't very bright or he's trying it on, it's not the best wording but it's quite clear that the spirit of the order is not for him to be able to permit himself contact.

Refer him back to his police offender manager as they are the ones that enforce it.

Op you need to add on any evidence you can and keep him away from your dc and other women.. Imo you can regain some control of your lives if you do so. Make a statement.. And make the decision for your dc right now. When details come out they will me horrified they saw him. And wonder why you supported it.

Yes contact police and ask his offender manager to contact you.

He cannot give himself permission.

Is there a social worker involved? Contact them as well.

The presence of another adult won't necessarily stop him from abusing a child. You need to be open with your children about what he is done and use the full extent of the law to prevent him having contact. Go back to the police and press charges

Thank you all.
The police said they would contact Children’s Services to let them know the bail conditions would lapse.

I am very worried about pressing charges as I think my children would react very badly. I don’t want them hurt any more than they are already.
When they even struggle to convict for serious rape, I think the likelihood of him ending up in court over what he did to me is low.

What would happen if I did? Would they stop him having contact? I’ve seen so many women say they’ve been abused, but the family courts still allow unsupervised access. At the moment, DD wants to see more of him and at least at the moment there is a chaperone in place.

What would happen if I did? Would they stop him having contact?

No one can really answer this for you without knowing the details of the investigation and even then, it would depend on how the investigation progresses. You would be best going back to the OIC to discuss your own complaint, however as he is under investigation for sexual offences he may end up with long term contact restrictions anyway.

I work in this field this is standard wording for an SRO and what his solicitor is saying is nonsense, he can't give himself permission to have access to children. Ask to speak to his designated MOSOVO/Jigsaw officer these are police officers who manage these cases from a police perspective

You’re weighing up how they would react in the now, as children, to protecting them from a real threat of abuse. I would be doing everything in my power to stop him having any relationship with them at all. He’s a predator who has abused you, why do they need to have a relationship with him? Because they want to? They may want to, but kids want all sorts of things that as adults we have to say no. He’s not safe. Protect your children, even if it upsets them.

The police told you they’re concerned he has or will abuse your daughter? Either way he needs halting contact completely. You stop them seeing him now, and if they’re very young, explain why in age appropriate stages as they get older.

I would bet money that his solicitor didn’t say that. And it’s certainly not true.

I am very worried about pressing charges as I think my children would react very badly. I don’t want them hurt any more than they are already.

This is a horrific position for you and I'm really, really sorry - but you need to protect your children here. He's a predator. He's abused you, another child, and there are concerns over your youngest child too. You have to do everything you can to stop contact now, to stand up for them, and as they get older, explain more about why. They don't have the ability to comprehend this yet, but you do. You have to protect them.

@Rachelsthorns
Sadly, I have personal experience of this.

I was told to tell the kids the truth in an age appropriate way. Mine were younger than yours, but I encourage questions if they have them and answer as fully as I can / is appropriate. If they are too young, I tell them I can't tell them yet but that I won't lie to them and will tell them when they are old/mature enough.

At the end of the day, you are not hurting the kids. He is. It is not your actions, but his. There is very little you can do to protect them from what has already happened - you have to work to ensure that they can deal with it and protect them going forwards.

You will have to do what you think is best, but it is a truly crappy situation and one where you will find everyone has a very strong opinion on what you should do. But no matter how much they think they know what they would do, they don't. No one can truly understand unless they have been in the same position, and even then its hard. The decisions I made may not be the same you feel are the best for your family.

I would add that I was told by social services that any decisions were mine, but if I made the wrong call and something awful happened, I would be considered to blame for failure to safeguard. In your case, if the police are telling you he is a risk, so you take the steps you need to to protect the kids.

I have done so, in the rather depressing knowledge that as my kids get older, I will get the blame from them, as he is not around. I will be their safe place, so I will bear the brunt of their feelings around this. I suspect they will only really start to begin to understand what a truly awful position I was in will be when they have their own children.

Good luck x

Thank you, everyone! I appreciate the time you've taken to post your advice.

I have gone back to the police officer who has been dealing with the case. They are contacting the managing officer to tell them what he's saying. They are adamant that you are all correct and that he cannot give himself any such permission. As they point out, I am also her parent and he doesn't get to override my decision.

I'm reconsidering the question of making a statement. I thought it would be enough that he must always have a chaperone. If he's starting to push boundaries already, I'm very worried and I'll do everything I can to protect her.

I hadn't got to the point of realising that I would leave her exposed if I didn't make a statement. I can't think why it hadn't, other than that I've had so much to process already. I always thought I wouldn't hesitate, but seeing my older child's reaction made me think I had better drop it.
My DD's safety is more important and I'll speak to them both. She's 13. What a thing for her to have to deal with

@TotallyFloored Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you've been through this awful thing, too, and I'm overwhelmed that you generously posted your experience to help me make the right decision.

I don't disagree with you at all that this is a standard wording. However, there is normally a further qualification along the following lines if the person involved is a parent:-

"Whilst they are under the age of 16 years, not to have any direct contact with his child XXX unless supervised by Social Services or supervised by any persons deemed appropriate by Social Services"

This appears to be missing from the SRO that the OP quoted. On the face of it, what his solicitor said appears to be correct and whoever was responsible for writing this SRO has really messed up.

Now, of course, as the resident parent the OP is in a very strong position to prevent him from having contact with the DC and he would likely have to go through the entire family court process in order to gain any sort of court mandated contact. If he were to go through that whole process I doubt that he would gain anything more than supervised contact at a Contact Centre.