Anyone had 3 kids over 40?

[puffysthename]

Hello,
Just wondering about experiences of having 3 kids over the age of 40... I had my first at 40, second at 41 (nearly 42) and would like to have a third but people seem to think I'm mad. Everything was straightforward the first time around but I was more run down in the second pregnancy with spd and back pain meaning I wound up on crutches. The second birth was also traumatic but still I would go again. Can't shake the feeling that I'm not finished. Am I mad?
Would love to hear your experiences.
Thank you

I just listened to a book on audible called The Well Lived Life written by a doctor who is 103. There was a chapter in that saying plenty of people have babies well into their 40's or even 50's (!) and always have,

https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/B0BKH1FZ36?sourcecode=ASSORAP0511160006&shareelocation=libraryoverflow

My mum had my sister at 43, I have a friend who had her second at 46, I think you're in with a good chance, good luck 😍💖

P.s. I had my 4th at 42 and she was a complete surprise, so I definitely think fertility is a complicated thing.

In very similar position. Gorgeous waterbirth at 38, placental abruption and c section at 40. I also want a third and am considering cracking prett much straight on (41 with 3yo and 3mo) when I return to work…
i would prioritise rest and self care during the pregnancy, as I think that had a massive impact. Also not 💯 convinced on fertility … there are lots of women who have had babies post 40

I guess it must depend on your circle, I can't imagine anyone I know thinking it was unusual, loads of women have babies in their 40s. Why does it matter what anyone else thinks, would you really not have the number of children you want because of other people think?

I'm sure you know that it's impossible to predict how it might turn out, not an easy desicion but make it for your own reasosns

Sorry - I mean they think I'm mad in terms of the work and expense of three kids. Almost everyone comments on this.

Thank you. Yes- I've been very lucky with fertility thus far. Of course that's not to say it would be the same a third time. I will check out the book.

Nearly. I had mine at 37, 39 and 45. Number 3 took 3 years to conceive but in the end it worked. My recovery after birth number 3 has been by far the quickest - I really hit the ground running - but it has needed to be with the other two still quite young. I’ve had 2 consultants and 2 midwives telling me there is no medical reason not to go for a fourth (not that I’m intending to, but it was very nice to hear). And so far, the other two children love having a baby. So, go for it, I say!

I had my last baby when I was a couple of years short of 42. Pregnancy was horrendous due to hyperemesis, but labour and baby years were absolutely fine.

The thing I would say is that you need to look further than the very young years. You'll be over 60 when the baby turns 18. My friends dealt with the teen years much younger than I am (now 53 with a nearly 12 year old) and by my age my contemporaries all have older (university) aged children. By their mid 50s they were all able to put more money into their pensions, downsize, go on holidays in termtime, buy second homes etc. Maternity leave means a reduction in what you're putting into a pension too. (if you aren't thinking about retirement now, you should be! In any case you will be thinking about it in your mid 50s). I still have to fund university, can't downsize, can't think about cutting down my hours or changing jobs

I'm fine from an energy and health perspective, but it is expensive and you really need to think about this. I have no regrets btw!

Of course also consider the possiblity that your next child might have a disability, might be twins or your marriage might break down (mind did while I was pregnant with my last child!).

• a couple of weeks short of 42!

Think of the teenage years, they are expensive and possible university costs. Will you be able to fund them?

Fab, thanks for your reply

What a great story, fab and good for you xx

Good point. We are lucky in that we would be able to fund university for 3.

You don't have to be "crazy." Everyone has their own unique circumstances and desires. If you feel that you have not completed your family journey and want another child, this is absolutely normal. It is important to listen to your feelings and be prepared for possible challenges. It may also be worth discussing this with your partner and perhaps your doctor to consider all aspects of pregnancy and childbirth after 40.

It took us 7 years to have our first , via ivf. I was 36. Number two came along naturally at 38 and I'm now 40, pregnant with number 3. I would absolutely have another at 42/3 if we are so blessed.

It absolutely depends on your own body and support system. Some 50 year old are much fitter and spry than some 30 year olds.... age is just a number OP!

@CharlieBalf Oh I love your story 💕 Amazing! Thanks for sharing. Can I ask how you find pregnancy number three? Hard with two littles running about? I found my immune system was lower second time around and still trying to build back up to be in full strength for potential third.

It's tough! Running around after two toddlers is hard work but it won't be forever. I'm definitely feeling a little slower at 40 than I was at 36 but also more aware of what my limitations are and there's some power in that!

I didn't wait the 2 years advised which, in perfect circumstances I would have, but I don't think its hard any adverse effect so far.

Sick in the first trimester.and a bit uncomfortable now I'm in trimester 3 but I think that's pretty normal!

Mine were 38 (2 months off 39), 39 (10 days off 40), 41. Seriously thinking of trying again early next year, so would be 43 if it worked.

Amazing, love this ❤️ Do you have much help or are you superwoman?

My friend did. Had her first at 40, second at 42 and third at 44. She told me that she found the odds for likelihood of downs quite scary the third time - they had increased a lot since her first pregnancy. She had three healthy children who are grown now - she was an active involved mother - no difference to mothers I knew who were younger.

@puffysthename Thanks. Have little help, and I'm a single mother by choice ie sperm donor. Probably won't have the 4th - really want to but don't think it's fair on my existing kids. It's hard in terms of money and the constant messiness, but both are short termish and will improve when they get to school stage, so I'm just living in a messy house and spending most of my income on childcare. NO regrets at all though. C'est la vie!

Hi OP, can I check in.... Did you have another? Do share your update, I'd love to know.
(41, thinking of a poss baby number 3)

Oh, thank you so much for checking in! No third baby yet… I still long for number 3 but my husband isn’t on board yet. I’m living in hope he’ll soften to the idea over the coming months (the last birth was traumatic and he thought he might lose me so I have to respect that). I just long to be pregnant again and am tracking my ovulation to check it’s still happening each month. I read articles about having three and point them out to him, trying to keep the dream alive without intense pressure.

how old are your first two? What are your considerations?

I have a 5 year old boy and 18 month daughter, I just turned 41 last month. I'm still breastfeeding, but my menstrual cycle has just returned and I guess I'm worried about time running out.
I also worry I'm being selfish having a third, when I have two lovely, healthy children.
Theres also the practicalities, sadly. Like our small 3 bed house which would be on a timer to move out. The car too. And I hear I'd be officially outnumbered.

A lot to mull over, I guess.

What's selfish about not having a 3rd?