Hi,
Wanted to share my story as now seem to have moved slightly past immeasurable grief and onto self-destruction, thought it might help anyone else going through stage.
Story so far... 2 yr ttc. pcos and endo. ov drilling March, pregnant 19th May then..... 4 weeks later early scan showed empty sac. After a month of tears, scans and bloods at EPU they confirmed a ‘non-viable’ pregnancy. We were due to go to Italy on the 21st June for my 32nd birthday so they booked me in for D&C on the emergency list on the Sat before. Got to hospital in a state at 7am, changed into gown, signed to say they could take the ‘remains’ and they took me to theatre. At this point I was hysterical and s**tting myself as distraught & terrified of hospital anyway and last op for ov drilling bloody hurt. Was in anaesthetic room when surgeon came in and called off op, said he wouldn’t do it as he felt there was still a chance of viable pregnancy. Sent me home and I miscarried in Florence on my birthday –and that bloody hurt too.
Anyway just wanted to share and have a bit of a rant, I am I feel understandingly still very up and down. I am angry that they again gave me hope again only for it to be taken away again. I am angry I got as far as theatre. I am angry everyone's getting pregnant left, right and centre apart from me ( not true I know). I have been drinking at least a few glasses of wine every night since, eating crap and I suspect probably being bit of a cow to everyone and I have decided I don’t care. I think we are allowed to be pissed off and sad if we are struggling for whatever reason, it’s not fucking fair and if one more person tells me it’s going to be ok (when they have no idea if it will and likelihood is I will need further ‘treatment’), that I was only early or that they were surprised got pregnant so soon after fertility op then I swear I will punch them on the nose. For now I am quite happy being a miserable drunk, I will be ok but I will never forget, I will eventually sort myself out and stop drinking and TTC again. Until then thank god for Sauvignon Blanc.
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Infertility
Ranting & Drinking - for those fed up of being told its ' gonna be OK'
9 replies
allyd84 · 29/07/2016 15:48
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