Should I tell my brother what is in Dad's will?

[NormaSnorks]

Long story. Will try to keep it short.
Older brother (aged 50) and I don't get on, never have. He always got on better with my Mum than Dad, but sadly she died several years ago.

My Dad lives near me and has just recently had to go into a care home, which is costing over £40K a year . Dad has savings to cover a couple of years, and I am going to try to sell his flat, which is worth another £200K. But retirement flats aren't selling very fast around here.

Meanwhile, Dad still has a holiday house 300 miles away. He hasn't used it for over 15 years, but he has just left it, and paid the annual costs of about £1500.
My brother has lived there for short periods in the past 20 years, but in the last few years has just been about 5-6 weeks a year. HOWEVER, over the years he has filled it with all his stuff, and it is such a mess that a) we could never go there, and b) it couldn't be rented out.

Now Dad is in care I have said that we should sell it, as he can no longer afford to keep paying bills. But my brother keeps throwing a hissy fit, saying that it was 'promised' to him by Mum (it wasn't hers to promise - was bought with my father's inheritance from HIS mother) and he is refusing to discuss it, saying he will inherit it in Dad's will.

The thing is - Dad gave me Power of Attorney over all his affairs last year, and also a copy of his will. In it my brother will only receive one-fifth of my Dad's estate, as the rest is left to me (one fifth) and grandchildren.

Should I tell my brother/ send him a copy of the will, in the hope that he will see that there is no point in keeping the house?
The problem is, I'm sure it will spark a chain reaction of vitriolic e-mails to me accusing me of all sorts (this has happened in the past).
Incidently, my brother doesn't know that my Dad gave me POA, as he specifically didn't want him to know, as my brother has a history of semi-bullying/ aggravating my father.

Do executors have any right to see a will before a person dies?

[digerd]

Your brother is a nasty piece of work and agree with Mincepies. Good luck

[Corygal]

Maybe DB thinks that yr DF will die or spend other assets before the house needs to be sold, so he brother might still inherit it.

I don't think that's greedy, just factual. But DB doesn't know that, not only has he not been left the house, that 80 per cent of his parents' estate is going elsewhere.

In all decency, I really think you should tell him. Of course you don't want to, as he will hit the roof and ask why one child and their family have scooped the pool - and that's you.

But he's going to find out at some stage, and the least you can do is allow him to know where he stands as soon as possible.

You could sweeten the very bitter pill by telling DB there won't be anything much left anyway after the care fees.

[Corygal]

Incidentally, your brother might have grounds to contest the will - if he's been using the house for years, he may be able to prove that yr father was supporting him somehow, in which case his claim would trump those of your children, who've been given the majority of their grandparents' wealth.

[Corygal]

And (gets on a roll) tell your DB that there's no point hassling your dad. If you've got POA, yr DF has no legal capacity to change his will now.

Even if DF was very senile when he made the will, it's practically impossible to get anything overturned on those grounds anyway - it's perfectly legal to disinherit your children, legal to lie to them, and legal to be suffering from dementia, alcoholism, drug addiction etc. when signing important legal documents. (Well, wills anyway.)

In order to preserve family unity, assuming you want to, I would tell your brother the truth now. He can't tackle your dad (no point) and it will lessen his eventual shock and misery.

When your DF dies, you can change the will if you want. You've been left with a horrid job, but you have also got the wealth - be sensitive to that when dealing with your brother. Would you change places?

[CaseyShraeger]

A property and financial affairs LPA can be activated while the donor still has mental/legal capacity, though, can't it? In fact, the OPG actively encourage you to register it immediately after it's been signed and it can be used as soon as it's been registered unless the donor has included a specific stipulation that it can't be used until a later juncture. Does that automatically remove the donor's capacity to make a new will even though he/she may have perfect mental capacity (that's a genuine question, because it's a question that diesn't seem to be addressed by any of the OPG's gudeline documents)?

I have a property and financial affairs POA for my father largely because he often spends weeks at a time in hospital and is generally drugged out of lucidity when he's there, so someone needs to be able to handle his affairs, but it seems very unfair if that means he can't make a new will when he's out of hospital and perfectly lucid (not that he has any intention of doing so AFAIK, so it's a largely academic question in our case).

[CaseyShraeger]

Norma, are your DSs the only grandchildren or does your brother have one or more?

[Corygal]

It depends, innit, on what's wrong with you and whether it's been activated by the loss of the donee's mental capacity.

Apart from that, if you have capacity that is only reduced at certain times and in certain areas, like your DF clearly has, then he can do what he likes.

But once you've got dementia to the point you need round the clock institutional care, I'm not so sure, because I don't think that illness offers lucid periods long enough to be deemed competent for financial matters, if they happen at all.

It's a tricky area and one not to be trifled with, because it's incredibly uncertain and expensive - like holding water in your palms at 500 quid an hour. The only certainty for families is that it costs money and one of you won't win.

In law you have capacity until you are proved not to have it, which has led to a lot of court dramas where desperate family have battled with each other over the mumblings of an old person who was nuts, nasty, or most likely both - but who can tell now they're dead?

[CaseyShraeger]

My father will probably end up with dementia too in time if the NHS doesn't kill him first, which was another reason for getting the LPA as we'd definitely need one eventually in that case. And as I understand it he's likely to get increasing periods of confusion so I imagine if it ever came down to a legal argument there would be a substantial grey area there over precisely when he lost capacity. Fortunately I think everyone's likely to be broadly in agreement and we should have wound up more-or-less managing his affairs by then anyway so I hope it should be straightforward. Or straightforwardish.

I feel for you, OP - this can't be an easy time for you in general and having your brother digging his heels in is one more complicating factor you don't need.

[Corygal]

Altho I'm coming out fighting for the DB here, my sympathies are with you OP. In a nutshell, you've been dumped with looking after yr DF and having to tell your brother he isn't going to get a windfall.

That's why I'm suggesting you look at things from yr DB's pov - grabby or not, it strikes me he has a point, I'm afraid. He's maintained for years he's been promised a spare family house that he's lived in intermittently, which is hardly an unusual arrangement, and he's only been left a fifth of his parents' estate, not the half that most children with one sibling get. Not a legal point, but a point nonetheless.

DB may not know how staggeringly expensive care is and might think you are liquidating the house for some other reason. It does come as a hell of a shock to most people to find that 1k a week in cash is the minimum required.

I also can't help wondering why yr DF was so keen to keep details about his affairs so secret - I'm afraid he may have promised DB more than he is admitting.

You have to ram home how much care costs and that yr parents' entire wealth will be used up paying it. Your DB's needs do not enter the equation. The main point to make is, that regardless of what would or would not have been promised or left to anyone, there may not be much in the pot, so I'd major on that in yr DB discussions.

[NormaSnorks]

Dad's will was written over 10 years ago, so I don't think my DB could argue that he was senile then.
Yes - all the grandchildren are mine, which I know makes the whole inheritance thing seem like my family are getting the 'lion's share' but I think it probably helps to explain a bit of background. My Dad always claimed that he gave my DB and I the same opportunities and it was up to us what we made of them. We were both funded through uni, helped to buy first flats etc. For a variety of reasons my DB has never managed to settle down - into work, relationships etc. so he continued to come back to my parents for 'help' well into his 30s. After a relationship broke up and he had to sell his flat he lived at Dad's holiday house for a couple of years ( this was 15 years ago though). My Dad began to feel it was time my DB supported himself, but my mum was always more generous and probably persuaded Dad to keep paying bills etc.
When my kids were born Dad said he wanted to give them the same opportunities he gave us ( education etc) and therefore altered his will.
He im

[NormaSnorks]

Sorry - posted too early!
Dad indicated to me that he had helped my brother financially enough in his life, and that he would never learn to support himself if he kept getting handouts. ( I have also 'lent' my DB money in the past, which I now realise I won't be getting back...)
It's become clear to me now that DB is just sitting waiting for he clearly believes is his 'rightful inheritance' and it just makes me angry. He talks about moving to a bigger place. One way or another he is going to have a big meltdown when he realises it isn't going to happen!

[digerd]

Your DF should stop supporting your DB now otherwise he may well have grounds for trying to claim more of the inheritance. My UK solicitor told me that. < long complicated story with foreign MIL under foreign inheritance laws>

[Collaborate]

OP - please don't tell your borther. It's not your place to tell him what is in your father's will. It's your father's personal document, and it's for him to waive his privacy over it, not you. I'd consider it a gross breach of confidence if you tell your brother without the express consent of your father.

[NormaSnorks]

Collaborate - yes, it's OK, I've already decided that it isn't my role or place to communicate Dad's will, and that it was given to me in trust.

It was just when I got one of (D)B's late night e-mails calling me an evil, scheming cow (or similar) I just thought 'what can I do to put an end to all this?'.

Strangely I wonder whether my Bro has had some advice from somewhere, because suddenly I got another saying how he appreciated what I was doing, and how difficult it must be, how sad for Dad etc etc. No apologies for his previous behaviour tho!
I suspect he is just acting in what he thinks are his best interests yet again.

Useful advice about making sure DF isn't seen to be continuing to fund DB though - thanks.

[MaxPepsi]

Could your dad possibly tell your DB by letter that he wishes for all his assests to be sold to fund his care?

I know you said DB would hassle him, but how exactly? If he's in a home and he doesn't make any effort to see him anyway it's not likely he's just going to turn up? Plus the home must have security? His mail could be screened as could any phone calls?