Where does my DS stand?

[elizadoestoomuch]

Can someone advise me please?
i will try to be clear but apologies if not.
DS dad (my exp) died at the end of January.
He owned his flat and told me a couple of years ago that should anything happen to him he had made a will and got the correct life insurances etc so that DS would be provided for if anything happened to him.
Got a phonecall a couple of days ago from ExPs family saying that paternal Grandad would like to contribute to DS "upkeep" (for want of a better word). I think this is a lovely thought but no mention has been made of what provisions have been made for my DS. Don't kow for sure what the will says.
I have to phone them back but really don't know what to say.
I'm thinking of something along the lines "such a kind offer but as ExP assured me that DS was provided for then it really is unneccessary." But that sounds so cold?
Relations haven't been great between them and us for a year now because of DS dads begaviour but I don't want to make things worse.
On the other hand I would like to make sure my DS recieves what he is entitled to.
Again I think it is a very generous offer by DS grandparents but it seems wrong if DS is supposedly provided for.
Am I making any sense? Such a hard issue. Don't want to be cold or callous to anyone just tired of not being given the correct information (the family have form on this- didn't notify us for over a week that he had died).
I guess my question is what do I do if there is a will and what do I do if there isn't?

[mamas12]

you should be proud of what yu both have acheived.
I think re: sol. if he has been yur family sol for years then maybe he might be as specialist in every field so maybe get some specialist advice ????
Doesn't sound right that the executors are buying form the estate and yet...
I dunno hopefully someone on here will know something more.

[sparks]

Well, this is Legal matters, so it surely is the place to moan about the crap way exp's family are handling the estate! As you said, they don't have ds's best interests at heart, so you (and your sol) need to fight his corner.

You are right to be proud of your ds's achievements. He obviously has a lot going for him.

[elizadoestoomuch]

mamas12 - I haven't seen another solicitor, do you think I should? I think they (ExPs BIL) have only only considered buying the flat since they recieved letters from my solicitor. I have a feeling they were going to keep the flat (ie not rent it out, not sell it) till DS turned 18 - I have no idea of the ramifications of that.
Not heard from any of ExPs family for months tho I haven't contacted them either. I regularly talk with DS about his dad, which he enjoys (IYSWIM) but DS appears to have no feelings/thoughts re his GP, he had a very awkward relationship with them. We have recently moved and I was considering sending them a letter with our change of address but no idea how to word it/what to say.
On a plus side DS has finished Year6 - got way above average in his SATS and got an award at the Leavers Assembly for achieving so much in the face of adversity and for being such an important part of his class. I was so proud of him (& me a little bit because ExPs family have made me out to be such a shit mum).
Just read through the thread I posted last year (link upthread) and I am so sad it has turned out like this - I knew something wasn't right and at the time I felt I did all I could but now all I can think is I should have done more to make his family see this was going to end in tears.
My gorgeous DS has lost his dad. We don't know where his ashes are. And here I am moaning about money.

[mamas12]

If they are buying the flat are they buying it from ds therefore discharging his trusteeship?
If so then you don't need to go cap in hand surely the money would be going to ds/under your control.
What does another sol.say?

[elizadoestoomuch]

Ok update. My solicitor has recieved a copy of the will. DS is entitled to 70% of the estate. The estate is really only the flat plus a little bit of savings. The trustee has now decided that he would like to buy the flat (to keep it in the family, I assume). The flat is valued at £115k.
If this goes through what next? Do I ask for a reasonable monthly contribution or go cap in hand every time my DS needs new school shoes/football boots (my solicitor is so far recommending the latter).
Any advice greatly recieved.

[elizadoestoomuch]

myBOYSareBONKERS sadly not as such. ExDPs family have confirmed that DS is in the will but refuse to expand on that. Solicitor writing to them again to say that this response is unacceptable. I don't know whether just to say "enough is enough" and let it go - every solicitor letter is costing me. But on the other hand I don't believe they truly have my DS best interests at heart.
Whatever I do, I don't want DS to hate me in the future and me unable to explain my actions.

[myBOYSareBONKERS]

any up date on this OP?

[AlmightyCitrus]

Your solicitor should already know what to do.

www.thisismoney.co.uk/tax/ask-an-expert/article.html?in_article_id=504477&in_page_id=112

[melvinscomment]

@ elizadoestoomuch :- Fair enough, maybe something useful may come up on this other thread :- "How can you find out the terms of a will that you may want to contest?"

[elizadoestoomuch]

I'm not looking to do "a deal" all I want to find out is whether my DS is provided for.
ExP assured me in the event of his death DS would be provided before but I BIL is now telling me this not the case so all I want is clarification. As they won't have a conversation with me about it then my only option is to seek legal advice.

[Resolution]

Before she 'does a deal', as you put it, it is important that she knows what the law is, what her righta are, and what the position of the court is likely to be if it gets that far.

That is why she needs to take professional advice from someone suitably qualified.

ie, not you.

[melvinscomment]

@ Resolution et al :- Fair enough, it may be that any claim would be made via the Trustee Act rather than the Inheritance Act but it's still going to cost about £150 per hour and take a lot of hours and involve a lot of stress, the final bill being payable by the estate or elizadoestoomuch or both, which is why it will be better to do a deal if possible.

[Resolution]

You wouldn't apply under the inheritance act if the son has inherited it all anyway. You ask, under the IHA, for reasonable provision out of the estate.

[melvinscomment]

@ Resolution and @ Maryz :- This was the Act relevant to the case I was involved in. Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. I haven't checked but would have thought elizadoestoomuch's son is a dependant child :-//www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1975/63/contents So are you correct to say or imply that the Inheritance Act is the wrong Act?

[Resolution]

The trustees need to show they have acted reasonably, having regard to the terms of the trust. If it is simply them holding for the child on trust, then ss31 & 32 of the Trustee Act 1925 apply, which set out what the trustee should do and what they should take into account when doing it. That sets out how they should apply income of the trust. There has to be a very good reason why no income is being paid out, eg the asset of the trust is a non-income producing asset.

If OP is reasonable in bringing the claim, her costs would be met from the estate. If either party is unreasonable in bringing or defending the claim, they may have to stand their own costs.

[Resolution]

Melvin - that was a claim under the inhertance act. OPs claim, if any, wouldn't be under that as her son is inheriting the lot anyway (I presume). Her claim would be against the trust, to either appoint new or additional trustees to administer the trust in the interest of her son, (ie to pay actual maintenance to her so the child gets what he needs as a child and doesn't have to wait until he's an adult) or to bind the trustees to make a regular payment to her.

[melvinscomment]

Bottom line is, if elizadoestoomuch can do a deal with the in-laws it will be a lot less stressful and will not lead to a big chunk, if not all, of the estate being consumed in legal fees.

[melvinscomment]

@ Resolution :- "often" isn't the same as "always". In the inheritance case I was involved in an unmarried partner (not me) of a deceased person tried to obtain money from the estate, which according to his solicitor was entirely reasonable, but failed, and wasn't awarded his costs !!...

[Resolution]

Wrong Melvin. The court often orders that both side's costs are met from the estate, unless it was wholly unreasonable for one of them to conduct proceedings in the way they did.

Nice of you to ask though.

[Jellykat]

I agree, if possible, to try getting something personal for your DS.

When i was 13 my dad died,and i went to his flat with my mum, noone thought about giving me anything to remember him, but i did slip a couple of things into my pocket - i still have them 44 years later.

The very best of luck eliza.

[elizadoestoomuch]

Thankyou for all your responses.
Melvin I am not initiating legal proceedings right now. All I am doing is finding out about the will via my solicitor.
Yes I wish it wasn't like this. Yes it would be easier to talk to the family direct but if they won't communicate with me what other choice do I have?
ExPs family claim they have DS best interests at heart but as that has not been the case for the last 12-18 months then forgive me for not having faith in their motives now.
Verin nothing has been mentioned with regard to putting aside personal items for DS. I was hoping to bring that up in our last phonecall. I will send them a letter though I don't hold out much hope.

[melvinscomment]

I wonder when? one of the proper lawyers like Resolution are going to confirm that if elizadoestoomuch initiates legal proceedings and loses she will have to pay her legal costs and their legal costs!

[VerintheWhite]

Has BIL put aside some personal things for DS? Photos, old certificates, favourite tie etc. DS might one day like something like that and it might be worth a mention before things get thrown away or difficult.