IVF - is it really worth it?

[Viewofhedges]

I'm 38, DH is 42. We have unexplained infertility of 3 years (neither of us have ever had a child), and may be able to get IVF on the NHS (which I know makes us very lucky).

But is it really worth doing this? Is it worth 6 months or so of hormonal rage, operations and disappointments? The whole process sounds so horrific, and unnatural, and just such a crazy thing to actually sign up to. What experiences have other people had with it? I'm terrified of setting out on this path, terrified of becoming a hormonal wreck and potentially putting my husband and I through something that could devastate us but just as terrified of getting old with no kids and knowing we could have tried just that bit harder.

I know no one has any answers but I'd be grateful for other people's opinions on this great unknown.

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. [[https://www.mumsnet.com/conception/ivf
If you want to find out about IVF, we’ve got more information here]]. MNHQ

[Viewofhedges]

I just want to say thank you to everyone for your views, positive and negative, of the whole thing. It's really helpful, and really generous. There is so much to think about but it's so valuable to be able to read through the above. Thank you all for taking the time. I can't talk to my family about it all - they don't know and I cannot share with them - so this means a lot. Thank you.

[MrsCakesPrecognitionisSwitched]

When I was deciding to try IVF, I spoke to a wonderful lady who was not much more than an acquaintance at the time. She had a DD from IVF and was trying for a second child. She took the time and care to help me through my decision, she was a bit of an angel who arrived in the right place at the right time. I will always be grateful for her kindness.
RL support is great if you can find it - and it an come from unexpected quarters.

[GalindawithaGa]

I had short protocol ivf in March, developed OHSS so it was cancelled and I'm waiting for my thaw cycle. So it's all very recent.

Hard bits:

I found injecting myself hard although it gets easier. Some injections more sore than others but generally not too bad.

Going to the clinic every couple of days is pretty annoying. My workplace are very understanding but it was hard trying to balance work and treatment. My mind was all over the place.

It takes over your thoughts, your life, you become very focused on it.

I had OHSS and that was horrible.

The emotional journey is tough. When they cancelled my cycle on the morning of embryo transfer I was sobbing uncontrollably in the clinic. I have never been distraught like that in public before!

Good bits:

It's generally not very painful, just uncomfortable

It feels like progress after years of nothingness

We got four frozen embryos. Even if we never get any further I will treasure them and those four frozen blastocysts have made the entire thing worth it.

I know I'll do it again and again if I have to. So it can't be that bad!

[maamalady]

As with most posters here - yes, absolutely worth it. Injecting myself was a big mental hurdle for the first one, but fine after that, and as a pp said I found it a big relief to be doing something that had potential to actually help. It felt like "real" TTC when we'd completely lost hope in sex having any chance at all. Side effects were minimal, egg collection no big deal, embryo transfer undignified and uncomfortable - but none of this was any worse than the fertility investigations over the previous few years. Despite having poor quality embryos (none good enough to freeze), one of the two transferred into my uterus implanted, and DD is now nine months old and utterly delightful.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and in fact DH and I are planning to get referred to the clinic again, to see if we can be so fortunate a second time.

Good luck :)

[inamaymaybewrong]

I did one fresh cycle which gave me my son and 3 frozen embryos. We did a frozen cycle last year but the resulting pregnancy ended in early miscarriage, sadly.
We will be doing another frozen cycle very soon and if needs be, one more fresh. I wouldn't do more than one more fresh cycle though. I'm now late 30s and would rather move on and focus completely on the child I have, if it comes to that.

[lildottie]

I found ivf a doddle physically. the needles were quick and easy to get used to, I didn't have any major side effects except the odd headache. emotionally it was hard, but you get through it. we got a bfp on our first ivf after having 2embryos put back but I mc at 5wks. we will have to pay for any more ivf and whilst I'm not bothered about going through another ivf physically, emotionally I'm unsure whether to or not. the overriding factor I keep coming back to is I'll always regret it if I don't try again. I thought ivf would take over my life when the cycle started, but it really didn't.

[AnxiousKeziah]

Yes if it works, no if it does not to be honest. Need to be strong mentally or have a plan - we had one NHS go and said we had to try 2 more times.
Blessed with own child and sadly one stillbirth. Would I do it again? Not an option financially or emotionally. Do I regret it - no for good outcome, yes for bad outcome.

Only you can choose - if you can live with negative outcomes and it failing, then go for it. If you cannot live with what ifs then go for it. If you have a positive outlook - fab!

[AllTheNamesIWantHaveGone]

Five years .... three rounds .... £££££ spent .... many tears shed .... but one amazing DS.

Don't regret any of it and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Good luck OP.

[inamaymaybewrong]

Another thing, it's worth it as even if it fails, it can be diagnostic.

[Jjcrackers]

Another one here who hyped it up and didn't find it that bad. For me I think what helped was not telling anyone at the time. Given half the chance I would have made a big drama about it but as nobody knew I couldnt and just got on with it. It also meant that it wasn't 'all eyes on me' when results were due. This made me more relaxed about the whole thing. I carried on with the gym, work and the odd drink.

We did the 'shortened cycle'. I don't know how we got it as I don't think it is standard procedure on the Nhs but basically misses out sniffing and goes straight to injections. While thing took about 1 m.

I now have my DS who is 6 and a delight. After years of unexplained infertility it was a relief to take control.

Go for it!

[Moomin37]

Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to this thread - it has made me feel much better. I found out that we might need IVF after an internal scan in January and it was quite a shock, not least because I assumed it was a horrendous process. I have to wait until about July for a lap and dye then I'll know what the next step is (btw I'm 35, ttc#1 and various problems, including no AF since coming off the pill last July),

[inamaymaybewrong]

moomin - I had a lap & dye pre-IVF. PM me if you want.
We also did the short protocol, no sniffing. It's quick and is best for some like me with PCOS. Our cycle was NHS btw.

[maamalady]

I also had a laparoscopy before IVF - in my case it was to check out a blocked Fallopian tube. It resulted in removal of that tube (and its embryotoxic contents) and diagnosis (and removal) of endometriosis. So it was brilliant for us and amazing to have a diagnosis after 3.5 years of trying! It also meant I had three months on zoladex implants before starting IVF, to treat any remaining endo. Fingers crossed your op is as positive, moomin :)

[crapfatbanana]

It is the great unknown and only you can decide if it's for you.

I've had friends and family that have had several unsuccessful attempts - couples with diagnosed problems and unknown reasons for not conceiving.

I was one of the lucky ones. I had two cycles of ICSI (due to male factor) and conceived both times. The cycles, although somewhat stressful, were not unbearable. I don't know if I would be saying the same if the treatment had failed. I imagine it becomes more stressful each time.

I did it because I couldn't NOT. I have a friend who had one cycle that failed and called it a day.

[crapfatbanana]

Just to add - of course it is worth it. I'm a decade down the line from my first cycle and still pinch myself with disbelief that I am a mother and have the most wonderful children.

[Moomin37]

Thank you for your kind words and offer of support inamaymay and evilgiraffe much appreciated :) Just feel fed up that I've still got three months to wait for the lap and dye - pondering giving soy Isoflavones a try in the meantime to see if they kick start my body, but I guess that's a different thread! PS I can't imagine an 'evil giraffe' - they are such gentle and beautiful creatures

[inamaymaybewrong]

I waited 3 months for my lap and dye too and was soooo frustrated in that time. Couldn't even try Clomid before it as consultant wouldn't prescribe it without knowing my tubes were clear.
With hindsight the lap was really good to have had before the IVF. It means that you will know for certain whether you have endometriosis or not and as it can often be silent and without symptoms the lap is the only way of knowing and endo can really compromise an IVF cycle if it's not known about in advance. There are other potential issues that only a lap can identify too. My consultant said that if it were up to him a lap would be routine before IVF treatment!

[Viewofhedges]

Hi Moomin37 - I'm the original OP. I've had my lap and dye and since my original post have been told that we will be seen again in late May to start the application for NHS IVF and will therefore most likely be going through it at a very similar time to you. So I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Since my original post and all the amazing, helpful, kind, generous replies I think we have decided that we will give it a go. I've also told my mother in law, as she is the only family member I thought would understand. She did. So we have some support outside the 2 of us. Looks like it'll be late summer, if the NHS says yes (each case funded separately down here) that we will get to start.

I think I've made peace with the idea of giving it a try. I'll be nervous as hell of course, but I think it's better than the what ifs.

[Moomin37]

Hello Viewofhedges thank you for your message Well done for making your decision and I've got my fingers crossed for you. I'm not sure the possibility of IVF has sunk in yet - I had never even considered that we might need to go down this route. But hey ho, if that's what we've got to do then we'll go for it. Will you keep us updated on your progress?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Yes totally worth it. But agree if only works

10yrs ttc - 4 failed private ivf

5th try and worked dd was 1 last week. She is my total world
And I’m so glad we carried on trying cuxke after cycle after cycle

But

When do you know when to stop and say no more - we said two cycles as paying for it

But they failed and we couldn’t give up - so credit cards loans overtime etc - and another 3 attempts - we are still paying off the £27k it cost to get our daughter

But wouldn’t have it any other way

[aetw]

I would say it is worth a go and that actually, although it is time consuming, sometimes uncomfortable and nerve wracking preping the injections etc it’s nit as stressful as I thought it would be.
If you can get it on the nhs I would give it a go. I did after 3 years of trying many miscarriages and a traumatic ectopic and I’m now 13 weeks. Good luck! X

[ohbigdaddio]

I'd say the majority of people on this thread have had a child through IVF and so of course it is worth it.

Coming from a different angle (it hasn't worked for me so far), I am finding the waiting, anxiety, pressure and desperation for it to work very overwhelming and it is always with me. I have had pretty bad depression and have been on medication for this after our 1st failed IVF cycle. When I look back on that last few years I can't find many happy moments and TTC/IVF has been all consuming.

However, if I get a BFP next week it will definitely be worth it. But If I don't then I am questioning whether or not I can mentally cope with any more IVF. I can cope with the hospital appointments, injections, medication but the mental side for me has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

Unlike some other posters, just knowing we have tried IVF even if it fails is not going to make me feel better, in fact it will make me feel even worse and that I couldn't even get pregnant through IVF :(

[EarlGreyT]

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