Yet another rapist and yet another 'women should stay inside' response.

[Mytwopenceworth]

so so

Just caught a news report about a rapist on the prowl, and the official advice is for women to not go out alone after, think it was 9pm (was listening from kitchen, so didn't catch it all).

That makes me so bloody angry. Yet another sick f*ckwit and women are supposed to cower in their homes, or go out escorted!! Bloody male police who think this is the best course of action! Put a bloody curfew on men, not women. Why is it every time they say women should be restricted in this way? Get police on the street and arrest any man out after 8pm without aproval and escort him home. THAT'S what they should stuffing well do.

And I know, the rapist will just hide and go out anyway and women have to be responsible for their own safety and a million more justifications and I suppose they're true and maybe sensible, but it still makes me feel angry that men commit these crimes but its women who have to alter their lives. Yet more power to the rapists. x a million!!!! - I wish there was a steam coming out of ears emoticon!

[QueenOfQuotes]

3 men are now being held and questioned by police

here

[essbee]

Message withdrawn

[monkeytrousers]

It's up to academics and the courts to establish the shades. What gets me is that everyone is ready to doubt a womans word in rape cases, even in cases of starnger rape.

[Caligula]

Yes sometimes, but sometimes it's not in that context - it's a friend, who they trust, and it hasn't occurred to them that he would a) make a pass at them and b) rape them. And in tht situation, where you thought you knew someone, you find out you don't and so then anything seems possible - that man becomes a stranger. Women in that situation can be every bit as fearful for their lives, as in the alley way terror scenario.

[paolosgirl]

Of course they do - and I would guess it's probably in the context of a violent and/or abusive relationship.

I think it's why the law needs to be looked at. One crime of rape to fit all doesn't seem to me to be the best way of dealing with it.

[Caligula]

Of course it's not the same. But lots of women get raped in their homes not as a result of changing their minds, but as a result of their attackers ignoring their clear signals that they didn't want sex.

[paolosgirl]

Again - shades of grey. I still can't think of anything worse than being dragged somewhere at knife point by a complete stranger, and raped. Giving over the control to someone I don't know, and not knowing if I'm going to live or die.

But should we equate that with a drunken fumble and then changing your mind? No should still mean no, but in terms of severity of sentence and so on, I'm not convinced it should be treated in the same way.

[Caligula]

I think there's a tendency to imagine that the long term effects of being raped by a stranger in the stereotype violent stranger rape are worse than being raped in your own home by a man you trusted and respected, and assumed respected you as a full human being.

IMO it may be much more traumatic emotionally to have your trust and confidence in all men knocked to bits by having your trust betrayed by a man you actually know, than by a stranger. A stranger can be written off as a nutter, who bears no relation to your brother, your friends, your lover; but a friend who you may have had a laugh with, joked with, gone out with, shared confidences with, is someone you know as a human being and it must be absolutely shattering to have to confront the fact that he has seen you as somehow less than a full human being. And much harder to trust all your other male friends as well.

Depends on circumstances of course, like everything.

[monkeytrousers]

Of course there's a grey area, that?s what S&M is for!

Personally, I don't doubt the stats. Anecdotally at least, they correlate with the women I know.

There is alot of debate at what constitutes 'rape'. It's an issue that the trend in binge drinking puts women at risk. The police have said that violence and rape will rise once licensing laws are softened. But how do you get that message across to hundreds and thousands of women who (mistakenly) think it's their feminist duty to drink as much as a bloke? That?s about the only brush with feminism they'll admit to aswell.

A stupid drunk raped woman, who danced on the table with no knickers on and is confused about how it happened is just as traumatised as any other rape victim and deserves the full support of the law, as does women raped by their partners and women raped by strangers. But no woman has that unfortunately.

With respect, I think your judging the situation by the limits of your own imagination. Your friend may well have dealt with her experience in a way that didn't tally with what we are shown on TV. But that?s real life for you. TV sanitises alot of experience, rape, murder, and war. Just because we can?t imagine it doesn?t mean it isn't horrific for an individual to bear.

I don't think there is an equivalence - its horror. That?s a cross-cultural global phenomenon.

[paolosgirl]

Raspberry - I think you've made an interesting point. Rape by a stranger as in being dragged somewhere against your will and forcibly raped is one of the most terrifying and repugnant crimes there are, and what I think should be done to the perpetrator isn't something I can repeat.

However - IMO there are different kinds of rape. Getting plastered, getting into bed with someone, and then changing your mind for whatever reason isn't in the same league as stranger rape. Don't know if anyone else agrees?

[Raspberry]

well IMHO yes, sort of, perhaps not the best example I could have choosen admittedly,

you see I understand the anger and sometimes fear than such a rapist at large generates, but not all the generalised anti-men sentiment that seems to go with it

also it seems to be stranger rape that generates these anti-men sentiments, whereas rape in the home is the real thing that women need to focus on and bring to public attention and action

plus, when I see stats, like teuch's, I'm sorry to say I can't help being slightly skeptical, are 1 in 20 women really victims of rape? it seems high to me

I know one woman who was stranger raped, she did report it but then withdrew the complaint, mainly because she did not feel she was that bothered to pursue it, don't know why really? She didn't seem unduly traumatised by it,in fact she used to joke about it afterwards, for some reason

Plus, and I know this might not be a popular opinion, taking rape in the home, are all the cases really rape?
Say a wife says 'no' to her dh and he becomes demanding, but not agressive and she says 'oh well if you must' and so on and switches off, is that rape? I know some would say 'no' means 'no' no matter what, but in a relationship isn't there a grey area? I'm not even sure myself, to be honest

[monkeytrousers]

'rather' shouldn't be there BTW.

[monkeytrousers]

"we get less outraged about millions of people starving to death in Africa, so don't we get rape out of proportion?"

I don't understand this, sorry. Is there supposed to be some moral equivalence rather?

[astonished]

Near the embankment, camping shop, very cheap, sells swimming pools and hot tubs

[QueenOfQuotes]

Bestbuys??? Where's that?

[astonished]

LOL, not to look at you have very strong opinions which I think is great but they are quite different to mine, think we could argue!!!!
saying that am intrigued now, and when i pass my driving test, hope fully soon, would love to come over to wellingborough, although only if i can combine it with a trip to Bestbuys!!

[QueenOfQuotes]

"Also I find you a bit scarey"

• I'm not really - if you saw in me real life I'm probably nothing like you imagine - 5ft, petite and blonde

[astonished]

[astonished]

thanks rasberry [blush}]

[astonished]

I like my anonymity to be honest, there are people on here I know through other means and until today i have largely kept my whereabouts secret! Also I find you a bit scarey

[Raspberry]

just to further clarify my point:

astonished, being a potential victim of a know gang of beasts, has every right to be hung up, yet ironically she isn't

she sounds mature and sensible , suggesting the police are doing what they can and their advice is correct, shouldn't more of us feel like that?

[QueenOfQuotes]

hope that last comment wasn't directed a me




And on a slight hi-jack note - if you live in Northampton why haven't you replied to any of my threads trying to get a meet up with people in northants

[astonished]

Yes but they do have breaks where they are able to go out, many workers do finish night shifts at flexible times, particularly during the summer holidays, on sat night my dp is finishing at 1 so we can go away on sunday.

[astonished]

Aghhhhhhh this has really got me, unfortunately whilst it would be nice if we could all walk the streets safely, this is not an ideal world, and what do we do, fly in the face of advice just to prove a point?? this is the world we live in, yes its shit, but for our own safety at present what choice do we have than to be sensible, not really that big of an ask really now is it?

[QueenOfQuotes]

"Imposing a curfew on men would be impossible as contrary to what QOQ says many men do work in the town centre at night,"

I didn't say men didn't work in the town centre, I said very few night shift jobs in Northampton Town centre would involve leaving work between midnight and 3am (unless it was bar staff).Generaly a night shift finishes much later/earlier(?) in the morning.