Experience of HS one sibling while the other is in MS?

[sleepworkmum]

We are approaching the decision to HS DD9, who is autistic and MS school is absolutely not suited to her. DS6 adores their school, skips in every day, and is actively seeking out challenges and extra learning from his teacher. DD has been out of school for weeks but DS seems to understand why and is fine with it, he doesn't ask to stay home. I can't think of anyone less suited to MS school than DD, nor can I think of anyone better suited for it than DS!

Because HS would be driven by SEN rather than lifestyle, I think I would be serving both children best if I deregister DD and keep DS in his school. DH says DS will immediately change his mind and demand to be HS as well, I really doubt it but recognise it's a risk. HS both would not be the best scenario.

Is there anyone out there with experience of this hybrid way of life? What are the pros and cons, challenges and pitfalls?

I have done this. It worked all right. The key for us was to make sure that the ones in MS knew that the HS ones were working. Although it seems totally obvious, the rule was this: no gaming or other activities like it until everyone was home from school.

Tbh, also, for DS and DD2, it made them able to deal with some parts of school because they knew that if they didn't go, they could still learn. Strangely, that made them enjoy going to school more often.

I know of a family where the DC2 ended up being home educated at 9 years old whilst his elder sister stayed in mainstream school. She absolutely didnt want to leave school as she much preferred being with her friends and didnt want to stay home because as she put it “mum would be spending all her time teaching him so I wouldn't get a look in!”
Sad but true - sometimes siblings of children with additional needs can get the few end of the deal.

Aside: I think i've been using the Mumsnet shorthand wrong! By DD9 I meant my nine year old daughter, not my ninth daughter!

Don't worry. They tend to be used interchangeably - most people will have guessed what you meant haha.

We home EDUCATE (hs is home school which is replicating school at home which is not what you need to do)
my DS 12 (asd) has been HE a few years now, focussing on his interests and subjects he chooses and is flying it.
DD enjoyed school, but as soon as hit secondary, and their ridiculous rules, and lack of learning due to constant disruption, she saw actually what her brother was doing, how much he got done in so much less time, noticed his days out were fun as well as educational (theme park trip her school went on she got 3 rides as had to wait for whole group each time whereas his trip with home ed kids, they broke into small groups of 3/4 so went on many rides plus went in temp time so could stop and chat with staff who could answer their questions on how the rides were made, how they worked etc. DD decided to HE and she too has never looked back. They have home Ed friends and school friends, socialise with all ages not just their peers, and enjoy every askepdy of their learning.

I would say, let your child lead the way. Listen to them. Let them choose. There is no right or wrong. And no decision needs to be permanent. Go with whatever makes them happy and take it from there.