3+ child families

[Hzky3]

For parent's of 3+ children Would you have any advice for a mum of 3 older children(15,13,10) going on to have a 4th?

[Outliers]

@Hzky3 I was 15, and my two siblings were 13 and 10, when my mum (43) had her 4th child.

While I can't speak to the parent side of things, we did bear a lot of the childcare responsibilities as my father died less than 2years later.

From what my mum has said, it was difficult as you do forget a lot. But it was easy as she had so much support and was essentially looking after 1 baby.

I think the difficulty came when he was a bit older. She had 3 children essentially self-sufficient, and the one that required school runs and much more attention. Space and time became challenging. I don't think my mum would have coped if not for myself and siblings. Admittedly, we bore a lot of the pressure, and looking back we probably had needs neglected as, teenagers require a watchful eye as you know. But perhaps things would have been less challenging if my mum wasn't widowed.

That said, my siblings all have a great relationship with our youngest. If anything he's given us an insight into childcare. We all played, debated and hung out together routinely.

I do think though at times it must've been isolating for youngest sibling as, to some extent, he was essentially an only child. By 10 we were all busy adults.

Anyway, that's my 2cents. I don't know if it's a useful insight

[Hzky3]

Sorry to hear you lost your father as such a young age.my heart goes out to your mum also being widowed so young.I am very fortunate to be a stay at home wife so currently dont feel i would pressure the kids to much into babysitting maybe quick shower breaks etc thank-you for you're input

[Schoolrefusa]

I would say just make sure you follow the older DC's interests keenly and actively stay alongside them as it can be easy for this to change when it's busier with a baby! I have really tried and still feel worried sometimes that it's been hard on them to have a younger one at times.
Ours have a similar big gap (and bigger) and I've been careful the older DC don't take on any responsibilities as my SIL minded how much she ended up doing for younger siblings when she was growing up . Having said that it's been so lovely seeing their bond develop and they do in fact help a huge amount just by being fun and really enjoying playing with and teaching their little sibling things (now 2) . They'll babysit too but I make sure they know it's really not expected as I give them the choice of me asking someone else if they would rather not and I think that works well for us .

[TheaBrandt]

There was a study recently showing limited upside for children of having multiple siblings. I would focus on the children that you have. Teens from larger families had poorer mental health.