How long can I keep putting off IVF?

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Pretty sure I posted the same question 6 months ago. I was 41 in July. I have 2 DCs, 9 and 7, but remarried a few years ago and DH and I have been TTC for nearly 2 years. We are unexplained so must be down to egg quality. We've had serious reservations over whether to do IVF. We already have kids but would love one together but hate the idea of IVF. We started one cycle in June which wasn't as nearly as bad as I thought but they have to cancel when they wanted to convert to ISCI which we are both against. I realise that time is against us and that we cannot keep delaying but I don't think either of us can come to a firm decision to do it or not to do it. What do you do when you can't decide? If we keep waiting then the chances drop massively. And the longer we wait the less we feel like doing it. I am also massively worried about possible links to ovarian cancer. I think without that I would go ahead. Can anyone offer advice? Is it normal to feel so reluctant and undecided??

[EarlGreyT]

Hi OP,
You did post an almost identical thread back in March. Unfortunately I don't think anyone here is going to be able to give you the advice you're looking for- possibly because you don't know yourself what advice you want or what you want to do.

It has been said on both this thread and your previous one that your age is against you and that if you are going to have treatment you need to do it as soon as possible as your chances are falling every month. This advice doesn't seem to have helped and 6 months later you're back asking exactly the same question about how long you can delay treatment despite being advised on your previous thread that you can't delay treatment at all if you want the best chance of success.

There's clearly something stopping you making a decision and going ahead with treatment (whether it's your ovarian cancer concern or the melanoma one or something else) and I think until you identify exactly what this is and whether it's enough of an obstacle to stop you having the treatment completely, I think it's going to be impossible for you to decide whether to have IVF or not.

Unfortunately none of us can make this decision for you and I can't tell what it is that's stopping you. Given that you did take the stims back in the summer, I'm not can't tell whether it's actually the cancer concern that has stopped you or something else.

I don't mean to sound harsh and I know it's not an easy decision to make, but I really don't think any of us are going to be able to offer you much help here as we haven't been able to previously when you've asked exactly the same question.

[RubyBoots7]

Looking at what you just wrote, there's a couple of reasons for and a whole massive paragraph against. I don't know if that reflects how you both feel? It's a really tough decision!
We are in a different position age and no existing child wise but we still had a real debate about having a second go at IVF (and potentially a third) it's not easy! And that was purely to do with the process of going through the procedures/drugs/clinic visits and not the other stuff!
Have you spoken to a specialist about the ovarian cancer risk? I dk what you read online but sometimes things can seem much more significant depending on how journal articles spin them. It might put your mind at rest or convince you that it's not worth the risk combined with all the other considerations? :)

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Ruby, reasons for are that DH and I would love to have a baby together. Makes me really sad to think we won't have a child together.

Reasons against: Main reason is the small but significant increased risk of ovarian cancer. I also had a melanoma removed from my skin in Jan and keep reading links between IVF and melanoma (nothing concrete). If it wasn't for this then I think we would go ahead. Other more minor reasons for not doing it are: DH is 47, I am 41 and together we have 4 kids; we're tired and not sure we want to go back to baby days/sleepless nights etc. Been there, done that. That said, I felt exactly the same before having DS2 (who was unplanned) so not sure this is a good reason. Another reason against is the age gap between the existing kids who are 14, 11, 9 and 7. Any baby would be so much younger that they wouldn't really grow up together as such. I also have an overriding feeling about it that we have left it too late.

[RubyBoots7]

What are the reasons for and against going ahead? Sorry I'm not sure I understand the specifics of your dilemma :)

As far as ICSI goes I'm not aware that there is solid evidence for any greater risks of birth defects than with IVF? We haven't come across that with our IVF/ICSI experiences.

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Definitely not doing more than 2 cycles! I just don't want to look back with regrets. I know chances are slim but 24% (LBV for my age range at my clinic) is not bad. Does every month really count though? Odd that 40-42 years are grouped together.

Part of me also wonders if IVF might uncover some other reason why we haven't conceived naturally together. Both DH and I conceived our other DCs pretty much immediately although we were a lot younger then (I was 31 and 33). Just seems odd to me than in nearly 2 years of TTC I have never gotten pregnant, not even a chemical pregnancy.

[HerRoyalNotness]

I was recommended by my obgyn and a fertility specialist to take COQ10 to improve egg quality. Take 3x the dose it says on the pack.

[welshweasel]

There's not actually any convincing evidence for icsi and birth defects. Statistically most people who are going to conceive via ivf (and that's the important bit) will do so within three rounds. But as you know, your chances at 41 are slim, and decreasing by the month.

[Nuttynoo]

At your age you should budget for 4 cycles.

[Nuttynoo]

I'm going to have IVF soon - was told we would need 3-4 cycles minimum due to my age, as women in their thirties don't often have great eggs or produce great embryos. I'll need to inject hormones but was told by the gaene that it's ultimately no different to the pill (which I don't take).

Older women can opt for a gentle protocol without hormones.

[2014newme]

Er, no those statistics are not correct.

[Goodluckjonathan76]

DH and I talked about this. We agreed 2 cycles max. We would say just 1 cycle, and may leave it at that, but i understood that statistically it will work on either the 1st or 2nd.

[2014newme]

Yes it's an extreme length. We had icsi x 4.
If it doesn't work first time how many cycles are you prepared and can you afford to do? Ours cost £20k

[Pennywhistle]

Well obviously IVF is an extreme length.

Your choice is fairly clear. Have IVF or accept that you may not have another child.

Which of those options seems worse?

You also have to look at the risk in context. At 41 your risk of birth defects by natural conception are risking all the time. Neither option can remove that risk.

[Goodluckjonathan76]

Thanks all. DH had an infection in his semen culture which is why they said they would only do ICSI. We don't want to to ICSI due to increased risks of birth defects/complete lack of natural selection etc so cancelled the cycle. The infection has now cleared so we shouldn't need to do ICSI.

Yes, I don't think either of us are dead set on it. It would be lovely if it happened naturally but not sure either of us want to go to extreme lengths. Is IVF an extreme length would you say?

[Nuttynoo]

If you have any doubts then do it now, as most ivf clinics make it very difficult for women 42 and above who want to use their own eggs.

[JoJoSM2]

Why wouldn't you go with ICSI? Was the semen sample poor or was it to improve your chances of fertilisation? To me you just sound very unsure about actually having a baby.

[2014newme]

I think if you're undecided don't do it. Ivf is an expensive roller-coaster of hope and disappointment. It's incredibly hard and puts a strain on a relationship in some cases. The fact you haven't embarked or it tells you that you aren't mad keen to do it. You're lucky to have 2 kids count your blessings.

I had 4 cycles. Have twins now there is no way on earth I would do it again