3rd baby and feeling so down / your experiences

[User6464828]

I have 3 dc aged 5, 4 and a newborn who just turned a month old

I am really struggling with the newborn. I have read up on the 4th trimester and constantly remind myself that this is normal but i'm losing the will

I can barely spend quality time with my dd/ds and I keep thinking this was a mistake and i've ruined the dynamic. I am finding it hard to bond. Everyone's telling me to enjoy the newborn cuddles but I don't find it enjoyable when he cries so soon after putting him down. I'm so tired. I miss our evenings. We used to put the kids down at 7.30 and actually enjoy our time. Now we have the newborn and our evenings are spent walking around the living room in turns carrying him

My dh is wonderful and does all he can until he also becomes exhausted.

Those of you with 3 or more, how did you get through this phase please?? when did you start to feel human again? Did it take you time to bond aswell? Did you feel how I felt? I am desperate to hear your experiences

[User6464828]

Also, a lot of people say their 3rd slotted right in. Do they mean right away? Because it doesn't feel like that for me at the moment!

[MaryActsLikeSheDontCare]

I remember those days.

I adored my third baby more than anything in the world, but he certainly didn’t just “slot right in”.

I remember it got easier when he was 6+ months, and I could place him in his high chair in the kitchen where he could watch us and I could give him some finger food and focus on the other 2, then 9 months when he could be put to bed at a bedtime and we had our evenings back, but mostly when he could walk and talk and he was part of the trio.

Hang in there. It will only get easier. And please ask for help, that is my biggest regret.

Mine are older now and I love my gang. No regrets!

[Lizzieregina]

I’m sorry you are struggling right now.

My third was my easiest baby so she pretty much did slot right in.

She was 7 weeks old at Christmas and I had a 5 and 3 year old.

Im sure things will get easier and you’ll have your evenings back before you know it.

[SwayingInTime]

I let the baby sleep in the sling all day and on the boob all night with a short 'hello you' play in the evening. It was tough and I resented the completely standard lack of empathy I felt the older two demonstrated. But to be honest my third was a bit unreasonable as babies go (ie. cried as soon as I put her down so I could button coats etc. when leaving the house)! Once she was entertaining and entertained and robust (about 5 months?) life was good again and now it's great fun. I remember the baby tasks were so lonely though as the others were always being wrangled elsewhere or essential housework had to be prioritized, no luxury baths or bedtimes cooing over her together etc. (they were rare with the others but it was generally a bit relentless with three). In fact, lonely and relentless were the defining words for the first few months but it passed. I would have had more!

[User6464828]

Thank you for your replies. It definitely makes me feel better reading you have no regrets especially now that they're older. You'd think by now i'd know this is a phase, it's just hard to think straight when you're in the thick of it!

Now that there are 3 of them I can relate to the no luxury baths or cooing over him together 😂

I am looking forward to when he starts to play and interact more with us