Is it just me that gets angry?

[bob1985]

Is it just me that gets really angry reading through the comments on articles re NHS provision of ivf and fertility treatment?

There just seem to be so many ignorant people out there. It's always the same (sometimes illogical ) comments.

For example:

1. It's all the woman's fault for leaving it too late. (Because there are no other issues that might make it difficult/impossible to conceive and male factor obviously doesn't play any kind of part)
   
2. just adopt (which is of course exactly the same as having biological children - also did you adopt? No, why not?)
   
3. you can't afford a kid if you can't afford ivf (don't even get me started on the over simplification going on here )
   
4. it's not natural (just plain ignorance)
   
   
   I could go on......
   
   Point is there should be fair (not unlimited) access on the nhs

[2fingers22018]

@Ladyscience💪💪

[2fingers22018]

How hard is it for sum ppl to just mind their own fuckin business?!

[2fingers22018]

Please report @Rebecca ladies yes you rebecca thats why ur insensitive comment was deleted and @Rachel40

[PurpleDaisies]

I am genuinely baffled that people will come onto a thread in the infertility board and fertilesplain to us about the logistics, impact and correct reaction to infertility.

It takes a special sort of arrogance to do that. It makes me really angry.

[LadyScience]

Anyway, I’m taking my own advice and ignoring! Have a pleasant Sunday, all 🙂

[LadyScience]

I am genuinely baffled that people will come onto a thread in the infertility board and fertilesplain to us about the logistics, impact and correct reaction to infertility.

What do they think will happen? Gratitude at the sharing of incorrect and patronising information?

[Mookie81]

@Rachelover40 the advice is 3 cycles.
Most places do 1, some places none.
So fuck right off.

[LadyScience]

Yep. GF.

[Rebecca36]

I hope you don't mean me! There's more than one Rebecca on here.

I feel sympathy with anyone who is infertile, don't know how I would have felt had it happened to me.

No further comments from me but I sincerely hope I am not the 'rebecca' you are targetting because I wouldn't get involved in something I know little about.

[Zigazagazoo]

Rebecca is a troll. She was trolling last night.

[MaisyPops]

Me thinks Rebecca is a GF somehow

[2fingers22018]

@Rebecca seriously?! R u just a troll?!

[LadyScience]

Rebecca. You have added nothing to this thread. Which is in the Infertility section of Mumsnet.

[LadyScience]

To add, my eggs were knackered in my thirties, likely my twenties too, so it’s not just an age issue. Something is badly wrong with my ovarian environment and egg quality has suffered. Just in case any delightful person wants to point out that it’s my own fault I’m barren.

[LadyScience]

2fingers, all you can do is try to ignore. People can be cruel and ignorant regardless of if they have had fertility issues or not.

I’m infertile, my eggs are too poor quality to conceive a healthy baby and I’m over forty. I will never have a child. No amount of kicking me up the arse will fix that or stop me being heartbroken.

[2fingers22018]

I ll tell yous another1 that gets me angry on another thread talkin to ppl in our situation and sum woman butts in that we need tough love and basically a kick up the arse. She says shes struggled with infertility in the past but now has twins easy for her to now say b rational and dnt b bitter she has 2kids now, u think she d b more sympathetic some ppl have short term memory loss!

[LadyScience]

Agree, Kiki. That report had a very unpleasant underlying tone. Yet another thing to lay at the door of infertile people, we’ll add it to the list of wasting NHS money and being selfish for being devastated that we can’t have our own biological child.

I’d be interested to see his actual data that there is a direct causation between the two factors. Citation needed, or say nothing.

And forgive me if I’m not jumping for joy at a woeful 10-30% success rate. What does he propose, compelling scientists to keep success rates low so infertile people have no alternative than try to adopt, with all the challenges and restrictions discussed upthread? Fucking idiots.

[Mummyshark2018]

I work in a field where I come across many adopted children. I take my hat off to anyone who makes a decision to adopt. It's an incredibly challenging experience for many, though equally rewarding. I (we) have considered adoption (have 1 dc through ivf) but I am really on the fence. I have seen too much. If I were to adopt I would consider an older child- 4+ as by that stage there is a good gauge in terms of their development and not everyone could cope with a child with additional needs- totally understandable. With babies there are so many unknowns. The amount of children who have gone through the care system with foetal alcohol syndrome disorder (amongst other things) is huge. Quoted as much as 75% at a recent conference. I am thankful that there are amazing people out there who do adopt but it shouldn't be a burden that those with fertility issues should carry. Good luck to everyone on their journeys x

[2fingers22018]

I ll b honest the behavioural issues dnt put me off adoption i mean i could give birth to a child with autism or adhd or something its the intrusive nature of it all. Must b stressful to have a stranger telling you wether ur gd enough to have a child or not.

[kikisparks]

And in today’s news on why infertility treatment is bad- apparently improved ivf success has caused a drop in adoptions www.google.co.uk/amp/s/news.sky.com/story/amp/ivf-improvements-affecting-adoption-numbers-11543326

1. Correlation does not equal causation
   
2. Infertile people are not responsible for solving the very sad problem of children languishing in care
   

We are again implied to be at fault for wanting a genetically related child, wanting to be pregnant and care for a newborn baby through to adulthood, but nobody would question these desires if we had working bodies :(

FWIW I’d like to adopt but it’s a very personal choice and my husband doesn’t want to so that’s that. Both of us have in our careers seen how very difficult adoption is from the lengthy intrusive process to the high chance of severe health needs and behavioural problems and little support. My heart breaks for children waiting for a family but they need the right family :( totally separate issue from infertility.

[Maroon85]

@2fingers22018 we didn't get that far because they wouldn't take our application further if we'd both be working full time.
You're right it is very individual. Our friend adopted around the time we wanted to and they both work full time. But they live in a completely different area and although they do work, they could easily afford for one of them to give up work if necessary whereas we couldn't. And because they go through your finances in a lot of detail there's no way you can convince them you could afford it if you can't!

[ClaryFray]

My mum's favourite lines to feed me '' be thankful for the one you've got'' whose now older and no longer needs me. Whose baby years are over.

Or her other stick to beat me with 'just get a dog"

I also had to leave the room today at work because the women were talking about their births with a pregnant lady due this month. I get so angry over everything now days. I hate who I'm turning into but I'm powerless to stop it.

[2fingers22018]

@Marron85 its very individual isnt it? i think i could adopt but as u said its not an easy process were they just say yes to everyone, tje thought of having your life under a microscope seems quite scary im a private person. Do you mind me asking what kind of questions do they ask? X